


Love. Lust. Crush.

by AliraMaxwell



Series: LLC Series [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bisexuality, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Cheating, Choose Your Own Ending, Crushes, Dark, Developing Relationship, F/F, F/M, First Crush, Heartache, Heartbreak, I like plotlines, Lemon, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Masturbation, Multi, Mutant Powers, Mutant Reader, Mutants, Not one-shots, One-Sided Relationship, Oral Sex, Other, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Plot, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Shower Sex, Slash, Smut, Spoilers, Teacher-Student Relationship, Telekinesis, Unrequited Crush, bisexual reader, mild kurt/reader, reader beware you choose your scare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 01:26:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 49,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7246633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliraMaxwell/pseuds/AliraMaxwell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You follow your life through three very different types of relationships. Leaving the X-men to pursue your training under the avengers, you form a solid relationship with Wanda, when Steve comes to you with a favor. He wants your help to fix a friend of his, Bucky Barnes. Upon unfreezing the Winter Soldier, every choice you ever made comes into question, including your relationship with your long-time girlfriend.</p><p>Wanda shows up around Chapter 3.<br/>Bucky will show up around Chapter 4 or 5.</p><p>Reader will get to choose the ending of which character they want to end up with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Source

**Author's Note:**

> So, I really suck at writing dialog for Kurt. Any suggestions are welcome.

You were typing furiously on your laptop, trying to make sense of the code on the cracked screen. You were doing something you had been thinking about doing for a very long time. You were hacking into the Xavier School Mutant Registration List. It had been bothering you for a very long time. Now that the mutants were out and known, you had begun questioning who you really were. You had kept it a secret for so long. You denied it for a long time, but it wasn’t something you could run from anymore. Not after today.

You had been at the library when the police arrived. They broke in through the door and swarmed you. “Y/N Wilson, you are under arrest for forcing your way into private bank files; and for stealing a sum of ten thousand dollars.”

“Shit,” you cursed under your breath. You slammed your laptop closed and shoved it into your bag. The cops approached you with guns drawn. You raised your hands slowly up into the air. “Promise I didn’t do anything wrong. You don’t know what I needed it for. It’s important. I am trying to save someone.”

“Stealing is illegal, and that was a whole lot of cash, little missy.” A tall policeman said approaching you and taking out his cuffs. Your eyes darted down and you noticed the camera on his chest. You looked around; all of them had one. The man approaching you nodded at your bag, “Is that your computer? We will need to confiscate that.”

You shifted your bag behind your back, “You can’t have that.”

“Now, little missy, you don’t have much of a choice.”

“Take it from her, she’s just a kid.” Another man said and snatched the bag from you.

You tugged on it, “Let it go! I said you can’t have that!” you desperately clung to the bag, frustration building up inside.  “You need to let go. Now.”

The cop pushed his gun into your face. “Drop it, kid.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, “Get that thing out of my face.”

He pushed the gun up against your cheek. “Give me the bag.”

You shook your head and the cop pulled the bag one more time with a hard yank. The strap on your bag snapped and the computer clattered to the floor, a loud crack rang out as the screen broke on impact. “I said don’t!” you screamed and threw your hands out in front of you.

The cop in front of you flew back into a shelf, toppling it over as books fell down upon him. The rest of his team took a few steps, raising their guns up and demanding you to put your hands down. You were pissed now; you threw her hands towards them and they, too, were thrown back. You turned to the one cop who was trying to be nice to you.

His hands were shaking, and his gun was slightly lowered. You glanced at your computer and held your hand out. It flew up into your hand and you looked over at the guy, “I’m an adult, you know.” you said, “You shouldn’t talk down on people before you know them.”

“What are you, freak?” he spat, the kind tone gone from his voice.

You smiled, “That is a pretty good question. Let’s find out.” You swatted your hand and a heavy book smashed him on the back of his head, effectively knocking him out. “It’s not little missy.” You whispered and stepped over the body on the ground.

 

                You were working your way through the names on the list until you found who you were looking for. You cracked into the data on the profile and looked at the face of the woman. You had seen her on the television, encouraging young mutants to come out and join their school. They were safe there.

“Jean Grey…” You whispered. She was the only person you had ever known to have similar power to her. Jean could move things with her mind, just like you. Although, from what her profile was saying, she could do a whole lot more than that. Scary things.

A creak was heard in your house, and you turned to listen. Someone was coming through the door. You turned back and closed out of the Xavier files. You looked at the pretty face behind the broken screen. With blue eyes and chestnut colored hair, your mother looked just like you. Although, your hair was much longer than your mother’s, and always pulled into a loose fishtail braid.

You heard someone moving through your house, closer to your room. It wouldn’t be your grandmother, who was bedridden. It was the police coming for you. You opened the video clip on your computer and watched it through the broken glass. If it was the last thing you saw, you wanted it to be this.

It was a video of your mother, smiling with you, looking frail and sickly; unlike the photo on your backdrop. It was the last time you had seen your mom. You had taken a video together, before the sickness took her away. You were then left in the care of your bedridden grandmother. You closed your eyes, hoping they would not take the money away from your grandmother. She was sick too, and needed the money to take care of herself.

“I would like you to come with me.”

You looked up at the man. He didn’t look anything like a cop; and he was in a wheelchair. “You’re Charles Xavier.”

The man nodded, “Yes, I am.”

You glanced over at her computer. “You got here fast.”

Charles glanced at the computer, “You’ve been into Cerebro?”

“Cerebro?” You asked, looking at him confused.

“I’ve heard about your skills.” Charles said, “I think you could find them more of use with me, at my school.”

You pressed your lips together, “I’m going to go to jail, not to school.”

“I think that can be rearranged,” he said, “I find I can be rather persuasive.”

You stared at him in thought. You had a chance to glance at his profile as well. He could manipulate the mind. “My grandmother…”

“She will be taken care of. Don’t you think it’s time to live your life? You could learn here. You could be safe, and hone your skills.”

You nodded. “I can’t just leave her.”

“You don’t really have much of a choice, do you?”

You fell silent. You looked back at your computer and watched the video die off.  You stared at your mom’s face. You spent your entire life taking care of other people. Maybe it was time for you to live your life. You reached to the mouse and opened the start menu. You hovered over the power option for a few moments. “Goodbye, Mom.”

You shut down your computer, closed the lid, and slid it into the trashcan. It landed with a resounding thunk. You got up and turned to Charles, “I think I am ready.”

 

 

                You had been at the school for a few months now.  You left your human life behind and began training to become an X-man. Fitting into the school was hard at first; you were much older than the other students. The Professor had made it so you only needed to train under the professors who would help hone your skills, and help you learn more about mutant segregation; and because your school days where behind you, you were just fine with that.

You were on your way to one of your sessions now. The professors were all very accepting of you and were kind enough to set aside time to train you every day. Although, because they were all very busy being X-Men, and teaching, and having their own lives, sometimes your teachers were mixed up every now and then.

Usually you met up with Jean for training your telekinesis; but sometimes The Professor would step in while Jean was away. Physical training came with Logan, but would often train with Kitty or Scott. Mutant segregation and acceptance was something you would normally learn from Storm, or The Professor. Sometimes you were lucky, and more than one of your normal trainers would be out, and they would need someone different to step in; like today.

                You walked into the class room, expecting to see Storm waiting for you. You were greeted instead by a thin boyish figure, sitting on the windowsill, looking out on the grounds. You bit your lip, and glanced over his figure. To say you were harboring a crush on Professor Wagner was an understatement. Your feelings had become so strong that you had dyed blue streaks into your hair, hoping that it would get his attention.

He looked over at you and smiled, “Ah, there you are, faulein.”

You smiled at him, “Storm is out?”

“Ja,” he nodded, “Needed somewhere with ze Professor. I vill be helping you learn today.”

You nodded and walked over to him, “It’s good to see you, Professor Wagner. What a nice surprise.”

Kurt smiled his toothy grin. He then perked up, “You have put blue into your hair?”

You nodded, butterflies filling your stomach as he noticed you. “Do you like it?”

He smiled at you, “It certainly suits you.”

You could feel your cheeks heat up, “Thank you, Professor.”

“I have told you a thousand times, you may call me Kurt, ja?” he said and stood up, walking over to you.

“Sorry, Professor Wagner, I will try to remember that.” You had no problem calling the other professors by their names. You considered them your friends. You didn’t know Professor Wagner very well at all, but you were not that much younger than him.

He shook his head at you and pulled out a chair at the table and motioned for you to sit. You smiled and walked over, sitting into the chair, which he scooted in for you.

He began to teach you about the racism against mutants, particularly of physical characteristics. You could listen to him speak all day. You would get the jitters just hearing his broken English and whenever he looked at you, you would get the flutters.

His eyes glowed as he watched you learning. But instead of studying his teachings, you were studying how his lips pursed and curled over his fangs as he shaped his words. You sure hoped he would not notice how you blushed every time you were around him.

The lesson flew by too quickly, and sadly, soon it was time for you to move on. You stood up and waved as you started to make your way out. But something stopped you.

You had wanted to get to know him better from the start. You need to suck up and finally do something. What is the worse that could happen? The way he smiled at you and was always happy to speak with you made you think maybe he had the same feelings as you. You turned to him.

“Professor Wager?” you asked, taking a few steps over to him, “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Vhat is it, fraulien?” he looked down at you with his glowing eyes.

“I was wondering if you would,” you started to fumble over your words, “if you would like to go on a date sometime?”

Kurt was taken aback. Color drained from his face. He looked down at the ground, “Y/N, I am honored. But my heart already belongs to someone else.”

You were surprised, and could feel a hand snake around your heart and squeeze. Your stomach felt like a boulder was dropped into it. “Oh. Okay. Not a big deal.” you choked out and found yourself leaning against the table, “Who is she?”

So, you thought, that’s what could happen. You didn’t think it would hurt so bad. Of course, you weren’t expecting him to say that either. He was not playing by the script you already had planned out in your head for how this would go.

Kurt glanced up at you, “My soulmate, Amanda.”

“How come you have never mentioned her before?”

“She is missing…” he said sadly.

“Oh, I am sorry…” You looked down at the ground; you could feel your face willing to cry.

Kurt seemed to have noticed because he walked over and tilted your face up to him with a finger, “Thank you, fraulien. I am honored you vould choose to have such affection for me. Vas I not spoken for, training to be a priest, or your teacher, I would be with you in a heartbeat.”

His words made your heart hurt and brought tears to your eyes, and he shushed you, “Darling, please do not cry. You are so beautiful.”

You shook your head and took a step back from him, “It is not a big deal.” you said and turned to the door, “I will see you later, Professor Wagner.”

Kurt sighed, “Please call me Kurt.”

You glanced up at him from behind teary eyes, “I really can’t.” you said firmly and walked out of the room.

Kurt sighed and hung his head into his hands.


	2. Break

You punched him in the gut. The tears strolled down your face as you wailed into Logan’s abs with your fists. Physical training was a great way to relieve the stress and you were letting loose.

You smashed another knuckle into his skin, and he barely flinched. Logan had stopped blocking you and let you go to town. He knew you so well, that he could tell you needed this. Something was wrong. As if your tear streaked cheeks weren’t a big give away.

He had a gut feeling what was on your mind as you pulled back and side step kicked him. Finally you desperately banged on his chest with both fists and screamed in frustration.

Why did it hurt so bad? You barely knew him. Why do such little things have such a big effect? Such simple words. The fact he would be with you hurt more than just him saying he was with someone. You were so close but you were not good enough. Something was wrong with you.

You had realized you had stopped moving and you were crying and gasping for breath again, leaning against Logan, beating yourself up. You pulled yourself away and straightened up. You whipped away the tears and looked up at him.

He nodded to himself and looked over at the door. Logan nodded toward the door, “Let’s go for a walk.”

 

 

It was a beautiful day and most of the younger kids were outside playing. You walked with Logan through the courtyard.

“So you finally told the blue guy, huh?” Logan asked.

You shrugged, “I got shot down.” Acting like it was not a big deal; as if Logan wasn’t the one you were taking your frustration out on.

He made a twirling gesture with his hands, “Is that was this blue hair thing was about?”

You laughed, “Yeah, kind of stupid, huh?”

Logan smirked, “I already told you that it looked stupid when you did it.”

You rolled her eyes. “People adapt to their crushes…” you mention, “Kind of how you stop acting like such a jackass when Jean comes around.”

Logan grunted at you and gave you a dangerous glance. You smirked at him.

Your attention was drawn over to the kids, who seemed to have started yelling. The kids were showing off their powers to one another. There was a group of boys in particular trying to impress a girl. They each took turns showing her power.

One of the boys shoved a smaller one out of the way and tried to show the girl his talent, “Look at this.”

He created a fireball with his hands and juggled it around. The girl laughed.

“Look at them,” You said to Logan, “They don’t even realize how hard love can be.”

“You mean life.”

You shrugged and nodded; he was probably right.

“Hey, I was showing her something.” The first boy said and pushed the tall one.

The tall boy fell over and his fire ball was thrown into the air. It crashed into the wall of the school and exploded. Giant pieces of wall began plummeting down as the children screamed.

“Look out!” You yelled and ran over. You threw your hands up above your head and were able to stop a piece of heavy debris from crashing onto the kids. “Move!”

The kids ran out from under the rock as it pressed down upon your power. More pieces of wall were falling down around the area. “Y/N!” Logan yelled and rushed towards you.

“Stop!” you shouted and moved one of your hands out, stopping Logan in his tracks as stones fell in front of him. The giant piece of wall continued to lower, and you could not hold it up much longer.

“What are you doing?” Logan yelled, “You have to get out of there!”

“I can’t” you gasped, “I don’t have enough power to push it. I’m not strong enough!”

“Y/N!”

You shut her eyes tight and concentrated very hard on keeping Logan away and keeping the wall from coming down any further, less it crush your bones. ‘I have to push it off,’ you thought ‘I have to do something or I am going to die here.’

There was a crack, and smoke washed all around you. You felt arms wrap under your knees and around your back. You felt pressure all around, and you were pulled up. Your hands dropped as you heard another crack and were surrounded by smoke again. Your insides felt twisted into knots as you opened your eyes.

Kurt’s glowing yellow eyes met yours as he cradled you in his arms. “Are you alright, fraulein?” You were still in the courtyard, hundreds of feet from where the rubble crushed to the ground. You could see Logan and the students running over to you.

You coughed on the smoke and tears whelmed in your eyes, but you nodded. Your stomach was churning. “I think I’m going to heave.”

Kurt laughed, “You probably should not do that, ja?”

You nodded and looked up at him. His features were lit with happiness, and you felt a wonderful sense of butterflies taking over. Without him, you would not be alive right now. You could feel the warmth coming from him and filling you up.

“You’re right,” you said, “I should do this instead.” You wrapped your hand around his neck and pulled him down, kissing him fully.

Kurt’s body went stiff as a shock went through him. Your lips upon his were wonderful and warm. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips to yours. His tail wound up your back, brushing along your spine as he held you closer to him.

Your heart pounded in your ears as you felt the sparks that came from his wonderful kiss. You felt as though your heart would explode, it was beating so loudly.

A rough voice cut through the perfect moment. “Ahem.”

Kurt went rigid. His head snapped up and away from you. You looked up at Logan and the other kids, then back to Kurt.

Kurt looked down at you and shook his head, “So sorry.” He said and set you down. There was another crack, a puff of smoke, and he was gone once more.

You glanced over at Logan, who was giving you a pointed look. You felt your stomach clench and heat rose to your cheeks. What had you done?

Logan nodded towards the school, and you followed him to the Professor’s office.

 

“That was very brave of you,” Charles said as he looked at you from across a desk, “Those kids would have died if you were not there. Logan tried to help you. You wouldn’t let him. Why?”

You sighed, looking at the ground, “He would have gotten killed as well.”

“Very little kills Logan…” he said under his breath.

You knew he was right. You looked over at Logan, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed prominently. Logan probably could have cut the rubble into two and saved you. “I wasn’t thinking…” you said quietly, “I just didn’t want him to get hurt. I was trying to keep him safe.”

Charles nodded, “You did very well. But you are not strong enough to stop the school from falling. You need to learn when to accept help from others, Y/N.  It may be your downfall.”

He wheeled around the desk to come in front of you, “Do you know who else would not accept help form friends?”

“Magneto.” You said sternly.

Charles nodded, “I don’t want to see you turn out like Eric.” He cleared his throat, “We need to increase your training. You need to be stronger. Rocks and rubble should not take so much out of you to push. You need to build your psychic muscle and become stronger.”

“I can’t train here anymore,” you said quickly.

Logan’s head snapped up at you as Charles stared. “What are you saying?” Logan’ gruff voice shot.

You sighed and hung your head down. “I can’t stand to be here anymore. I can’t take it… Especially after…”

Charles was staring at you unblinking. You knew he was in your mind, looking for your reasoning. Finally, he spoke, “This is about Professor Wagner.”

You nodded softly and you heard Logan scoff. “I’ve made a terrible mistake. If it was hard enough before to be around him it is going to be worse now. And I just don’t think I can take it…” your words were soft. You looked up at Charles, “It is a distraction.”

The room was still for several moments as Charles probed your mind. “I can see there is no changing your path.”

You nodded.

“Who will teach you how to control your powers?” he asked, “Where will you go if not here? What better place is there to teach you?”

You shook your head, “I don’t know, but it is time for me to go. Being here with him will bring nothing but heartache and distraction from training.”

“I think I have someone else in mind who can teach you.” Logan’s voice cut through the air. You looked over him and his muscles were strained with reluctance.

“Logan?” Charles prompted.

“I helped out some guys once. They owe me one. You may have heard of them.” Logan shrugged, “I can make sure she is taken care of Professor.”

“What of her training?” Charles asked, “It would be a shame to lose such a great potential member to the team.”

“There’s a girl there that can use some telekinesis.” He mentioned. “Let me make a call, I can work it out. Their base isn’t too far from here, last I checked.”

Your eyes moved back and forth from Logan to Charles. You could see that the Professor was deep inside of Logan’s mind, looking for the answers to all of his questions; for some kind of reaffirmation of your safety.

“Very well.”

Logan turned on his heel and exited the room. Charles turned back to you and studied your face, “You must promise me something.”

Your eyebrow raised in question.

“Never forget who you are. Never forget what you learned here. You will always be an X-men.”

You nodded, “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Charles smiled and nodded, as if he knew a joke that you didn’t, “Sometimes, I find that the things we want, change with the people around us.”

After a few moments Logan returned to the room. You looked up at him, heart filled with hope. “It’s done.” You released the breath you didn’t know you were holding in a sigh of relief. You could not wait to leave. The sooner the better. You wouldn’t say goodbye to Kurt, you had already decided, he probably didn’t want to see you.

“Where am I going?” you asked quietly. “Who are your friends, Logan? Are they good people?”

“They are led by the most straight forward guy you’ll ever meet.” He reassured you, “It’s really annoying.”

You laughed. You trusted Logan with your life. Out of all the people you had become friends with here, you were closest to Logan. You easily considered him your best friend. If he said it was okay, then it was going to be okay. You blinked as your face fell. You had realized something you didn’t think of before. Your eyes shot up to meet his, and he seemed to realize it too.

“I’m gonna miss you, kid.”

You nodded,  ”I’m going to miss you too.”

He nodded at the Professor and nodded toward the door. “Let’s go then. They are waiting for you.”

You stood up and made a move towards the door. You stopped mid-stride and turned back to the Professor. You stared at him in silence. Nothing would be possible if it wasn’t for him. You wondered how many lives he had changed like he had yours.

“It’s not goodbye forever.” He said, bemusedly, and rolled back behind his desk, “You act like you are never going to see us again.”

You smiled warmly at him, “No, I’m just leaving home.”


	3. Anew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair Warning: Slash Smut in this chapter.

You and Logan arrive at a small building a few cities away from the school. You tried desperately to tame your hair as it had been destroyed on the back of Logan’s bike. You tossed the extra helmet back onto the bike and followed him inside.

There were stairs and an elevator leading up, and an open lounge room to the side. Logan led you into the lounge room. There you saw a tall incredibly handsome man cut from marble talking to an equally beautiful woman with fiery hair.

“I am not going to fit in here.” You whispered to Logan.

Logan ignored you and walked up to them. The blonde haired blue eyed man turned to Logan and shot him a white smile. “Logan.”

“Cap.” He nodded and spared a glance to the woman.

“I hear you have a new recruit for me.”

Logan nodded sideways at you. “Y/N. She’s a good kid. You better take care of her.”

“She doesn’t look like a kid.” The woman’s voice travelled over to your ears.

“When you’re over a hundred, everyone’s a kid.” Logan said to her. She offered him a smirk.

“Hi.” The chiseled man said to you and offered a hand, “I’m Steve Rogers.”

He motioned to the woman as you shook his hand, “This is Natasha Romanov.”

“Hi.” She said softly.

“I’m Y/N.”

“I hear that you’re quite the skilled fighter.”

“I’m okay.” You said, “I can’t beat Logan or Jean just yet.”

Steve glanced at Logan. “Well we are happy to have you.”

“She still needs a lot of work. The Professor doesn’t want to go easy on her.”

You gave Logan a sideways glance. You were beginning to feel as though you were being treated like a kid. “I can take care of myself; just tell me who I will be training with.”

Natasha stood up and walked around the bar she was sitting at, “You’ll be training with me.”

You shot her a smile, feeling like she was actually treating you on her level. “Are you a mutant too?”

Her eyebrows went up. Steve cleared his throat and cut in. “Natasha will be training with you physically. We have another girl here to train with you in the psychic aspect. Her name is Wanda, and she has some powers similar to your telekinetic ability.”

You nodded, “okay.”

“Why don’t I go introduce you?” Steve motioned and walked down the hallway.

“Hey,” Logan called and you looked over to him. He tilted his head away and you motioned to Steve for one moment. You walked towards the door with your friend. “Are you going to be okay here?”

You sighed and nodded, “Anywhere is better than there right now.”

“You’re going to call me if you need anything?” He eyed you.

You smiled at him, “Even just a cup of sugar.”

He gave you a smirk and hugged your shoulders with one arm. “Take care of yourself Y/N.”

“You’re the one always getting into trouble.” You called after him as he walked away. He flipped you a middle finger as he sauntered out the door. You couldn’t help but smile. You turned back to Steve and walked over.

You followed him down to a corridor of rooms. “The girls bunk down here,” Steve explained, “The boys are upstairs. You’ve already seen the lounge, the kitchen is on the opposite side and there’s a training room in the basement. It’s not much but it’s what we have right now.”

He knocked on a door and opened it. The room was a dull gray, and there was a large bed in the middle. A young woman sat upon it crossed legged and pouring herself into a book. Her hair fell over her slim face in dark waves. Long lashes dipped over her eyes that raced back and forth across the page. You were relieved to see someone closer to your age.

She reached the end of the page and shut her book, looking up at you, “Steve?” she asked. She had an accent to her voice. Looking at her face, she was actually very pretty.

“Wanda, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Wanda Maximoff. She will be training you mentally.”

Wanda’s face lit up as she smiled. “I’m so excited to have someone like me here. You have no idea how difficult it has been being the only one like me.”

You smiled, “I know how that can be.”

She climbed out of her bed and walked over to you, “I hope we can be friends, as well as teammates.”

“Me too.” You said quietly.

 

You found a new home at the Team Cap base. Over the next few months, you would grow close to the three friends you met on that first day. You had your own dynamic with each of them. You had your own room, across the hall from Wanda’s, who you had gotten particularly close to.

You had grown stronger, with Wanda and Natasha training you. Things that were once difficult were now easy, and things that were completely out of reach before are now just really difficult. Your skill level had shifted.

You had just finished training with Wanda one day in the basement. She smiled at you and you couldn’t help but smile back. “You are doing so well. You have become so strong.”

You felt warm at her words. Or maybe you were just overly hot from the rough training session. “Let’s hit the showers, huh?”

She nodded at you and you both walked into the shower located in the locker room in the basement. You talked with her in the locker room as you stripped out of your training clothes into your undergarments. You turned to her and noticed she was staring at you. You suddenly felt embarrassed and grabbed a towel. “What is it?”

Her eyes shot up to you, she didn’t have anything to say.

You turned to her, wrapping the towel around your naked body. “Wanda, what is it?” you felt your heart straining.

She glanced down at the ground.

You slowly started to worry. “Is something wrong?”

“You’re so beautiful.” She said quietly.

You felt your body warm up. “What?”

She looked up at you, “You are very beautiful Y/N.” her words spilled out of her soft pink lips with confidence. “I just keep thinking that one day I’ll be able to kiss you, and it wouldn’t be weird. I keep thinking about it, but every time I do I just think you would push me away, but I don’t think I can take it any longer.”

You felt tingly all over. Were these words even real?

She could tell you felt uncomfortable and laughed nervously, “I’m putting myself out there, and you are just going to leave me here without an answer?”

You looked at her dark hair falling perfectly over her perky breasts. Wanda was beautiful. Not in the way that Natasha was, where everyone was attracted to her, but in her own special, secret way. You had never even considered that you had been attracted to her, or any girl, in that sort of way, but everything about Wanda just seemed right. The idea of kissing her was tantalizing. “Please kiss me.” You blurted.

Her eyebrows went up slightly, “Y/N…” she took a few strides towards you, “Are you sure?”

You took a deep breath and nodded. Her lips crashed on your as you were pressed against the lockers. You were not expecting such force but you were riled. Her hands placed on each side of your face as your wound your fingers into her silky hair. There was a lock jamming into your back but you did not care. All you knew was her.

Her kiss started to soften, and turned into lots of little kisses, soon her tongue was tracing over your bottom lip and you opened your mouth to let her in. Her tongue danced with yours.

She pressed against you firmly before pulling away. “I want to be with only you.” She said softly, looking into your eyes.

Everything about Wanda was perfect to you. There was no uncertainty like there was when you longed for Kurt. There was so anxiety and no butterflies. Wanda was warm, and comfortable, and safe, and home. You suddenly knew you never would want anyone but her. “Don’t ever leave me.” You said to her and pulled her into a kiss.

Wanda smiled into the kiss and pulled you towards the shower. Soon she had you against the cold tile, and reached behind you to turn on the water. It quickly became hot and steamy. Your hands slid down her slick smooth skin.

Her hands wandered down your chest and played with your breasts in a circular motion. You felt your pussy clench. Her lips trailed from your mouth and she sucked on your ear lobe, flicking her tongue inside. Her spontaneity was wonderful. “I want to take you.” She purred into your ear.

You let out a soft moan as her hand found your pussy and started rubbing circles on it creating delicious friction. “Will I be your first, my love?”

You nodded to her, “I’ve never been with a woman before…” you admitted. You knew that was not what she was asking, but you wanted her to know, not only was she your first sexual experience, but she was also your first woman. And hopefully there would be no one after her.

Wanda dropped to her knees and licked your clit with the tip of your tongue. She pressed her lips against you and sucked on it; your body convulsed. Her hands latched onto your thighs to keep you steady. You clutched her scalp with both your hands as she sucked on you.

Her mouth opened slightly and you felt the tip of her tongue traced slowly up your folds, from tip to tip. She nipped slightly at your bundle of nerves once more before her tongue was inside of you, tasting you fully. The hot water rained down upon you as her tongue swirled inside of you. Your hands trembled in her hair as you let out a wonderful ahh~ sound.

You could feel Wanda smile against you. Her wet soft appendage started thrusting in and out of you in quick succession. Every few movements, she would close her lips down and suck your clitoris, switching between the movements. You felt a sensation build up inside of your lower stomach.

A few more moments of fucking you with her tongue and you were spilling into her and moaning her name in sweet release. She stood up and grabbed you, thrusting her tongue into your mouth so you could drink yourself down.

She smiled at you and you returned it. She grabbed the soap and you both helped wash each other, from hair to rubbing each other’s body with soap. By the time your shower was over, you felt dirty and clean all at the same time.

Wanda invited you into her bedroom that night for an encore. This time you worked up the courage to treat her as well. You were disappointed when you couldn’t get her to cum. “It’s okay my love,” she said to you, petting your hair, “I am still satisfied with your love.” She kissed you softly, “How could I want anything more?”

You smiled into her lips as she wrapped her arms around you. You pulled up the covers and you fell asleep in her arms.


	4. Time

A year had passed since you began your relationship with Wanda. Everyone was very supportive. Even Steve, who didn’t understand the idea of a female and female relationship.

“Whatever makes you happy.” He said.

And you were happy. Everything in your life was finally falling into place. You were strong now; not as strong as Wanda, but you felt confident in your abilities. Enough so that you were now able to go on missions with Cap’s team.

You had Wanda, the most beautiful, perfect person in the entire world. You couldn’t imagine how you got so lucky. Your room was usually left unoccupied now. You had basically moved into Wanda’s room. Some nights you would stay up all night talking, others you would be doing other things. You had never loved someone so much.

You watched her put her make up on in the mirror, studying her perfect face. Your fingers twisted your hair into a fishtail braid. The blue streaks were now about half way down your hair. You hadn’t talked to Kurt since you left school. You were glad to finally let go of something so unhealthy.

You still talked to Logan, mostly over the phone, and you even heard from Jean and the Professor every once in a while. Everyone seemed so happy. Everything was perfect.

You got up and walked over to Wanda, grabbing her neck and pulling her face back and planting a kiss firmly on her lips. She giggled against you and wound her fingers into your hair. You pulled away from her and smiled down at her. Her smile in return was nothing less than radiant. “I’m going down to get some breakfast. I’ll see you down there?”

She nodded, “After I fix my lipstick again.”

“You’re already perfect!” you shouted as you walked out of the room.

“I love you!” you heard her call after you.

“I love you too!” you shouted from down the hall.

You heard Steve on the phone as you walked down into the kitchen. You made yourself a simple bowl of cereal and sat down at the table. You weren’t trying to eavesdrop, but Cap’s voice was strained. He was talking to someone about someone else.

He walked into the room and hung up the phone, “Oh, Good Morning, Y/N.”

“Mornin’ Cap.” You said through bites, “Everything alright?”

He nodded. “I was just checking in on a friend of mine.”

“It sounded pretty serious.” You said and he shot you a glance. You tossed your hands up, “I wasn’t listening; you are just loud.”

Steve sighed. “The situation is complicated…”

You took another bite, “What’s going on?”

“You shouldn’t talk with your mouth full, Y/N.”

“Shut up and talk.” You rolled your eyes.

A smile tugged at his lips. He looked down at the table before answering you, “Bucky is my best friend. Hydra put something into his head and he was used as their weapon. They controlled his mind. He finally escaped from them, but… That crap Hydra put In his head is still there. If they find him, they can trigger his control again.” He sighed, “He went back into cryogenic freeze to stop them from getting to him. I’m supposed to be finding a fix for it. It’s just taking so damn long! I thought I would have gotten one by now.”

You were watching him intently, “The Winter Soldier?”

Steve glanced at you and nodded.

You looked down and slurped another spoonful of cereal. Your shoulders shrugged, “If you can’t get stuff out of his head, why don’t you just put more in?”

“What?” he asked in, sounding both confused and outraged.

You looked up at him and dropped your spoon into the bowl with a clatter. You whipped your mouth off with the back of your hand, “Why don’t you put up a psychic barrier in his head around the junk that Hydra put in there so if they find him they would have to get through the barrier before they can use the mind control? Put a stop to the whole process?”

Steve stared at you in shock for several minutes. “What are you saying, Y/N?”

You raised an eyebrow, “I already said it, Steve. Have you really never thought of using psychic abilities to put more reinforcement into his head?”

Steve shook his head so slow it took several seconds to make the entire motion.

“Oh.” You said and looked back at your bowl, “I guess it just takes one. I bet Wanda could do it.”

Steve cleared his throat. “That wouldn’t solve the problem.”

You glanced up at him, “It just seems like you really miss him and worry about him. Wouldn’t it be easier not to worry if he was here with you?”

Steve seemed to actually be considering your option. He sighed and shook his head, “Wanda doesn’t do psychic barriers…” His eyes shot up to you, “You could.”

Your mouth dropped, “No. No way, Steve. I barely know how to. Like you said, Wanda doesn’t know how to. I don’t have a lot of training on it. They are weak. My powers couldn’t stand up to Hydra.”

Steve sighed again, “I just wish there was a way I could help Bucky.”

You pressed your lips together, “I’m sorry Cap.” You stood up and put your bowl into the sink, washing it out and setting it to dry, “I’ll let you know if I think of anything.”

“Thanks, Y/N.”

 

                You were down in the basement with Natasha for physical training. She quickly threw punch after punch at you, which you would duck and weave, or block. She dropped down for a sweep kick which you jumped. She flipped up onto her hands and wrapped her legs around your head. She shifted her weight and used her hips to propel you forward and flip you over her and onto your back. “Fuck, Nat…” you hissed, landing hard.

She sat up with her knees on either side on your shoulders and smirked down at you. You groaned and tapped the mat. Nat got off of you, and reached out a hand to help you up. “I’m never going to get used to that flip.”  


Natasha shrugged, “Gotta be quick, Y/N.”

“Hey,” you warned her, “I’m quick. I’m just not tens of years of assassin training quick. If I was able to use all of my powers, I could have you down in thirty seconds. A minute tops!”

She smirked at your confidence, “I’ll have to take you up on that sometime.”

“Yeah, you be ready for that, Romanov.” You taunted.

She gave you a look and walked out of the training room. You smiled to yourself and headed towards the locker room.

You yanked open your locker and started stripping down out of your training clothes. You grabbed your casual wear and started getting dressed. You grabbed your phone and checked the messages. You noticed that Logan had called you, so you pressed the call button and listened to the ring.

“Y/N.” his gruff, smoky voice answered.

“Hey, old man, you rang?” you said, sitting down to pull your shoes on. You smiled as you could hear him scoff through the phone.

“Just calling to see how you were…” his voice trailed off, and you picked up on something being off.

“What’s up?” you asked in an inquiring tone. When he didn’t answer you knew what was going on, “Jean’s off somewhere dangerous again, isn’t she?”

“Professor says she’s fine.” He said quickly. “She is checking out a group of mutants down south.”

“You’re worried about her.” You pointed out.

“Jean can handle herself.” He mentioned, dodging the question you know he would not answer.

You decided to change the subject. He was looking for a familiar voice and some distraction. “I bet I can beat you now in combat. I’ve been training with Natasha. She’s very fast; faster than you. She has a very different fighting style than you do, but I have gotten pretty good.”

Logan let out a single laugh, “I guess you better come up to the school sometime soon, and put some money on those words.”

“You bet.” You smiled and put the phone on speaker, setting it down so you could pull on your bra and shoes.

“How is that girl of yours?”

You smiled brightly, “Wonderful as always.”

“Are you ever going to bring her up here?” he asked. You glanced awkwardly at the phone and fell silent.

“Why are you so worried?” he asked.

You shook your head, “I’m not.”

“You’re a bad liar, Y/N.”

“If you say so.”

“Are you stronger than her yet? How is your training going?”

You picked up your phone and threw your training clothes into the wash by the wall. “It’s going very well. I can make small psychic barriers now. I can lift almost as much as you can.”

You turned on the washer and walked towards the door. “There is no way I can ever be stronger than her though,” you mention, “Her skills are very different than mine. We only share one power in common. But she is trying to help me project my thoughts, kind of like the Professor can. I swear, he may be the only person more powerful than Wanda.”

Suddenly you stopped in your tracks, hand halfway to the doorknob. Why hadn’t you thought about it earlier? The answer was right in front of you. You heard Logan call your name. “I’m sorry, Logan, I have to call you back later. Something just came up.”

He caught the tone of you voice and agreed quickly, “Anything I can do?”

“Tell the Professor to expect my call!” you shouted into your speaker phone as you throw the door open and raced up the stairs. You pressed the end call button and shoved your phone into your pocket. You ran all the way up to the second floor and down the hall to Cap’s room.

“Steve!” you shouted as you throw the door open.

Steve jumped, “Jesus, Y/N!”

“Sorry!” you breathed as you gasped for breath.

“What are you doing up here?”

“I know how to help him.” You say, motioning with your hands, “Your friend.”

This got Steve’s attention, as he put down a photo he was looking at and turned to you, leaning against his desk and crossing his arms.

“The psychic barriers,” you said, “They can work. We just need someone more powerful, someone who can do them.”

“Right,” Steve nodded, “But you are not strong enough, and Wanda doesn’t know how.”

You smiled and nodded, “But I happen to know the most powerful psychic on the planet.” You made a large exaggerated gesture with your hands. “The Professor. He took me in, he trained me. He can help you put up barriers in your friend’s mind. Hydra wouldn’t stand a chance against his power.”

“Professor Xavier?” Steve asked, and you nodded. He seemed to be seriously considering the possibility. “Do you really think it would work?”

“There is no harm in trying, right?”

“What if what Hydra already put in his head is too strong?”

You scoffed, “This is _the Professor_. I have never known anyone more capable than he is.”

Steve stared at you in silence. The air was thick with tension. “Would he help us?”

You nodded, “I’m sure.”

Steve fished his phone out of his pocket and glanced up at you, “We leave in the morning.”

You nodded and turned on your heel, walking out of his room. You had a few phone calls to make.

 

                You lay in bed with Wanda, you were on your side, tracing her stomach with your fingertips, as she looked over at you with slight worry. “You are really going to activate him?”

You nodded slowly, “That’s how we know if it worked, Wan.”

She sighed and looked up at the ceiling, “I don’t like this.”

“I thought you were friends with him?” you asked her, looking down at how her skin twitched under your touch.

One of her shoulders went up half-heartedly, “I only met him once. I helped Steve fight Tony and all of our friends, because Steve wanted to save him.”

You smiled softly, “Steve sounds like a really amazing friend.”

“He loves him.” She said quietly.

Your eyebrows shot up, when she glanced at you she laughed, “Not like that,” she explained, “Not like you and I. They are like brothers. I’ve never seen any two people so close before.”

You smiled and leaned over her, “Not even you and I?”

She smiled at you and slid her hand into your hair and pulled you down for a kiss. Once you pulled back her face was once again struck with worry. “Please be careful, Y/N. You don’t know what he is capable of.”

“I know what _I_ am capable of.” You pointed to her, “You know how strong I am now. I can restrain a man with my mind if I have to. Plus the Professor will be with me.” You smiled, “And Steve.” You added quickly.

She sighed and shook her head, “I don’t see why you have to go with them.”

“Because I told them I would help.” You mentioned. You brushed a stray hair out of her face, “Please stop worrying.”

“I love you. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you.”

“You would kill him.” You said, in total seriousness. Wanda gave you a glance that let you know that it was true.

You leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips. You reached over and turned the light off and cuddled up to her. “I’m going to miss this.” You sighed.

Her arms wrapped around you, “Then you had better hurry home as soon as you are done.”

You nodded against her skin and buried your face into her soft hair. You breathed her in deep, trying to take the memory with you when you left. It would be the longest time that the both of you would be apart.


	5. Defrost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we are just going to pretend that Bucky still has an arm, bc I forgot to write that in, and it's a bit more annoying to bring in Hank to create it, since I obviously can't have Tony.

You stood next to the Professor as the cryogenic freeze in front of you hissed. Steve was standing on the other side of the freeze as the door finally opened. You looked at the man inside. He didn’t look very dangerous, his face was still. Your eyes wandered over his strong jaw and soft full lips. Dark hair fell over his face. The man lurched forward and gasped for breath as his eyes shot open.

“Bucky!” Steve shouted and grabbed the shoulder of his friend. ”Bucky, are you alright?”

He looked around frantically and finally looked up at Steve, “Steve?”

“Hey buddy.”

Bucky was breathing heavily. You realized this may be the first time he breathed in years. He groaned and wiped his eyes that were watering. “That’s always really unpleasant.”

His voice made your ears perk, somewhere between a broken Brooklyn drawl and a Russian accent. He seemed to finally steady his breathing, “How long have I been asleep?”

“Not long.” Captain said with a smile, “Everyone is still alive.”

Bucky smiled and nodded as if Steve had just made a joke. His eyes finally flicked over to you and the Professor. “Who are they?”

Steve cleared his throat, “Bucky, this is Professor Xavier. He is a powerful mutant skilled in psychic abilities. He is here to help you.”

“Hello, James.” Charles nodded.

Bucky jerked his head up in a way of saying hello. Then his eyes moved to you. “And who are you?”

You didn’t notice you had been holding a breath until you gasped before answering. You motioned from Steve to Charles, “I’m just here because these two don’t know each other.”

Bucky’s eyebrows wrinkled together in a question.

“Middle-man.” You added quietly, and looked up at Steve.

Steve helped Bucky out of the freeze, “It’s good to see you.” He said and pulled him into a hug, which Bucky returned.

“Did you find a way?” Bucky asked, pulling away.

Steve gave a nervous glance at you. “Not exactly. But we think there is another solution.”

Bucky’s body went stiff and he radiated in stiff, thick, seriousness. He stared at Steve, waiting to hear what he had to say. Steve seemed to be crushing under his stare so you stepped up.

“The Professor here is the most powerful mutant alive.” You mentioned, taking a step forward and motioning to Charles as Bucky turned to you. “His mind is like nothing anyone has ever seen. His power is of psychic nature.”

Steve finally jumped in, walking around the freeze over to where you and the Professor were, “We think that with his mind and power, he will be able to set up psychic shields in your mind to prevent Hydra from getting in.”

Bucky was studying the Professor. You glanced down at the Professor and you knew the look that spread across his face. He was inside of Bucky’s mind. You glanced up to Bucky, who was very still, staring unyieldingly at the Professor.

“You have a lot going on in your head, James.” Charles spoke.

Bucky sneered at him, “I don’t like people getting inside of my head uninvited.”

This surprised you. Bucky was able to sense the Professor in his head. You glanced over at Steve. From what you were told, you were betting that Bucky had people in his head so many times that he could tell when someone was there.

“It doesn’t seem like you have invited anyone.” Charles quipped, “And yet, here we are.”

Bucky tilted his head to the side and gave Steve a look that you read as ‘Do you hear this asshole?’

You felt both offended and amused, when you turned to Steve, “You better tell him.”

Bucky glanced at you, “Tell me what?”

Steve sighed, and Bucky turned to him, “Tell me what, Steve?”

“We haven’t exactly had anyone else with Hydra tech in their minds to test this on.” Steve explained, not quite look him in the eye, “This will be the first trial.”

Bucky let out an unreal laugh, “So you don’t even know if it _works_? What happens if we run into Hydra, Steve? Just wait for them to come find me so I can murder everyone?”

“Not exactly…” Steve trailed off, and you could tell it was hard for him to say.

“Then what?” Bucky barked.

Steve was tense. You read it in his body language. Once again, you cut in, “We are going to activate the soldier.”

Bucky whirled on you, eyes wide in disbelief. “No you are not.” He commanded.

You nodded, unafraid of him. “The Professor can get the activation code form your mind. We are going to activate you to see if it works.”

Suddenly, Bucky was in your face, “Do you have any idea what I could do to you?” he breathed.

You met his gaze, unflinching, “Do you have any idea what _I_ can do to _you_?”

He laughed darkly in your face, “I’ve killed over a hundred people. And that’s just the people I was ordered to kill. I’m not even talking about the people who got in my way. I could snap your neck with my bare hands.”

You breathed in steadily, meeting his icy eyes, “No one here is going to order you to kill anyone.” You said, “Better here with three people who can take you down than around innocent bystanders, right?"

Bucky’s eyes twitched back and forth to each of your eyes. He took a deep breath and turned to Steve, “You have to put me back if this doesn’t work.”

“I promise, Buck.” He said.

Charles spoke up once more, “Let’s get started then.” He said and wheeled out of the room, followed by Steve and Bucky. As Bucky was almost out of the room you spoke to him.

“For the record,” you called, and he turned to you, looking into your eyes, “You may be able to break my neck with your bare hands, but I can break yours with my mind.”

Bucky seemed to be studying you. The longer you stood in silence, the more his demeanor seemed to soften; until he finally spoke. “Then I trust you’ll put me down if you need to.”

Your lips twitched. The way his eyes looked into you and his body, you could read his desperation. “I will.” You said quietly, in an unspoken promise.

He nodded and turned, walking from the room.

 

                The four of you were locked inside of a stone room in the palace. The only furniture was a cold metal table that Bucky was currently laid down on. Charles was up at his head, and you and Steve were on either side of him. Charles was going over the entire process of what he was going to do with Bucky. Every few moments Bucky would glance at either you or Steve.

You looked up at Steve in his full Captain gear, shield and everything. His stance was very defensive. You prepared your mind in case you needed a weapon. Soon Charles was motioning to you and Steve.

“Are you ready?”  he asked Bucky.

You could see his jaw clench and he swallowed. He didn’t answer.

“This isn’t where we activate you.” You reassured him and he looked up, meeting your eyes. You offered a soft smile. “Just relax. It’ll be easier if you don’t fight it. You aren’t going to be killing anyone yet.”

Bucky stared at you in silence, and finally sighed. He looked up at the ceiling. “I’m ready.”

The Professor nodded and placed his hands on either side of his head, resting his fingers on his temples. The Professor closed his eyes and you could feel presence of Charles’ power. You watched Bucky as he seemed to force himself to relax, but his muscles were still stiff and ready. You looked down at the ground, unable to look at the poor soul any longer. You could feel him, always ready to fight or flee at any second; unable to ever let his guard down.

Steve seemed to notice your disposition, because he walked over to speak with you quietly. “Are you alright?”

You glanced up at him and nodded, “I can feel him.”

Steve’s eyes flicked over to Bucky and back to you, “I didn’t know you could do that.”

You took in a deep breath and shrugged a shoulder, “I mean I can’t get into people’s heads, but I can usually read what they are feeling through their body language. It’s not really a special power or anything. Anyone can do it if they just try; even you.”

Steve smiled lightly at you and put a hand on your shoulder, “I’m really proud at how much you have grown, Y/N.”

You smiled at him, “Thank you, Steve.”

He nodded and looked over at Bucky, before returning to his spot on the other side of him.

You waited as tension rose higher and higher over an entire hour, until finally the Professor pulled away. He looked up between Steve and you, “It’s done.”

Bucky’s eyes opened and he looked up and the Professor. You and Steve exchanged glances. Charles moved an inch or two back as Bucky sat up on the table. He looked over at you, and then to Steve.

No one said anything. Everyone knew the next step and no one wanted to address it. Bucky looked wrecked and helpless. His reluctance filled your soul. You closed your eyes and tried to focus on not feeling bad for him. ‘We have to do this so we can make sure you don’t hurt anyone.’ You thought.

When you opened your eyes Bucky was staring at you as if you spoke to him. You took a deep breath and looked over to the Professor. He seemed to be waiting for your direction.

You cleared your throat, “Are you ready?” you asked, Bucky, who was still watching you. “The Professor will activate you.” You said and stopped before re-wording, “The Professor will activate the Soldier. Steve and I will try to give you direction. If all goes well, then we’ll just be talking to Bucky.”

Bucky’s lips were pressed thin and white. “And if things go wrong?”

“Then we try again.” Steve said quickly.

Bucky glanced over at him, “Steve, you need to be ready to put me down.”

He placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, “I promised, didn’t I? Hopefully we won’t need to.”

Bucky looked down at the ground. You nodded to the Professor. “It’ll be okay.” You felt the need to reassure him. He did not look at you.

Charles had already pulled his trigger words out of his head, and slowly he spoke every word that would send Bucky unraveling. It was hard to watch as his body quaked. He was trying so hard to fight it. Soon, the last word left Charles’ lips.

Bucky was sitting in silence, not looking up. It sounded as though he was holding his breath. You looked over at Steve how gave you a look. You stepped forward, “Soldier?” you called, the word sounding foreign on your tongue. Bucky’s eyes glanced up at you, and then around at everyone else.  “You can only listen to me now. I’m here to give you an order. Don’t worry about the others. Just me.”

You stepped forward until you were standing in front of Bucky; you could hear ragged breath coming in and out of him, “Bucky?” you asked. His cold eyes shot up at you and suddenly he jumped up and grabbed your throat.

“Bucky!” Steve yelled, as the Winter Soldier pinned you to a wall, knocking the breath out of you. His eyes were wild and there was no sign of humanity in them. Your hands wrapped around the cold metal appendage that laced around your neck. You mentally pulled on him, able to loosen his grasp so you could breathe.

Steve ran up and raised his shield, bringing it crashing down on the soldier’s head. He collapsed onto the floor, and you landed on your feet gasping to breath. You looked down at his unconscious form on the ground.

“Well that was easy.” Steve panted. “Usually he catches me coming up on him.”

You looked over at him, “I told him not to pay attention to you.”

Steve’s eyebrows rose up and he nodded. “Alright, well…” He threw his shield onto his back and lent down, scooping Bucky up and bringing him back over to the table. He laid him back down and looked over at Charles. “Anything more you can do?”

Charles looked over at you and nodded, “I can lay a few more reinforcements. It would work better if I had some help.”

“Me?” you asked him.

“Two is always better than one.” He said. “You can layer walls on top of my walls; more resistance for the words to break through. Adding your walls may push him over the edge. I could feel him fighting. He was almost there.”

You drew a deep breath and looked over at Steve who nodded. “I am not very good at that yet, Professor.”

“I know you can do it.” He replied.

Steve smiled at you, “Remember, you’ve grown now, Y/N. Please.”

You released the breath and nodded. “Okay Professor, walk me through.”

 

                You stood beside Bucky, looking down at his sleeping face. Your hands rested on either side of his face, your fingertips at the base of his temples, brushing against Charles’ fingertips, who was still above him. You focused on layering walls around the dark core of Hydra control that Charles had led you to inside of Bucky’s mind. You tried to not pay attention to the way his stubble tickled the heels of your palms. When you finally could not layer anything more, you sighed, “Okay, Professor.”

You pulled your hands away and looked down at his serene expression, “Is he in there Charles?”

“He’s there…”

You finally looked away and walked down towards the end of the table. Steve motioned to Charles, “Jolt him.”

Charles released his hands from his temple as he focused, and Bucky jolted awake. Before he could move, Charles spoke the words to active the soldier once more.

Bucky sat at the end of the table breathing steady. Steve stepped up.  “Alright, Soldier.” He said and knelt down in front of Bucky. “Hit me.”

Bucky’s fist few forward and smashed Steve right in the nose, as he stumbled back. You leapt forward to help contain the solider, when you froze as you heard chuckling.

“That was a really bad order, Steve.” Bucky laughed.

Steve was holding his nose when he came back up and he gave Bucky a smile, “I suppose it was.”

You sighed in relief as you looked at the two of them. You looked over at the Professor, who was giving you a smile.

When you looked back to them Bucky was staring at you. The smile slowly slid off of your face.

“Thank you.” He said quietly.

“Anytime.” You breathed. Steve helped Bucky up off the slab and the two walked to the door. Steve unlocked it and moved with Bucky outside. You heard him mention about having a lot to catch up on.

You looked over at Charles, who was staring at you contently. You could feel him prying inside of your mind.

“You have grown so strong, Y/N. I am very proud of you, you know.”

“I know.”

He wheeled around the table over to you. “I hope you still have not given up on being an X-man.”

You looked at him blankly, “Why would I ever do that?”

Charles gave you a knowing look; like an inside joke only he knew.  “ You would have to leave and come back to the school. There is something in you that wouldn’t want to leave the home you have made.”

You felt your heart sink. It would mean leaving Wanda; leaving all of your friends behind. You had done it before. But now you had her. You hadn’t admitted it yet, but Charles had found your doubt. If you continued to follow your dream to become an X-men, it would mean leaving the Avengers and Wanda behind.

“Of course, there is something else too.” He said and smiled.

“What else?” you asked blankly, wondering what else had pulled from you.

He smiled, “I think I will let you find that one yourself.” He said and wheeled out of the room, leaving you to your thoughts.

 

                Later, you were sitting along the edge of the palace, enjoying the beautiful forest view Wakanda had to offer. It had been such a long day; Charles had already departed back to the school on the jet. You hadn’t heard anything from Steve of Bucky since they left the stone room.

You were leaning back against a wall, tilting your head back and breathing in the thick air, caked with moisture. Your eyes were closed, and you were pretty sure you could fall asleep right here.

A throat clear next to you made you jump. You tore yourself out of your head and looked over, meeting cold icy eyes. “Bucky!” you exclaimed, “I didn’t hear you come up.”

“Oh.” He said quietly and hung his head, “Yeah, sometimes I forget that people don’t normally see or hear me.”

You wondered in what other ways all the years of wear affected him. “Where’s Steve?”

“He went to bed. He said you had to wake up really early to get here when you did.”

You nodded, “Yeah, no kidding. I’m not even sure I really slept.” You said. You hadn’t. You stayed up all night saying goodbye to Wanda, and by the time you were ready for bed, Steve was knocking on the door.

“Why did you do this for me?” he asked you in all seriousness.

You looked over him, he was watching you; waiting for your answer. “You’re Steve’s friend. He would do anything for you in a heartbeat. And anyone Steve supports that much, well, can’t be all that bad.”

Bucky glanced down, “I’m not exactly how Steve remembers me. I don’t really know who I am anymore.”

“Well, who did you use to be?” you asked.

He smiled to himself, “From what I remember, I was a pretty straight guy.” He shook his head and chuckled a little, “I was quite a charmer with girls. I could just smile at them…”

You smiled and looked back at the view, “Why don’t you start there?”

Bucky didn’t answer for several moments, “But why did you do this for me?”

You breathed in slowly, taking in the air.

“You didn’t have anything to gain. You went out of your way, asking favors from important people to you for someone you don’t even know. What if it didn’t work? What if I killed you and you did all that for nothing?”

It was your turn to be silent for several minutes as the forest settled into a slumber. “I guess you better find out a way to make it up to me then.”

Out of the corner of your eye you could see him nod. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence and watched the forest. Neither of you felt pressured to fill the silence.

You would sit together for another half an hour before you stood, his eyes following you. “I think I better catch some sleep. It has been a really long day.”

He nodded, and looked back at the view.

“Are you going to try to sleep?” you asked him.

He shook his head, “I’ve been out too long.”

“But is that really restful?” you asked him. He looked up at you, eyebrow raised. “I mean,” you continued, “Being frozen can’t be the same as getting a good night sleep in a real bed, is it?”

He shrugged.

You cleared your throat, “Okay, well, I guess I will see you in the morning.”

You turned and walked away, heading towards your chamber. Soon, Bucky was beside you. You looked up at him, and he glanced down at you.

“So what’s with the blue hair?” Bucky asked.

You laughed. “Just something I did to try to impress someone once.”

“Did it work?”

“Not at all.” You rolled your eyes. You walked with him quietly for several minutes.

“Did you love him?” he broke the silence.

You stopped and looked up at him. You watched as his face changed to an inquiring look at you. Nobody had ever even bothered to ask you about your hair before. Not even Wanda. And no one had ever asked if you had been in love before. “No, I don’t think so.” You admitted.

“Then why did you change yourself to impress someone you didn’t love?”

You gave a single laugh and shrugged, “Sometimes it’s really hard to tell the difference.”

His eyes studied you, but he did not reply. You started walking together again and soon you were at your door. You turned to him and smiled warmly. “Well, I guess this is goodnight.”

You thought you could see a smile tug at his lips, “Until tomorrow then.”

You nodded, “I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Bucky.” you grabbed the handle and pulled the door open when his words struck a nerve within you.

“Goodnight, doll.”

You froze. All the sudden you felt your cheeks become hot, and you looked over, but he was already gone. You took a deep breath and walked inside.


	6. Heat

The flight home from Wakanda seemed to take hours, you slept through some of it. Bucky managed to sleep through all of it. He did not go to bed at all the night before. When you finally saw the doors of the Cap Base, you sighed in relief.

The three of you walked inside and you were welcomed by Wanda running over to embrace you. You smiled and wrapped your arms around her. She pulled back and kissed you fully on the lips. Bucky’s eyebrows went up as he watched.

You smiled into it and pulled her close. “I’ve missed you so much, my love.” She spoke into your lips.

“I missed you too, Wan.” You said, pulling away from her. She turned to Bucky and smiled.

“It is good to see you again.”

He nodded.

“Welcome back, Barnes.” Natasha said as she walked up. “How was your sleep? Did they give you a blanket?”

You smirked at Nat’s quip and greeted her. Wanda pulled at your hand, “Let’s go get lunch together.”

You nodded, “Yeah. Let me go change into something clean.”

After walking to the bedroom the both of you shared and changing you returned to the lounge to meet her. She smiled at you warmly and the two of you went out for a lunch date.

 

As you sat at a table at your usual date spot, you told her all about Wakanda, and about the process of containing the Hydra manipulation in Bucky’s head. When she heard about how he had attacked you she about snapped.

“He hurt you? He could have killed you.”

You shook your head, “I’m not really sure he would have. Steve stopped him either way.”

“He is dangerous.”

“No.” you said quickly, “He’s fixed. It worked.”

“He could hurt you again.”

“Nah.” You shrugged, “He isn’t so bad.”

You picked at your meal and continued to talk to her about what had happened with her while you were away. During the conversation you could feel Charles’ words nagging at you in the back of your head.

“You really are getting so strong, Y/N.”

You smiled at your plate, “Everyone keeps telling me that, but there is still so much I can’t do.”

Her hand reached across the table and rested upon yours. “You can do anything.”

You looked up at her, smiling at you so confidently, and you decided to spill some beans. “I think I successfully projected my thoughts into someone else.”

Her eyes lit up. “Really? What happened? Who was it?”

You cast a look nervously down at your plate as a small smile spread on your lips. “It was Bucky.”

The light faded. “Oh.”

You looked up at her, trying to push off her wariness. “I was thinking about him and how he must be feeling. In my head, I told him to just relax, and when I looked, I think he had heard me.”

You could feel her hand pulled back from yours slightly and you reacted by grasping both of her hands in yours. “I have been working on that for so long, Wan. I just don’t know why it came so easy. Maybe it was because his mind was already open to Charles, or because your mind is so much stronger, but it worked with him.”

She nodded, looking away, a clear disappointment pasted on her face. “It is probably me. I know how hard it is for you to reach my mind. My powers try to force you out. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”

You tugged her hands so she looked over at you, and you gave her a reassuring smile, “You are always there for me.”

She smiled and you leaned over the table and kissed her. When you pulled way, she gave you a smirk, “I hope you got plenty of sleep, because I am going to keep you up all night.”

You smiled at her, “I wouldn’t want anything else.”

 

When you returned to the base, Wanda tried to convince you to sneak away, but you had to tell her you had scheduled training with Natasha. You had done so much mental training over the week you were away that you were in dire need for physical training. You scheduled a session with Natasha before your lunch.

You sat at the bar in the lounge waiting for Natasha to show up so you could walk down to the training room together. You were drinking out of your glass when Bucky sat on the stool next to you with a beer in his hand.

You looked over at him and smiled, “Hey, I saw you this time.”

His lips tugged, “I’m working on that.”

You chuckled. “How are you adjusting to being back?”

“It’s not really back for me.” He admitted. “I’ve never been here before.”

“Oh.” You said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Steve set me up with a room upstairs. It has a bed in everything. I can’t tell you how long it has been since I have actually had my own place to live. I mean, I would travel a lot before, but I was jumping from place to place so often that nowhere felt like home, ya know? Finally having a place to call home, well, that may be the best feeling I’ve had in a long time.”

You looked at him softly, and his eyes met yours. “I guess I will be getting that good night sleep soon.”

You smiled, “I think you probably deserve it.”

He took a long draft of his beer, “So, you and Wanda are together?”

You were a little surprised at his question. “Uh, yeah.”

“I didn’t know you were like that.”

You felt heat rise up to your cheeks. You bit your lip, somehow embarrassed at his realization.

“The blue haired person, was that a dame too?” he inquired.

You shook your head and tried to push away the embarrassment. “No, that was a guy… A teacher, actually.” You found yourself admitting to him; something you hadn’t even told Wanda.

There was that tug of his lips again. “That’s a bit dangerous, don’t you think, doll?”

You felt your body heat up, “Well, it didn’t really go far. I left before that. That’s actually why I left…”

He looked over at you, watching your expressions change. Without realizing it, he had moved his flesh hand up and was holding your braid, his thumb dragging down your soft locks. “Why blue?”

The embarrassment was back again and you felt fire in your cheeks. “He, uh, is a mutant. Only he has… blue skin.”

He spit his beer in a fit of laughter. After the initial surprise he gave you, you started giggling at his reaction. “You can’t be serious, doll?”

You nodded profusely, blushing. “I am very serious!”

The two of you laughed together, and it felt really good. You hadn’t told anyone about Kurt, and to be able to get it off your chest and just laugh about it felt really really good.

Bucky felt it too. It had been so long since he really laughed at something whole heartedly. It was so hard for him to forget and just let go. But sitting with you and watching you smile was one of the most liberating feelings. He felt it may even be better than having a place to call home.

Your vision caught something and you looked up, seeing Natasha making her way out the front door. “Nat!” you called. She stopped and looked over at you, “I thought we were training?”

She held up her cell. “Duty calls.”

You groaned, “Man, I really needed the physical work out.”

She nodded at Bucky, “Just, uh, train with the soldier.”

You exchanged looked with Bucky and then back to Natasha.

“He’s on my level.” She said, “He’s had more training then I have. He can take you down.” She waved and walked out the door without another glance.

Her words had you pressing your lips together as a pool of fire sat in your stomach. You were seriously beginning to question if you had a fever or something, because you never felt like this before.

You were brought back to earth when Bucky spoke to you. “So,” he nodded towards the basement door, “What do you say, doll? It’s been a long time for me too; I could use the work out.”

You nodded as he got up; he extended a hand to you, which you took as he helped you down from your stool. He dropped your hand and you walked together down to the training room.

You changed into your training clothes and walked out to meet Bucky. He had changed into combat gear that he looked way too comfortable in.

“Are you ready?” you asked him, stretching your arms and legs.

He watched your body move, “Don’t hold back.”

You smirked at him, “You better not hold back either. I remember what you said. Either I am leaving here with a broken neck, or, you really suck.”

His eyes narrowed as he smirked. You moved forward and threw a punch, which he blocked. You tried to get him with another one, which he also blocked. He pushed forward and moved to strike you, which you moved out of the way just in time.

You kicked at him and he grabbed your leg and swung you across the room. You stumbled and he rushed up, grabbing your neck and pinning you to the wall with his arm. You breathed heavily. His weight was keeping you up above the floor, and the leverage of the wall was on your back. You took advantage of it and brought both your legs up and used them both to kick him in the chest.

He fell back a few feet onto his back, but quickly rolled backwards so he landed on his feet. You ran over to him, ready to pull Natasha’s move where she jumped on you and choked someone with her legs, leaving her hands open to break your neck.

His head snapped up and eyes met you just as you thought how to get your legs around him, and you stopped. The idea of wrapping your legs around his neck brought a fire to the pit of your stomach, and you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

Bucky noticed your change in demeanor and stood up, “You’re holding back.”

You looked at him and were surprised at what you read off his body, “So are you.”

Bucky let out a sharp breath. “I don’t want you to hold back. Give me everything you’ve got. You’ve got powers. Use them.”

You looked at him quietly, “It’s just physical training….”

“You don’t train with anyone using both mental and physical, do you?”

You shook your head.

“Then give me _everything_.” He said.

“I don’t want to damage you.” You spoke softly.

“You won’t hurt me. Don’t take me so lightly, doll.”

You could feel your cheeks run hot. “But I don’t want to _damage_ you.”

Bucky’s face fell as he knew you meant the walls inside of his head that were keeping him himself. He glanced down at the ground, “You can do a mental attack and break them?”

You shook your head, “No, I can’t do anything like that…”

“What can you do?”

You were a little surprised at his curiosity. “Well,” you said, “I am telekinetic; I can lift and manipulate things with my mind. Even make myself seem stronger. I can erect psychic barriers in my mind or in others’ minds.”

You took a deep breath, “I’ve been trying to see if I can project my thoughts to others. I think I might be able to.”

“You can.” He added.

A smile broke out on your lips. Bucky liked to watch you smile, but he watched it slip from your face far too quickly.

“I can’t attack the mind, or take anything out, or hear others thoughts. I can’t take things out of peoples’ minds. Just put things in…” you began talking so soft Bucky had to strain to hear you. “Like Hydra…”

“You are not like Hydra.” He said firmly.

You looked up at him, almost sad, “How do you know? I may end up advancing my powers; I could be just like them.”

 “I could feel you there.” He said reassuringly, “In my head… I could feel that you wouldn’t hurt me, or anyone else. I could _feel_ you.”

You were taken aback and yet touched by his words. You both stood there, looking at each other contently. Soon, he changed his stance. “So, give me everything you’ve got, doll.”

You tilt your neck to the side. “Don’t go all soft on me.”

“You can count on it.” He smiled.

“One way or another, one of us will be leaving with a broken neck.”

“Sounds good to me.”

You curled a finger at him, egging him to approach you; a gesture that Bucky seemed to like because he came at you with full force. You ducked as he swung at you. You sweep kicked which he jumped. You tried to pull the kick move that Natasha taught you, but he grabbed you and rolled you onto the floor.

Bucky reached down and pulled out a knife and brought it down. You caught it in one hand, the other pinned by Buck’s leg. He grabbed the back of the knife with his metal arm, which whirred and the knife plummeted at your shoulder.

You pushed with your mind as hard as you could and sent him flying back away from you as the blade nicked your skin. You rolled your back and flipped up onto your feet. Bucky climbed up to stand again and you reached your hand out to the weapons wall, causing a katana to fly across the room into your hand. You whirled it in a circle in your hand comfortably, and rushed him.

You swung forward; he would step backwards and out of the way each time. You could read that he was ready for your next lunge, so you feigned, and brought your leg up and kicked him in the chest. He stumbled back and you swung the sword in a sweeping gesture horizontally, and it sliced through his shirt and drew a stipe of blood across his abdomen.

You froze, staring at the blood trickle out of his stomach. “You hesitated!” he yelled, and suddenly his fist met your stomach and you flew up and hit the celling in a painful crash. You yelped as you hit and you quickly fell towards the ground. You threw your hands out in front of you and stopped falling midair.

You were breathing heavily, and Bucky stepped below you looking up at you. “Well, that’s different, doll.”

You looked down at him taking a last deep breath. He reached his hand up to you, which you took and slowly lowered yourself down to the ground, taking a step forward. When you landed, you were mere inches from him. Your eyes went to his abdomen.

Your hands reached out and your fingers brushed against him, “Are you alright?”

When he didn’t answer you, you looked up at him. He had been watching you. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“You did really good, doll. Just a bit further and you would have gut me” He said as if it was supposed to be a compliment.

You were in disbelief of him. “Here, let me help you. We better take care of it or it might get infected.”

He nodded and the two of you walked over towards the rest station. He sat down on a bench as you grabbed the first aid kit off the wall. You turned and walked over to him as he peeled his shirt off of his body. You stopped mid stride, eyes drawn down to his muscles, glistening with sweat.

You caught sight of the blood seeming through the thin line across him and you snapped out of it, walking over and sitting beside him. You opened the kit and started rummaging through, pulling out ace bandages and gauze. You picked up three different bottles, each with a difficult medical name plastered on the side. “One of these has to sterilize…”

Bucky chuckled and reached over, grabbing a completely different bottle from the kit and a cotton swab. He poured some on the swab and began to clean his wound.

You sighed, “I’m sorry I’ve never done this before.”

He shot you a smile, and you watched as he patched himself up and wrapped bandages around him as he was finished.

“Where did you learn to do that?” you asked him.

“Army.”

“Oh, that’s right…”

He nodded. “I wasn’t a medic, but as a soldier, I learned some basics on how to treat myself in case the medic went down and we wouldn’t have access to medical assistance for a while.”

“That must be very useful.”

He looked up at you, “It Is; especially when you have to be on the run.”

You stared into his eyes. He looked away and rummaged at his side. He placed a knife into your hands.

You raised an eyebrow at him, “Thank you?”

He smirked, “I want you to keep it.”

You looked up at him in surprise, “You’re giving this to me?”

He nodded and you looked down and studied the blade. It was shining silver, and there was an intricate twisting pattern on the handle. “Aw,” you smiled, “It’s the knife you tried to stab me with. How sentimental!”

You saw his shoulders jerk in a quiet laugh. His smile faded, “I want you to be able to defend yourself. …If something happens to me.”

Your hands dropped into your lap as you looked up at him. He looked down at the blade, sadness in his eyes. “Hey,” you said and reached your hand over and placed it on his knee. His eyes followed. “Nothing is going to happen to you.”

He looked up at you, deep into your eyes. “If it does, you need to be ready to put me down.”

“It won’t.” You reassured him.

He sighed, and you looked down at the blade, then over your own body, “I have nowhere to put this…”

Bucky grabbed the knife from you and put it into his mouth. You watched him as he fiddled with the holster on his thigh. He pulled it off and stood up. He grabbed your hand and pulled you up so you were standing.

He kneels down in front of you and his hands are on either side of your right thigh, wrapping the holster around you. His flesh hand placed firmly against the back of your thigh as he pulled the straps with his metal hand. You could feel your skin heat up under his touch.

He drops his metal hand to his side, while his other one slides slowly down the back of your leg, leaving a trail of flames behind it, until it too, dropped to his side. Your whole body felt hot as his eyes tilted up to meet yours. He takes the blade from his mouth and slides it into place, fingers grazing your side.

“Promise me you will always carry it.”

You nodded, “I will.”

He stood up in front of you, and looked down into your eyes, his body still so close to yours. “Promise me, doll?”

“I promise.”

You stood, looking at each other in silence; the only sound is both of you breathing and the pounding in your ears. Bucky leaned forward.

“Y/N!”

Both of your heads snap over to the training room door. Steve waves at you, “Do you mind helping me in the kitchen?”

You raised a hand, “Sure, Steve!” You looked back at Bucky and smiled, “I’ll catch you later.”

You turned and walked over to Steve; Bucky watched as the two of you headed up stairs.

 

                You and Steve were busy about the kitchen, trying to prepare dinner for everyone. Steve handed you something to add.

“This was Bucky’s favorite meal when we were kids. He used to ask for it all the time.” Steve said, sticking his head in a pot.

“Hopefully he likes it.” You say, “You sure are going to a lot of trouble for him.”

“He is worth it. No matter what I have been through, Bucky was always at my side.”

You smiled and nodded, “It must be wonderful having someone like that.”

Steve flashed a brilliant smile at you, “He’s my family.”

It made sense that Steve had asked you to help cook. You may be the only one with basic cooking skills. The majority of the people here were in the army or kept in some kind of facility until god knows when. You were the only one who seemed to grow up normally. Taking care of your mother and grandmother all the time also made you pretty skilled in the kitchen.

“Wish I had one of those…”

“You do.” Steve said, and you looked at him, he was giving you an intent look. You gave him a soft smile.

 

 

You were sitting at dinner with everyone. Wanda was next to you, her hand curled around yours.

Everyone was eating and chatting happily, and every once in a while Wanda would lean over and whisper pretty things into your ear. You would give her a smile.

Steve noticed that Bucky wasn’t eating. “Everything okay, Buck? You haven’t touched your food.”

“No appetite.” He said, looking over at you and Wanda.

You suddenly felt guilty, “I’m sorry, is it not right? I tried to follow what Steve gave me…”

Bucky’s eyes shot over to you, “You made this?”

You nodded, “He said it was your favorite when you were a kid. He wanted to do something special for you to welcome you home. He asked for my help…”

Bucky looked down at his food, and snatched a fork, scooping the meal up and shoveling it into his mouth.

You couldn’t smile as he continued to eat the entire meal; the rest of the night went on as normal. After cleaning up dinner, you started to head to your room.

“Y/N.”

You turned to see Bucky walking over to you, your name sounded so strange on his lips. You had realized it was the first time he used it.

“Y/N!” Wanda called from the hallway. You smiled and waved to her before turning back to Bucky.

“What’s up?”

You noticed he had stopped moving towards you, and his eyes kept shifting over to the hallway where Wanda was waiting. Finally he looked at you, “Thanks for the meal, doll. It was great.”

You smiled, “Yeah? You liked it?”

He nodded, “I’d like it if you would make it again for me sometime.”

Your body heated up again. You really needed to get that checked out. You smiled at him, “Of course. I’d be happy too.”

“Y/N!” Wanda called for you again and you turned back to Bucky.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” you said and turned, walking away from him down to your room.

Wanda smiled and welcomed you into bed. She curled up to you as you climbed in and wrapped herself around you. Her lips went to your ear, “I want to do so many things to you tonight, my love.”

“I don’t know, Wan, I don’t think I am feeling too good today. I keep getting hot flashes or something.”

She pulled away from you, “Are you sick?” she asked, worried.

You shook your head, “I don’t think so, maybe it’s just all that travel and workout today. I think a good sleep is really all I need.”

She nodded and leaned over and captured your lips. You expected to feel your body catch fire once more, but Wanda’s touch was only luke warm. You snuggled into her comforting warmth and let yourself drift to sleep.

 

 


	7. Burn

Days pass normally, and you were getting used to training with Bucky while Natasha was away. You really enjoyed training with him because he didn’t go lightly on you. He let you use your power, because he wasn’t afraid of you, or the advantage it gave you. You weren’t afraid of him either.

Eventually you could go after him without hesitating. Almost all of your sessions ended the same way – covered in sweat, and one of you being injured in some way. Which was fun, and you had learned some basic first aid from him, which you thought was pretty neat.

Today you didn’t have a session with him; but instead you were in the training room with Wanda. She was using her power to toss things in the air and you would stop them midair. She would try to push with her mind and you would have to use your own force to stop it from hitting the ground. When the door to the training room slammed you became distracted and the training blocks fell to the floor.

Bucky had come into the room and caught your eye. More recently, you noticed he would come down to train by himself while you were down here with Wanda. “Y/N!”

You looked over at her and smiled, “Sorry Wan.”

She nodded, “You have to stay focused. You have to be prepared for the real world.”

You nodded as she tossed more of the weighted training blocks into the air and you had to work to stop them. She was so powerful, and you strained against her to keep the blocks lifted.

Bucky walked down towards where there was a body bag hanging from the ceiling. He pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it to the side, and threw a few punches into the bag. Every so often his eyes would drift over to where you were training. Whenever Wanda would tell you that she was trying to train you for the real world it made him irritated.

He watched as you struggled against the Scarlet Witch’s manipulation. He could see the sweat bead down your cheek. He glanced over at the weapons rack with an idea.

You were focusing hard on pushing back on the force of the blocks. You were starting to break a sweat.

“Hey!”

Your head snapped over to Bucky whose arm lunged forward and three throwing knives came sailing at your face. You gasped and threw your hand up, causing their momentum to stop in midair just inches from you, as the blocks slammed into the floor.

You were breathing heavily, but your smile was wide.  You looked up at him, and he was smirking at you.

“What the hell do you think you are doing, Barnes?!” Wanda yelled, “You could have killed her!”

He looked over at her and sneered. “You aren’t training her right. How can you train her to be ready to be killed if you aren’t trying to kill her?”

“That doesn’t even make sense!” Wanda howled. “I swear, if you do anything that results in her getting hurt I will wipe you off the face of the planet. No one will even remember who you are.”

Bucky scoffed angrily. “Maybe that’s a good thing.”

“I bet it is.” She hissed.

“Will you stop!” you shouted.

Bucky looked over at you, upset, but then realized that you weren’t talking to him.

Wanda looked at you in shock.

“Bucky is right,” you said, gesturing to him, “I need to be ready for anything. I can’t be if you aren’t willing to throw everything at me.”

Wanda’s face went pale as her heart squeezed.

“And you can’t just threaten to end my friends because you don’t like how they do things, Wan, so please just stop.”

Her hands clenched into fists in her rage.

Bucky could feel the tension radiating off of the both of you and decided to go train further in the back, away from you, where he wouldn’t be so much trouble for you. Still, he could not keep the smile off of his face, as he thought of how you stood up for him to Wanda. It felt really good.

“I can’t believe you would take his side?” she asked you.

“Look,” you sighed “I understand. If someone threw knives at you, I’d be pretty pissed too. But it’s just his way of helping.”

“You don’t need his help.”

“I enjoy it.” You said.

“I don’t want you to train with him anymore.”

“That’s not really your decision.” You said, “Natasha put him in charge of physical training for me while she was out.”

“Well you can train with Steve.”

“Stop trying to control everything.” You shouted, causing Wanda to shut up.

You could see tears welling in her eyes. You realized you had just had your first fight and rushed over to comfort her. You pulled her into an embrace, “I’m sorry.”

She cried into your shoulder, and you stroked her back. “I just want you to be safe.”

“I know…”

 

                You had managed to calm Wanda and reconcile. You were sitting down with her on the training mat, trying to practice projecting your thoughts to her. You stared at her, focusing on only her and her soul, and her mind.

She just stared at you blankly. You kept trying to think about telling her you loved her and you hope she felt better, but no matter what you did or how strong you tried to push your thoughts over to her, she would not hear you. Eventually you sighed in frustration.

“It’s just not going to work, Wan.”

She reached out and placed a hand on your knee. “Keep practicing, my love. Soon you can.”

You shook your head, “I think your mind, your powers; they just push me out. They protect you, even if you don’t know it.”

“I wish I could let you in.” She said, rubbing your knee. She then stood up. “I’m exhausted. I am going to go ahead upstairs and grab a bite. I’ll see you later?”

You nodded, and she walked up out of the room; you watched her go. Normally she would ask you to come with her. Your training with her has never worn her out before, and you knew she wasn’t exhausted because of the training. She was exhausted because of the fight. She was emotionally worn, and you would not be surprised if you found her curled up in bed.

You sighed and looked down at the ground.

“Something wrong?”

You jumped, looking up at Bucky. “I forgot you were here.”

He sat down in front of you cross-legged. “I didn’t mean to make you fight with her.”

“I know.” You said and tried to offer a smile, “its okay. You were right.”

Half of his mouth went up into a lopsided smile. He stared at you for a moment and then cleared his throat. “So, why are you looking so down, doll?”

You sighed, “I just don’t think I can get this thought projection thing down. I felt like maybe it was in my ability, but maybe I was wrong.”

“You aren’t. You did it before and you can do it again.” Bucky said quickly. You looked up at him in mild surprise.

You shrugged and looked at the ground, “I haven’t been able to…”

“Why don’t you try on me again?” he asked, which took you aback.

“I thought you didn’t like people in your head.”

“You’ve been there before. I didn’t mind.”

You shook your head, “I’m not even sure how I did. I think it was a fluke.”

He leaned close to you and placed a hand on your knee; his touch made your skin heat up. “I let you in.”

You could feel a shiver run up your spine as the words passed his lips and he looked deep into your eyes. You let out a shaky breath. He smirked and leaned back. “So, try it.”

You shook off the feeling, “Try not to let me in. I need some resistance…”

He nodded, and straightened his back, staring deep into you.

You brought your focus in; your eyes travelled his face as you tried to feel every part of his being. Your eyes studied the way his hair fell around his face, the way his full lips curved in a lopsided smile, how his eyes ran deep through all the years of his life. You focused on breathing him in, willing your body and mind to connect to him and make a passage. When you felt you were ready, you went to give it a try.

Except you couldn’t think of anything to say.

Your lips dropped open slightly, and Bucky’s eyes quickly darted down to your parted lips before meeting your gaze again. He wanted to ask if something was wrong but didn’t want to break your concentration. You worried you would lose the connection you thought you had made if you didn’t do something soon.

‘Hello? Can you hear me?’ you finally thought.

His eyebrows slowly rose; he looked down and smiled, almost laughing.

You let out a large sigh as you let go, hanging your head, “It’s hopeless.”

“No. You did it.”

Your head snapped up and Bucky was smiling at you. “You heard me?”

He nodded, and then ran his hand back through his hair, “It was a bit surprising. Usually when someone is in my head they aren’t polite enough to say Hello.”

You laughed, and couldn’t help smiling. “I can’t believe it!” you squealed, “I actually did it!” You lurched forward and wrapped your arms around him.

His body went rigid. You gasped as your body tensed up and set on fire. You yanked away from him before he had any time to react. “I’m sorry!” you blurt, and look down, blushing madly, “I just got really excited. It’s just so easy with you…”

He cleared his throat, “Probably because there isn’t much there to keep anyone out anymore…”

You looked up at him and he was looking at the ground. You felt sorrow for him. Hydra had forced themselves into his mind so many times he could barely protect himself. Suddenly you couldn’t help but feel like you had violated him.

You cleared your throat and stood up, desperate to get out of there. As if fate was on your side, that was when the door opened and Steve came through.

“Guys.” He called. You looked over at him and he nodded his head to follow him, going back out the door.

You exchanged a questioning look with Bucky before heading out to follow Steve.

 

                You sat at the table as Natasha explained what she had been doing while she was away. “I was able to track a Hydra group to a base not far from here on a barge. If my information is correct, then they are tracking the Phoenix.”

Her eyes glanced at Steve and they both exchanged a very serious look. “How do they know?”

“Hydra is very familiar about making people seem dead, when they aren’t.” her eyes flicked over to Bucky.

“So, we have to get in there, and take them out.” Bucky mentioned.

Natasha nodded, “I’m going to need a team. Any one of those agents catch a glimpse that we’re there, they are going to transfer all the data, and it will be lost to us. We have to get that data.”

“Wouldn’t going in after the data just reinforce the idea that they are right?” Wanda asked, earning nervous glances from Steve and Natasha.

“So don’t make it seem like you are there for the data.” You said quietly, earning everyone’s attention, which you didn’t actually call for, making you feel a little awkward.

“Be after Hydra.” You explain, looking up at them, “Take out everyone, even the barge, destroy the computers, the weapons, the agents; everything. They won’t know what you’re after if you take it all. For all they know we could just be taking a chuck out of Hydra.”

“How are we going to take out an entire barge?” Steve asked.

“Blow it up.” Natasha answered, on the same page as you.

“We can’t just blow up a barge with a bunch of people on it.” Steve chimed.

“You can’t just let them get closer to their goal.” Bucky added, “This is Hydra. Think of everything they have done.”

“Yeah.” Natasha added, “Still haven’t gotten back at them for firing a missile at us.”

Steve sighed, realizing he was the only one at the table who had qualms about killing anyone. “How are we going to blow the place? It’s not like we have Stark Tech like last time.”

“It’s a Hydra base, right?” you asked, “Hydra is entirely set up to be disposable. They will lose whatever they have to in order to keep going strong. My guess is there is a self-destruct on that base. We just have to trigger it.”

“It would probably be in the control room, located in the basement,” Natasha said, pointed to an area on the blue print she had brought out. “If I can get in I can set it off.”

“If this is going to work we are going to need a quick team to wipe out the base while she sets the destruct sequence. If they get any sort of wind we are there they will start to transfer the data to another location.” Bucky spoke, looking over the plans.

Steve sighed again. “Alright, Bucky, Y/N and I will go; we all split up when we get to the barge, we each clear a different section. Natasha, you head down to the control room and detonate that place.”

“What about me?” Wanda asked, a little confused why she wasn’t included.

“You’re power is a little distracting. We need quick and quiet.” Natasha explained, “If someone sees your mist then it might give it away. You aren’t much for physically fighting, and we need to be sneaky on this one.”

Wanda looked disappointed, and you reached over and squeezed your hand to let her know it was okay. She gave you a pouting look and turned, walking away towards her room, leaving you at a loss.

“Alright, let’s move.” Natasha said and rolled up the plans. You nodded and went to go change into your costume.

 

                You were crammed uncomfortably in the back of Steve’s old Beetle. Apparently no one thought the plan entirely through, with the lack of SHEILD or Stark jets, no one had a practical mode of transportation. Bucky and Steve both had bikes, and Natasha had a sleek two seater sports car. It eventually fell that you would end up in Steve’s Beetle, cramped together like sardines, because it was the only vehicle with at least four seats.

You end up shoved in the backseat with Bucky, who took up most of the space, his legs cramped up behind Nat’s seat. Natasha was in shot gun, directing Steve where to go. Bucky kept glancing over at you.

His eyes raked up your body over your costume; a dark blue spandex leotard, with a black circle with an X in the middle of the chest, with the negative space cut out, and thick black striped ran up each of your sides. This was worn with sheer black gloves that went up to your forearms and black knee high boots. You kept the thigh holster on that Bucky had given to you.

You felt very out of place. Cap had his star studded uniform, Natasha was in her black cat suit, and Bucky was fitted in full combat gear. Your costume, clearly made as part of a set for the X-men team was very revealing compared to what the Avengers wear. You made a mental note to ask Logan why the X-men uniforms were so ridiculous and showy, rather than simple and practical, like your team mates were.

“Do you have a name?” Bucky’s voice snapped you out of your daze.

“What do you mean?” you asked, entirely confused.

“Like Captain America, Black Widow, or Winter Soldier?” He asked you. You realized he had meant a code name.

“Oh. Not really.” You shrugged.

Natasha looked over her shoulder at the two of you, “We call her Force.”

You felt embarrassed at the name. It was a code name Natasha and Steve gave you while on a mission before, to not be blaring your name over your coms and send Hydra running after you. It stuck, and you weren’t sure how you felt.

“I think I’ll just stick with doll.” He said with a smirk.

Finally you pulled up at your destination. You equipped your coms and made sure the button worked to talk into it to your teammates. You each took a direction of the barge and went to work.

You would creep around the ship, and every time you would see someone, you would duck down and hide. You would focus, turn your hand out, and squeeze. You would watch the guard gasp and hold his throat before passing out eventually. You would lower them to the ground without a sound and move on.

You were making your way close to the middle, where you would rendezvous with the others when you heard shots. Your heart leaped into your throat, and suddenly Steve’s voice rang over the com.

“They know we are here. Widow, what’s your eta on the control room?”

Nat’s voice chimed through, “I’ve gotten a little held up.” You hear her nearly shout, and a few gun shots are heard on the far side of the barge.

“Widow, you have to get down there, we need to bomb this place. Now! Or they are going to transfer everything!”

You looked around the corner, and saw the stairwell that would lead to the basement and the control room. It was guarded by only two Hydra, who were talking into their coms. “I’ll do it.” You say into your com, “I see a way into the control room. Most of the guards have abandoned post, I’m going down.”

Steve voice rung out, “Do you even know what you are doing? It’s too dangerous.”

“I hacked into a high security bank and transferred ten thousand dollars into a secret account in a minute and a half. I can do this.” You say, moving towards the door quietly. You took note of the silence on the intercoms, “Did I not mention that before?”

“This isn’t a bank, this is Hydra.” Natasha’s voice said.

“I know,” you replied, “Give me five minutes. Ten tops.” You reach out and with a twist of your hands you snap the necks of both guards and they fall to the ground in a crumpled heap.

“Fine. Widow can walk you through if you need it. If you run into any trouble that she can’t get you through, you get your ass out of there; we scrap the mission.”

“No offence, Cap, but we are not scrapping this mission.” You told him as you lowered yourself down the steps into the basement. “The longer this fish floats the closer they get to the Phoenix. Just be ready to move on my word.”

“I’m coming to cover you.” Bucky’s voice cut through the com.

You followed the hallways slowly down into the darkness. It was far too silent down here, but above you could hear gunshots. You weren’t worried about the others, they could handle themselves. You were worried as to why, while under attack, Hydra would leave the path to their control room wide open.

You got your answer as a shot rang out behind you. You spun around and saw the body on the floor, blood pooling around his head. You looked up at Bucky, who had his gun raised. He lowered it and looked at you. You gave him a smile of appreciation. He nodded and walked over, you started to turn and his hand met the small of your back. “Let’s go. I’ve got your six.”

You nodded and the two of you walked towards the room. Finally you could see a set of doors with lights shining through. You slid against the wall and peeked into the window. You looked at Bucky and nodded, then held up your fingers to gesture that there were ten Hydra inside.

He nodded and motioned that he would clear left and you clear right. You nodded and pushed through the room.

The agents turned to you with their guns up and you swept your arm wide, yanking all of their guns from their grasps, clattering to the floor. You ran right and kicked a Hydra agent in the face, you turned as one charged you, you grabbed him and hurtled him over you with your force.

You ran over and ducked another, punching upwards to hit him in the jaw. Another was rounding around a desk to enclose you, but you jumped up on the desk and jumped on his shoulders, wrapping your legs around his neck to incapacitate him. Soon, the room was full of downed agents.

You took deep breaths, looking over at Bucky who nodded at you. You smiled and walked over to the main computer. “Control room secure. I’m going in.”

You started typing on the keys to access their code. Bucky watched as you accessed the system. His eyes raked over your body in your skin tight costume and settled on staring at your ass. He swallowed heavy and turned back to the door, holding up his gun and ready in case anyone was to come in. It was his job to keep you safe.

You were typing away at the computer, when a hand wrapped around your mouth and a cold metal object was pressed against your temple. You froze in fear. You did not even hear the man sneak up on you. He turned your body so you could watch as another Hydra agent you had previously incapacitated snuck up on Bucky as he was trying to keep watch. If you didn’t do something, they were going to kill him.

You thought about psychically yelling to him, but you were afraid if he turned, the man would shoot him. You had to do something fast, he was raising his gun higher.

You could hear your heart pounding in your ears as you turned your palms outward. You would have one shot, and hopefully the man holding you captive would decide not to fire. But you had to try. You had to try to save him.

You pushed with you mind and the man sneaking up on Bucky was flung forward onto the ground as if he tripped. Bucky spun around and shot the man in the head before turning to you.

“Move and she dies.” The man hissed, jamming the barrel into your temple to punctuate his actions.

“Put your weapon down.” Bucky ordered him, his voice strained.

“You fire, I fire.” The man replied, not backing down.

“That’s a bad idea,” Bucky said, already having his gun trained at the man’s head, “You know who I am.”

“Which is exactly why I am not going to put my gun down.”

You focused on Bucky. You tried to reach deep inside of him; and you called out.

‘Bucky’

His eyes flicked over to you, hearing your voice in his head. You raise your eyebrows, and looked down at your hands, and his eyes followed. You had them palms upward and you were focusing on the gun; particularly the bullet inside of the gun.

‘I can stop it…’

“Doll…” the words came out as only a whisper and the man’s arm clenched tighter around you, hurting badly.

_‘Please.’_

Bucky pressed his lips together as the color drained from his face. His eyes trained on the man as his finger grazed the trigger.

Bucky’s bullet whizzed through the air as the man pulled the trigger. You used all of your strength on pulling back the bullet that rushed towards your skull.

The man’s blood rained over your shoulder as the metal pierced his head; while the round screamed to a halt beside your temple. You could feel the heat from it burning your skin. You had stopped the bullet.

You were too afraid to move. You stared at Bucky who stood with his mouth open, heart pounding in his ears. He rushed over to you as you lowered your hands and the round clattered to the ground. You let out the breath that you had been holding as Bucky’s hand went to the back of your neck and he pulled you into a kiss.

Your eyes shot open as his arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you against him. Fire spread up your body. His fingers clenched at your waist, and he seemed to be unsatisfied that you had not kissed him back; he deepened the kiss.

Shivers wreaked havoc up your spine as your legs went weak. You pressed your lips back against his and closed your eyes. You wrapped your arms up around his neck as a fire spread into your chest.  

“What’s going on down there? Are you getting past the system?” Steve’s voice asked over the com.

Bucky pulled away and turned away from you, walking back towards the door, “Almost there. We had a situation. We’re clear now.”

You turned and pushed the moment out of your head, putting it off to adrenaline. You began typing furiously before you finally set the system.  You turned to Bucky who was looking over at you and you made an explosion motion with your hands, “Kaboom.”

He turned away from you and pressed his com, “It’s done. Move.” He commanded before flashing you a look “Let’s go.”

You nodded and followed him back out of the control room. You ran behind him through the winding hallways making your way to the stairwell. Your face was flush and your heart was pounding in your ears. Bucky took the steps two at a time, once he got near the top, you could hear him firing his gun.

You popped out of the doorway, his back was to you, gun held tight to his shoulder as rounds clattered to the ground around him. You saw a few Hydra agents running to jump off the side of the barge, and you reached out to grab them, yanking them back in before Bucky put them down.

You felt a pang inside of you for causing so much death, but you forced yourself to remember what you all agreed to about this mission. There were to be no survivors. You couldn’t risk Hydra finding out Fury wasn’t really dead. The Phoenix rose again and Cap wanted to keep it that way. You were inclined to follow him.

Natasha’s voice creaked on your com, “Where are you two? What’s the time on the blast?”

You did the math in your head and looked over at Bucky, “We have to go. NOW.”

Bucky’s eyes snapped at you and he suddenly run at you. He grabbed your hand and started running towards the closest edge of the barge.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you shouted as he jumped of the side, pulling you with him, just as the inside of the base burst. The explosion propelled you far out into the water and you had lost Bucky’s grip on your hand. You crashed into the water.

You popped your head up above the surface. You saw the entire barge blown to bits and flaming. You were breathing heavily and you looked around. You couldn’t see Bucky anywhere. You heard a whistle. You looked over where Bucky and the others sat by the Bug, hidden away in an alley. You sighed and swam over to them.

Steve helped you out of the water; he wrapped an arm around you and patted you on the back. “You did good, Force.” He smiled at you brightly, “You did good.”

You smiled at him. Nat gave you a smirk and patted your shoulder as she moved to open the door, Bucky climbed into the back without a word.

That’s when Steve noticed your face. “What is this?” he asked, brushing his fingers against the burn mark on your temple. You hissed at the pain.

“Easy, dude.” You said, “That’s still a little tender.”

Steve gave you a look with a brow raised.

You waved him off “It’s nothing. I got hit.”

Steve was very unsure of you, but went around to the driver’s side of the car and got in. You sighed, relieved that you didn’t have to worry him. You moved to get in the car, but startled when you looked up and Natasha was staring at you.

“That’s not from getting hit.”

Your fingers went to the tender burn on your head, angry and raised; still bright pink from the layers of skin that burned away.

“You stopped a bullet?”

You nodded, not looking at her, wondering if she was going to yell at you for not being careful.

“Nice.” She said in an upwards tone. You looked up at her in disbelief. She nodded upwards at you, “That’s probably going to scar.”

You nodded with a sigh, “Just my luck.”

She smirked and moved so you could get into the back seat. You climbed into the car and headed home.

 

Wanda was waiting for you when you got home. She hugged you, even though you were still soaked. “I was worried. How did it go?”

“Great.” Steve chimed, “Y/N did really well.”

Wanda smiled at you and it melted your heart. Her eyes sparked as her fingers went up to your face. “What happened to your beautiful face?”

“Nah,” you shrugged her off, “I just got some new make up on. Battle wounds make beauty.”

She giggled at you and pressed her lips against yours. You smiled into it. She pulled away, and you couldn’t help but notice the lack of fire in your body and shivers up your spine.

Until Bucky walked right past you, and your hair stood on end. He went over to the elevator without a word to anyone.

“Hey, Buck, where are you going? It’s time to celebrate.” Steve shouted at him, heading over to the bar in the lounge.

“Shower.” He said under his breath, and stepped inside the elevator.

Your watched the doors close.

“You coming, Y/N?” Natasha asked you. ”It’s your big night.”

You looked at her and smiled, “I’ll be over in a few, I’m just going to go get dressed into something dry.” You said and waved Wanda over to the bar where you would catch up with her.

You made your way down the hallway towards your room, your heart buzzing in your ears.

‘I almost died.’ You thought to yourself. It had to be the adrenaline of what had happened. Everything would go back to normal now. You would just pretend that nothing happened. You were both just happy you were alive.

You walked into the room you shared with Wanda, deciding you weren’t going to think about it; it was an action of circumstance. You started peeling off your uniform from your skin and throwing on some comfortable clothes. You smelt like a lake. No wonder Bucky needed a shower. You were covered in sweat and lake slime.

After the night you had you couldn’t wait to pour yourself a big ass drink.

You went to go out the door and caught your reflection in the mirror. You looked over at yourself, walking up close for a look.

The raised, angry, burn that graced your lower temple would be a permanent fixture. You surprised yourself today, and for once, actually felt proud of what you have done. No one could tell you that you weren’t getting stronger. It was marked on your face for everyone to see; a constant reminder of the day you stopped a bullet.

A constant reminder of what happened that day.


	8. Cold

While you had thought everything would go back to normal after your mission, Bucky had a different plan. You soon figured out that he was avoiding you.

One morning you were standing with Steve in the kitchen, talking to him happily. Bucky came up next to you, and your hair stood on end. You could feel the heat radiating off of him and it made your body tingle. He leaned forward so his chest was brushing against your back and he grabbed a piece of fruit out of the bowl on the table.

“How’s it going, Buck?” Steve asked him with a smile.

“It’s alright...” he said quietly. You could feel his breath.

You looked over your shoulder at him, “What are you up to today?”

He ignored you, turning and walking away. You looked over at Steve, who seemed to be just as puzzled as you were.

“What’s going on with him?” Steve asked, “He has been acting strange ever since the mission.”

You shrugged, pushing images from your head, “No idea. You’re his best friend, shouldn’t you know?”

Steve gave you a disgruntled look. You sighed and walked away. You couldn’t blame him for needing space.

The next day you were training with Natasha, and things were getting pretty heavy. You were catching your breath when the door to the locker room slammed. You looked up at Bucky, who had stopped in his tracks, and was staring at you.

Natasha waved to him, “Hey, soldier, care to join?”

His eyes snapped over to meet Natasha. “No.” he said firmly, and started to move towards the door. Instead of walking straight over to the door, he made a B line, so he would pass close by you on the way. You could feel the tension radiating off of him. Once again, tingles ran up the back of your thighs.

You realized any time you were around him your body would react. The tension would come off of him in waves, making you very stressed, and your body tense. Eventually, he didn’t even need to be near you anymore for you to feel the tension in your body.

One night, you were sitting in the lounge, trying to watch some television. You felt a shiver up your spine, and your hair stood on end; then you noticed a presence behind you. You didn’t have to look to know it was Bucky. He leaned against the back of the couch, and his arms brushed against your neck, causing your legs to clench together. You were going to go insane with the amount of pressure you were under by his cold shoulder. You tried to break the ice.

“Do you want to sit down?” you asked him, noticing the shake in your voice.

He stood up and walked away. You let out a deep sigh. You were really tired of the game.

 

A few days later you were cooking dinner for everyone, because for once, everyone was home. Steve was helping and everyone was coming over to sit down. You notice Bucky was trying to duck out of the room. Your eyes cast down, letting him go as you sat down next to Wanda.

Steve wasn’t going to let him go so easily, “Buck, aren’t you going to come eat?” he called to him waving him over.

Bucky didn’t even look over at the table or slow down; simply saying “I don’t like that kind of food.” On his way out the door. Your hands clenched into fists.

“Something wrong, my love?” Wanda asked you, and you smiled at her, pushing the feeling away.

“Fine. Let’s eat.”

You enjoyed the meal with what was left of your friends.

Later that night, you climbed out of bed to go grab a bottle of water from the fridge. As you rounded into the kitchen, you heard someone there. You walked in and saw Bucky sitting in the dark at the table, eating the food you had made earlier.

 

You stared at him in total frustration. You couldn’t wrap your head around what he was doing. The way he moved; near you but then quickly away and never talking to you. It’s like he was trying to avoid you but be close to you at the same time. He was on your last nerve.

When you came out of your thoughts you noticed he had stopped eating, and his body was stiff. You knew that he knew you were here. You sighed and walked over to the fridge without a word. You grabbed a bottle of water out and slammed the door, walking back out the door.

You were halfway down the hall in a fit of frustration when you stopped dead in your tracks. You were sick to your stomach of him avoiding you. You were ready for it to be done. You just wanted your friend back. Your muscles were constantly stressed to a point, your body left tense and rusted, just begging you to relax. You were tired of feeling like this. You were tired of the tension. You were tired of the games. You decided you were going to go talk to him whether he liked it or not.

You turned and stormed back into the kitchen, ready to scream and shout and even punch him if it would help lower your stress; but by the time you got back into the kitchen, he had already disappeared, which only made you feel worse.

You walked back to your room and crawled into bed with Wanda, who wrapped her arm around you and started running her fingers down your back. Your muscles were so taunt that her touch stung like little pinpricks.

 

The next morning you were excited that you had managed to set up time to train with Natasha. After you reached a new boiling point last night you really wanted to punch something. Anything. Even if it wasn’t Bucky’s stupid face.

You had changed into your training clothes and were waiting on the mat in the training room. Natasha walked up to you and handed you a long thin piece of cloth.

“What is this?” you asked, passing it back and forth in your hands.

“It’s a blindfold. We are doing something new today.” Natasha explained, “You rely heavily on your sight. Even your powers are limited to you being able to see what’s around you. If you want to be a good fighter you have to be able to know what’s going on even if you can’t see.”

“I’m not an assassin, Nat.” You explain, finding the idea ludicrous.

“Wanda wants to start working on using your powers even if you can’t see the person you’re attacking. You have to feel them. We are going to start with physical training so it might be easier to transition to using your power without seeing what you are doing.”

You had to admit, the idea of trying to push or manipulate anything without seeing it terrified you. You wouldn’t know what you were doing. If you were captured, hands tied and blind folded, you wouldn’t know what you would do to escape, even if you could just twitch your hands and break necks. You had to know where the necks were.

Nat motioned to the blindfold, “Put that on, I’m going to grab something.” She said and started walking towards the locker room, “And don’t look, I don’t want you to see me coming. Kind of the point.”

You blinded yourself and tried to focus on your breathing. Deep breaths, in and out. Losing your sight seemed to stress you out even more. You were listening around for any kind of noise that would mean Natasha was coming for you, but you didn’t hear anything at all. You were dying to let loose, and you were starting to get very frustrated after several minutes.

Then you felt a whoosh of air and something heavy coming at you. You gasped as the fist hit you and you flew back. You felt the vibrations on the floor and heard the movement of her running up to you, and you braced yourself. You heard the whoosh and were able to throw a hand up to block the hit. You blocked another one and shoved forward, throwing her back. With every hit you took or gave, with every contact you made with her, the tension in your body released little by little.

You heard her run up again, which set off a red flag in your head, but you pushed it aside as you ducked, missing a kick that whizzed past your braid. You threw a hit upwards, and your fist was caught. Another red flag, and soon the hand released your fist and struck you hard in the chest, knocking the wind out of you. Your back hit the wall behind you and a spasm shook through your body in a wave that was both painful and pleasurable.

Two hands slammed on either side of your head against the wall. Your back involuntarily arched upwards towards her. That’s when you notice her stature. Suddenly she was much bigger, and wider. A familiar sensation of fire spread through your core, as you figured out exactly who it was you were sparring with.

You reached up and pulled off the blindfold, meeting Bucky’s eyes for the first time in a week. He was breathing heavily, but you were sure he wouldn’t be tried yet. He was looking at you, and his icy eyes burned.

The locker room door clamored shut as Nat walked back in. You didn’t draw your eyes away from him, but you heard her speaking. “Oh, you started already.”

Bucky’s hands clenched into fists near your head and he tore away from you, walking straight out the door. Your eyes followed him wondering when the next time he would even look at you was. The idea he couldn’t even look at you made you feel disgusting. “I think I’m done Nat.” you said to her, and walked out without a reply.

 

You stood in front of the shower, clothes thrown aside and hair let down, and turned on the cold water. You walked in slowly, letting the water pound on your skin. The cold water stings your muscles as it cascades down on you. You try to ignore your body, and the fire in your stomach that didn’t seem to go away as you washed yourself.

You were getting physically sick of whatever it was he was doing. You were so pent up that everything hurt. You were beyond stressed, and even being around your girl wasn’t helping you relax. She could barely touch you without your body feeling sore. As if your body was telling you something, your core throbbed. You needed to relax. You needed to release all of the tension building up, and your body was begging you to do it.

You felt awkward at first as you slid your hand down your body. The cool water on your hot skin made your fingers glide. You started rubbing your thighs, which hurt at first. You hesitated at the pain.

You were almost in tears you were so frustrated. Everything hurt you and you couldn’t even touch yourself to relax. You recalled the way Bucky threw you against the wall, which caused your pussy to clench. You muscles went taunt, and the familiar wave of pain and pleasure reached through.

You moved your hand inwards and brushed your fingers against your clit. Your legs reacted by shaking and you moaned. You pressed your back against the shower wall and started rotating your fingers over your sweet spot. Waves of pleasure crashed down upon you with each movement.

You shifted quickly, trying to continue to play with your clit with your thumb while sliding a finger inside of you. Your walls clenched around it, it so tight you could feel every groove. You slid your finger in and out of you, slowly at first, as your walls pulsed around you. You quickly gave up on giving attention to your clit as the position you were in was too awkward, and losing it made you able to angle your hand and thrust deeper inside of yourself.

Soon your hips were thrusting into your hand as you could feel the cool water soothing your muscles, finally able to let go. You added another finger, stretching your walls around yourself as you thrust in dire need.

Your body trembled at the sensation, but you couldn’t quite reach the spot you needed for release. You decided to move back up to your clit, keeping two fingers inside your slick wet pussy, curling them against your front wall as your thumb played circles.

You moaned loudly at your touches, and you pressed down harder, whipping around frantically. Your fingers moved in usion as you felt the pressure building up deep inside your core. You moaned again. You thrust your fingers in in one grand movement and struck your nerve.

You screamed as your body convulsed and your walls clenched around your fingers, sending a spurt of cum all over your hand. Your vision went blurry as you rode your orgasm. Gasping and moaning until you stopped cumming.

You collapsed to the floor in a pleasured heap.

 

You managed to get out of the shower after re-cleaning yourself and you went into your room and threw on some comfortable clothes. Finally your body felt completely loose and relaxed. You were mushy, and you would probably melt into anything right about now.

You suddenly felt embarrassed. Wanda had been trying to touch you for weeks but you flinched at her fingers. You were more so embarrassed that the fact that Bucky giving you the cold shoulder made you so stressed that you needed to orgasm just to relax.

You suddenly felt very confined and you rushed out of the room without bothering to fix your hair, or put on a jacket. You needed air. Badly. On your way to the door, you heard Wanda giggling in the lounge. Your heart retched for her, and you felt a wave of guilt. You grabbed the door handle and threw the door open, rushing outside.

 

You walked around for a long time, sometimes going around a block more than once, just to clear your head. You didn’t even know what was going on in your life anymore. You walked by an electronics store window and froze.

There were several televisions in the window, but they all had the same thing on them. A painfully familiar face on the news with scrolling captions, as a reporter narrated the situation. A gut retching sob broke from your throat.

Charles Xavier Found Dead

The words beneath his picture ripped a hole in your heart. Tears spilled freely down your cheeks as you sobbed. The inhuman noises coming from your mouth echoed into the night.

Several minutes passed by as you hung on every word of the report. Your cries had died down, as the spoke about the funeral proceedings. Your body shook from the weakness you felt from crying and from the cold.

Firm hands placed a jacket onto your shoulders. Your eyes snapped up to see Bucky standing out in the cold with you on the dark street. Even after what you just saw, he still managed to surprise you.

“What are you doing here?” your voice broke.

He stared at you intently, “You looked cold.”

His words frustrated you. The first words he speaks to you in over a week and its you looked cold. You were too emotionally exhausted to fight with him right now. You were actually cold, as the night air nipped at your damp skin. So you pulled the jacket on over your shoulders, sliding your arms through. One slid into the warm sleeve, where the other went straight out an open hole.

You stared down at your left arm, completely bare as the other sleeve had been ripped off. Your eyebrows furrowed together as you gave Bucky a look, “What the fuck is the point of that?”

Bucky didn’t seemed phased by you. He stood with his hands in his pockets, watching you, his eyes showed a reflection of sadness. “Why are you crying?”

Your lips trembled, and you felt tears rush to your eyes again. You couldn’t even bare to say the words. You stepped aside so Bucky could walk up and look at the screen. “That’s the man who fixed me…”

A sob ripped from your throat. “He’s my family. He’s the reason I’m here right now and not in a jail cell.”

Bucky turned from the TV to you. The way your shoulders shook and your eyes welled with tears made his heart hurt. “Please stop crying.”

You shook your head, letting him know there was no way you could possibly stop, as another cry escaped your lips. You tried to wipe away your tears and the snot that started to drip from your nose with the sleeve of his jacket. Bucky didn’t seem to mind. He just didn’t want you to cry any more. He couldn’t stand it.

He grabbed you and pulled you into his arms, your head collapsed onto his chest. You were able to briefly register the warmth and comfort you felt before his hand pulled your chin up and his lips pressed against yours.

Your eyes widen at his motion, but you didn’t have the energy to push him away. He was so comforting right now; you closed your eyes and melted into him. Your body ached with a familiar need. His free arm held you close to him, rubbing your skin in a comforting manner.

The light in your head went off and you pulled away from him, “What are you doing?” you shouted at him, throwing your arms out, “What is going on, Bucky? Are we going to talk about this? I can’t stand you ignoring me!”

Bucky let out a deep sigh as he looked away from you. When his eyes finally met yours, you could not read them. “Do you want to get a drink?”

You were dumbfounded, “What?”

Bucky nodded his head across the street. Your eyes followed to a hole in the wall bar on the other side of the walk. You gave Bucky a look, and he shrugged. He started walking away from you without another word. Your jaw dropped open. Was he really doing this right now? The ball of frustration that you had become familiar with in the past week struck up. You let out an aggravated groan and followed him across the street.

 

When you walked inside Bucky was already at the bar. The bartender handed him two glasses and he turned, catching your eye. He walked over to you and motioned to follow him. You walked over to a dark booth in the far corner and slid into the seat across from him. He set the glass down in front of you and you could smell the vodka coming off of it.

Bucky sat down and took a long drink from his glass. You sighed, picking up the glass and throwing caution to the wind. You needed it right now. You sat across from him, eyes glancing up at each other in awkward silence for several minutes. Finally, Bucky spoke to you.

“I know it was wrong…” he said quietly. Your ears perked up and you looked up at him. His face was saddened, “I wasn’t okay with it. I tried to stay away from you, but I couldn’t.”

“Why’d you do it, Buck?” you asked him softly.

 “I can’t really say.” he sighed, and ran a hand through his hair, “There’s something different about you. I mean, there’s this beautiful girl who puts her neck on the line for someone she doesn’t even know; and for no reason. Just to help me... There is something special about a girl like that. When that guy tried to shoot you, the idea of you dying… I just couldn’t go on living if I didn’t kiss you, doll. If it was the last thing I do, I needed to.”

Your cheeks flushed as you felt a rush of heat. Before you could think about it, you blurted, “Do you love me?”

Bucky looked up at you and smiled at the embarrassed look on your face. “I don’t know yet. I’ve only kissed you twice… I hear it’s hard to tell the difference sometimes.”

A smiled tugged at your lips. You sighed and looked up at him. “So, are you jealous of Wanda then?”

“I don’t think so.” He replied.

“Then what?” you asked. Bucky didn’t answer; he just took a long drink out of his glass. You sighed and followed suit. Soon you were feeling really good. The vodka had worked up a nice buzz rather quickly.

You had come to the conclusion that Bucky really didn’t understand how he felt, and frankly, neither did you.  You couldn’t deny that kissing him felt really good. But you weren’t entirely sure it felt right. You knew for a fact that it wasn’t morally right. Once you both finished your drinks you sighed.

“We should get going.” You say, and make a gesture to leave.

“Please stay.” Bucky said quickly. Your eyes darted up to meet his. “I enjoy talking to you… Stay.”

Your eyes softened. You had missed talking to him too. And maybe it was the fact you weren’t really ready to go out and face reality yet, or because you didn’t really know how you felt either. But either way, you made yourself comfortable and ordered two more drinks.

 

A few hours later and you were crying again. You were laughing so hard with Bucky that your stomach hurt. He was telling you about a time when he was younger, with Steve and how he made him ride a ride and Steve ended up losing his lunch.

“Oh, God,” he breathed, wiping away a tear, “We should all go out sometime. I think he would enjoy drinking together.”

You smiled, “Steve is such a great guy.” You say, “He’s like…. the Logan of the Avengers.”

Bucky gave you a look of utter confusion. “Logan?”

You nodded slowly, your drunken head bobbing up and down, “Logan is my best friend…” you say, and then add in a whisper, “He’s such a dick.”

Bucky laughed, “Then how is he like Steve?”

You shook your head, “I have no idea.”

“Man,” Bucky sighed, running a hand through his hair, “Logan. Why does that name sound familiar?”

“Maybe you knew him?” you suggested, taking a drink from your glass.

Bucky shook his head, “I don’t think so.”

You shrugged, “Steve knew him.  They fought in the war together.”

A light went off inside of Bucky’s head, “Logan. Yeah, that sounds familiar…” he trailed off and dug into his pants pocket. He leaned over and grabbed a napkin off the table. He pulled a pen from his pocket and started jotting something down.

Your brows furrowed together and you leaned forward over the table to try to see, “What are you doing?”

“When I remember things, I like to write them down,” he explains, still scratching on the thin paper, “I started after I escaped from HYDRA. Memories would come to me every once in a while and I started writing them down to sort through them. I tried to keep track of all of my memoires.” He finished writing and shoved the napkin into his pocket with the pen and looked up at you, “I even write down everything that happens to me now. In case they find me and wipe my memoires again.”

You sighed and ran your hand through your hair. Bucky watches your hand run through your hair and smiles at you. He leans over onto the table suddenly, and reaches out, running his fingers through your hair slowly. You could feel heat run up your body.

“You should wear your hair down more…” he said, “I really like it.”

Your face flushed pink. He sat back down into his seat as a woman walked over. She set a paper down on the table. “We’re about to close, if you could cash out.” You nodded and you and Bucky empty your pockets onto the table.

You scoot out of the booth and walk over to his side. He looks up at you as you smile and hold out a hand. “Let’s go home.”

He glanced at your hand and smirked. He reached up and his cold metal hand wrapped around yours. He slid out of the booth and you both walked out of the door to head home.

As you shuffled drunkenly down the street, you failed to realize that you never let go of Bucky’s hand, until he dropped yours. You looked down, surprised.

“I’m sorry.” You said quickly. But Bucky had moved behind you. Your head turned as you tried to follow his movements as he switched to your other side. Suddenly his warm flesh hand slid into yours and entwined fingers. You blushed, and then smiled.

 “That’s better, my arm was cold…” you say quietly. He smirked down at you, and his hand tugged you closer, so that your bare arm was brushing against him, enveloped in warmth. You sighed in content.

As you reached the Cap Base, you headed towards the door, but Bucky stopped in his tracks. He was still holding onto your hand, so when he stopped, you stumbled backwards into him. You whirled around and looked up at him with an eyebrow raised on your tired face. He was hesitant.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

 “If we go in there, everything will go back to the way it was…” he said quietly, his voice strained.

Your face fell slowly as you had to come back down from your drunken state. You had someone in there waiting for you. You wondered if going out with Bucky made him think there was more there than there was. You let out a breath, filled with sadness. You took a step back from him and let go of his hand. “It was never any different.”

The look of disappointment that crossed his face struck your heart. You turned away from him and walked into the building. You felt terrible. You were having such a good time only a bit ago, and now all the sadness was back. The feelings you had to shut down for Bucky the way yours were shut down. The death of the Professor. The secret you were keeping from Wanda.

You walked down the hall and looked into her room. She was curled up on her side of the bed. Her soft face was gorgeous, even when she slept peacefully. If she found out what you had done, it would break her heart.

‘And then she would break mine,’ you thought, ‘literally.’

She had left your space open for you to climb into bed with her whenever you got home, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You couldn’t betray her and then lay next to her like nothing was wrong. You walked down the hall further until you reached the room you had been leaving unoccupied for the last year. You pushed the door open. The room reeked of loneliness.

You walked in, closing the door behind you, and moved over to the bed. You collapsed onto it and started to weep. You curled up around yourself. As you breathed deep into your tears, Bucky’s sent drifted up off of his jacket.

 

Bucky sat down outside in the cold air, refusing to go inside. His muscles tightened in his discomfort. For a fleeting moment, he had forgotten about all the bad things in his life. He was just enjoying his time with you. And for a moment, it felt like you were his.

His mind began to wander as he sat on the steps all alone. He is usually able to push all the dark thoughts from his mind about his past out of his head. He hadn’t had any terrible memories pop up the entire night he spent with you. But now you’re gone, and all the horrors filled easily into his drunken mind.


	9. Darkness

The sun on your face woke you. You groaned and rolled over on the bed, realizing that you never even used a pillow or crawled under the covers. You grabbed the clock on your bedside table and squinted at it. You groaned. You were very late to wake up.

As if on cue, you could hear voices drifting down from the hallway. You got up out of bed and walked over to your dresser. You didn’t have a vanity, like Wanda, but you still had a small mirror. You ran a brush through your disheveled hair; which air dried and then you slept on, so it was particularly crazy.

You looked down. You were still wearing Bucky’s jacket. Your heart strained. You brought up your hands and unzipped it, walking over to your closet and hanging it inside. You would have to remember to give it back to him later. You grabbed a cute dress out of the closet and put it on. You walked over to the mirror and grabbed a hair tie. Your eyes flicked over at your reflection, and you ran your fingers absentmindedly through your hair. You slowly put the tie back down, deciding not to put your hair up.

You walked out of your room, and down into the lounge. Wanda and Natasha were sitting on the couch talking, and your eyes flicked over to the bar, where Bucky was standing and talking with Cap.

‘Good.’ You thought, ‘At least he didn’t stay outside all night.’

A frown crossed your face when you realized they were in full costume. You started to walk over to them, when Wanda caught your side. “You didn’t come to bed last night.”

You tried your best to plaster a smile over your guilt, “I got in really late last night and didn’t want to wake you.” You say, and quickly added, “You’re just too cute when you sleep.”

“Don’t do it again. Just come in. I was worried when I woke up and you weren’t there.” She smiled and kissed your cheek, and headed back over to Nat.

You walked up to Cap. “Where are you guys headed?”

They both looked at you, a smiled tugged at Bucky’s lips. “We’ve been called out on a mission.” Cap explained, “Pretty simple. We should only be gone a few hours.”

You nodded. Your eyes kept jumping over to Bucky’s bare arms. You thought he would probably get cold, but you didn’t know how to offer his jacket back to him without getting questions from Wanda that you weren’t sure you wanted to answer. You offered him a smile instead, “Be safe.”

Cap smiled, “Thanks, Y/N.” he said and headed towards the door.

Your eyes went up to Bucky, who was smiling down at you. His eyes flicked over to Wanda, who seemed to be preoccupied, because he reached out and brushed your hair away from the scar on your face. He turned and walked away from you without another word.

You suddenly felt your heart clench as you watched him go. ‘Please be careful.’ You thought, and he smiled at you over his shoulder.

“I will.” He said and his smile faltered, “Give my respects today.”

You looked at the floor solemnly and nodded, and you heard the door open and close. You would be heading down to Charles’ funeral today. You were not ready at all, to either face his death, or to see some of the people to left behind. You were excited to see Logan, even though it was under terrible circumstances.

You turned and walked over towards Wanda, and joined her on the couch. She smiled and wrapped an arm around you. “Good Morning, my love.” She said with a smile. Her eyes lit up when you didn’t pull away from her, “Are you feeling better?”

You smiled and nodded, “Physically? Yes. Emotionally…”

“I’m sorry to hear about your friend.” Natasha said to you.

“Thank you.” You nodded.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Wanda asked.

You shook your head, “No. I really just need to go alone.” You said, “How did you hear about Charles?”

“It was on the news. We know you were close to him.” She explained.

“Do you need a ride out there?”  Natasha offered.

“No thanks. I think I’m going to see if I can take Steve’s car.” You explained. You had heard the boys’ bikes fire up outside when they left, so you knew the beetle was being left unused.

Wanda curled up to you and pressed her lips to your ear. “Do you want to do anything before you go to make you feel better?”

Natasha got the hint and got up and walked out.

You turned to Wanda and forced a smile. You wanted to feel released like you did yesterday. You knew that wouldn’t happen, after the week of build up; but you had discovered something you like sexually, and you wanted to share it with her. But you were afraid of how she would react. “I was thinking about trying something.”

Her eyes lit up, excited that you wanted to explore sexually. “What is it?”

You hesitated, trying to find the words. “I… I was hoping we could try something more along the lines of… penetration?”

Her face faltered. “What?”

You sighed, “I mean, I feel like it would feel really good.” You tried to explain, “I know we play with each other, but I was hoping there could be something _more_.”

She leant back from you, “You mean like a dick?”

You quickly shook your head and raised your hands up, “No. No, baby, I don’t want anyone else.” You tried to explain, but your words were rushed, and Wanda could tell you were nervous. “I was just thinking we could … get toys?”

Her lips fell apart, “Are you not satisfied with me?”

You flushed, “No, Wan, I love you. You make me so happy.”

“Then what is this?” she asked, offended, “You don’t want me in you anymore? You need something else?”

“I just…” you sighed, “I feel like it might be something I need… at least to try.”

“You aren’t satisfied sexually anymore?” her words of disbelief made your stomach churn.

You couldn’t look at her. You knew she wouldn’t understand. Most people didn’t. She was taking it personally, just as you feared. You had hoped she would understand your need, and that you wanted to share it with her. You wanted to be honest with her, “I’m not sure.”

She jumped to her feet. “I can’t believe what I am hearing. First you don’t let me touch you for days, and then you tell me you need something different. Do you even want to be with me anymore?”

You cringed. You had been fighting more and more, recently, and there was a clear strain in your relationship. “I love you.” You offered to her.

“You are avoiding my question!” she yelled. Your stomach hurt, your heart dropped. You didn’t mean to avoid her question; you just wanted to let her know that you loved her. You opened your mouth to speak when she cut you off. “If you don’t know what you want anymore, Y/N, than maybe we should just not be together until you do.”

Her words shot through your heart, but she turned and stormed off before you could reply. Tears brimmed in your eyes. You were losing her. You knew it, and you had been feeling like it for weeks now. You hung your head into your hands and cried.

No one came for you. You cried alone, and your sobs echoed down the halls. Soon, you were just sniffling. You wiped your tears from your eyes. You had to make this day go from bad to worse, as you stood up and grabbed the keys to the beetle of the hook by the door. It was time for you to go to Charles’ funeral.

 

                You pulled up to the cemetery. You parked far away and walked over towards the group of people. You willed yourself to be silent as they were already speaking over Charles. Hank was giving a lovely speech. You stayed several yards away, not able to look at the body. Your eyes scanned the crowd. Your brows furrowed when you noticed the lack of Logan.

You saw Kurt standing near the edge. He was bawling. It made your stomach hurt and fills with butterflies all the same. You wanted to go to him and hold him. But you had had enough problems with romance recently and you decided it was best for you to stay away.

You remembered what you had seen on the TV. Charles Xavier wasn’t the only one who died. There was a list of mutants who were with him. You thought one name in particular was familiar but you couldn’t place it at the time. But after looking at Kurt’s face, you knew exactly who it was. It was Amanda. The love of his life had just died. Your hand went to your mouth as you cried for him.

You couldn’t bring yourself to get any closer. Everything was just so hard on you. You lent against a tree, shaking, and trying to stay out of sight. Last thing you wanted to do was to cause a scene. Last time most of these people saw you, you were making out with a teacher, who was crying over his girlfriend’s death. You didn’t want to be here much longer.

You spotted your old mentor near the front, waiting her turn to speak. It felt really good to see her. You never got to say goodbye. Her brilliant red hair stood out against her black clothes. You could see her trying to hold together her composure, but the tears in her eyes were clear.

You wanted to talk to her.

‘Jean?’ you thought out to her. Her head slowly tilted up. You didn’t have to try hard for her to hear you. She was as brilliant as the Professor. You knew that she could hear everyone. And being that you used to train with her on this, she easily picked you out. Her eyes found you.

‘Y/N.’ she thought. ‘It’s good to see you.’

‘I’m sorry about the Professor.’ You said to her. She kept her body trained forward; she could tell you didn’t want to be seen.

‘I am too, Y/N. I am glad you could make it.’

‘Me too.’ You thought with a small smile on your face, ‘Where is Logan?’

The mental sigh she gave you was strong, and you knew the answer before she told it to you. ‘He is looking for who did this.’

You nodded, ‘That sounds like Logan. How did he take it?’

‘He’s pissed.’

You smiled, looking at the ground. Her voice cut through to you.

‘How have you been?’

You looked over at her, drowning out Storm, who had started to speak. ‘I don’t even know anymore. There’s a part of me that wishes I could come back to school, and just forget everything that happened to me. Everything is so complicated now.’

‘You are always welcome back. You have become a brilliant student. I am very proud of you.’

‘Thank you.’ You thought to her, ‘I am too.’

Soon it was Jean’s turn, and she took the stand. You gave her your full attention as she started her speech about the Professor.

 

You ducked out of the funeral when they started to lower his body. You wanted to leave before everyone else. You were ready for the day to be over, and slightly regretted waking up.

The door of the beetle creaked as you shut it. You headed inside, glad to be home, but are greeted with a hollowed building. It was incredibly silent and empty. You were starting to think no one was home, when you walked into the lounge, and were startled by a figure looming over a drink at the bar, looking positively miserable.

“Bucky?” you asked him. His head popped up and he turned to you. There was a strained look on his face.

“Hey, Doll…”

His voice made your heart sink. “Where’s Steve? Is he okay?” your voice was panicked as you jumped to conclusions.

He waved to you, “Steve is fine. He is upstairs taking a shower.” He stood up and walked over to you in strides. He grabbed your shoulders and looked down at you. His face was touched with worry.

“What’s going on Bucky?”

He glanced up around, as if someone would come in any minute. “Come with me.” He said quietly, and took your hand, leading you down the hall towards your room. He pulled you inside, and you looked up at him, both worried and confused.

“What’s going on?” you asked again.

The sound of your worry made his heart twist. He didn’t want to worry you, but he didn’t know who else to go to. He turned to you slowly. “I think the walls are breaking.”

Your stomach dropped to the floor. “What are you talking about?” you asked. But you knew exactly what he was talking about. The walls around the Winter Soldier were weakening with the impact of Charles’ death.

Bucky walked over and took both of your hands in his, “I could feel it there. While we were out, I could feel the soldier calling to me.”

You shook your head; you didn’t want to believe it. “That can’t be right.”

“There is only one way to know.” He whispered. His eyes bore into your and your heart sunk. You knew what it was he wanted you to do.

“No, Bucky, I can’t.”

He shook your hands, “Please, Y/N. You know the words. If it’s gone, and I don’t know, I’m just inviting HYDRA into my mind. I have to know what kind of danger I’m putting everyone in.”

You were shaking your head back and forth, feeling the need to cry again. His hands cupped your cheeks, causing you to stop. He looked at you deeply. _“Please.”_

Your lips trembled, and you saw his eyes dart down to them. “Okay.” You said quietly. He let out a deep sigh, brushed your hair away from your face, and his lips pressed against the scar on your temple.

He pulled away from you, shaking just as much as you were. He sat down on the edge of your bed. You turned to him, and you stared at each other, unsure and unwilling. You stood for several minutes, until he prompted you again, and you tried to recall the words Charles spoke to activate him.

You never spoke another language before, so you were hoping even if the walls were breaking, you wouldn’t be able to activate him. You really didn’t want to deal with this. You wanted Bucky to be reassured that he was fine and everything was okay. You desperately wanted everything to be okay again.

You fumbled over the words and had to repeat yourself several times, while Bucky corrected your pronunciation, until you finally knew the words. His hands clenched together in his lap and his shouldered were tense.

The words tumbled from you in another language.

“Longing. Rusted. Furnace. DayBreak. Seventeen. Benign. Nine. Homecomming. One. Freight Car.”

Bucky’s shoulders shook with every word as he tried to hold onto himself. You walk over to him as he stands up, towering over you menacingly. Your hands shook. You could read his body language, and this was clearly not Bucky.

“Fuck.” You sighed, placing your hand on your face and rubbing your forehead. You hadn’t given an order, so it took you by surprise when he grabbed you and slammed you into the wall.

“Bucky!” you screamed, “Stop!”

His eyes were wild and cold and gone. You were afraid he was going to kill you, but in a strange turn, he bit painfully into your neck. You gasped as the blood pooled under his mouth. His hand started to dig into your skin around your neck as he ripped your dress from you.

You reached out to push him away, but his metal hand grabbed your wrists and pinned you to the wall, “Stop!” you begged him. “Bucky, you have to fight.”

He couldn’t hear you, and you were afraid. The Winter Soldier tore away your panties and he pressed against you. You cried out in fear. You hung your head down, unable to look at him as he fiddled with his belt.

You searched for Bucky, but you couldn’t find him. You pushed your thoughts into the Winter Solder, desperately trying to find him in there. ‘Bucky, please I need your help. I need you to stop him.’

The Winter Soldier froze, and you looked up at him, his eyes were wandering back and forth, as if he was trying to read something. His grip on your hands loosened, and you took the opportunity. You turned so your hands were facing him and you threw him away from you with everything you had.

He flew from you and out the door. His back crashed against the wall and he looked at you utterly pissed. He started to stand but you threw your arm over and slammed the door and locked it. You pushed your hands together and all of your furniture piled in front of the door to barricade it. The Winter Soldier pounded on the door, and you heard the wood try to splinter.

Your hands went to your face and over your mouth as tears fell down your face. What were you going to do? You couldn’t take him alone. Last time, Steve was there to help you.

“Steve…” you said quietly. He was upstairs. If he knew you needed help, he would come. He probably heard the commotion if he was out of the shower, because the walls were thin. But if he came down unprepared, without his shield, it may be a death trap. You had to reach out to him.

You could hear the door start to break and you climbed onto the bed. You were panicked, but you had to try. You sat down and concentrated, searching desperately for Steve. You had never gotten into anyone except Bucky or Jean. Who had very specific circumstances to why you were able to get into their heads so easily. You had also never pushed into someone that you could not visually see.

‘Don’t see.’ You remembered Natasha telling you. ‘You have to be able to feel them.’

You tried to ignore the door being blown to pieces as you pushed your mind past your room. You felt the strain on your mind as a sharp painful headache. The further you searched the sharper the pain became. Soon you were able to locate the other mind in the house. You tried to force yourself in, but the pain in your head was screaming.

You could hear the metal arm of the solider clawing through a hole in the door, pulling away the pieces. You pushed into Steve’s mind with all your might, as blood starting dripping from your nose steadily.

Your body shook, and your mind was piercing, but you finally felt his mind give, and you were inside.

‘STEVE!’ you screamed, ‘Please help me! It’s not Bucky!’

You tried to tell him more, but suddenly you were weak, and collapsed onto the bed as darkness consumed you. You could see the Winter Soldier’s face through the hole in the door as your vision went black.


	10. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for leaving all the great comments and kudos. It makes me feel really good that people enjoy my works and motivates me to keep going. I hope you enjoy where this chapter takes you.

The first thing that came back to you was your hearing. You could hear two familiar voices arguing far away from you. The next sense to return was feeling, and you wish it hadn’t. Your head pounded in your ears in a sharp pain, your face hurt and your body was sore. You weren’t sure you could move.

You could feel you were lying on a bed, wrapped in a sheet. It wasn’t your bed, you knew. It was too hard. As if there was plywood board under the mattress. Then, you could taste. Blood. You reached up and touched your face, feeling dried blood stuck to your upper lip. You groaned.

You opened your eyes. The bright light burned your eyes and you closed them again. You were not in your room. You recognized where you were though. You were in Steve’s room. You finally picked out one of the voices that were yelling down the hall. It was Steve, and he sounded furious.

Your heart hurt. He had heard you. If he hadn’t, you probably wouldn’t be here right now. When you heard Bucky’s voice you let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. ‘Good.’ You thought, ‘Steve didn’t kill him.’

When you heard the tone of his voice it made you want to cry. He sounded completely distraught. The sound of his voice made you open your eyes again. You pushed yourself up, even though your body ached and fought against you. The sheet fell from you, and you looked down. You were completely naked except your bra. Your body was covered in bruises. Your hands clenched the sheet. What had happened to you?

You found that Steve had placed one of his shirts and a pair of sleep pants on the end of the bed. You got up and pulled them on. You walked over to the door. When you opened it, the voices got louder. They were clearly arguing about you.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Bucky?” Steve was shouting. “I could have helped you. What you did was reckless. Letting yourself become the soldier with only Y/N around! You could have killed her.”

Bucky’s voice was broken and shaking, “I didn’t let myself become the soldier. And I wasn’t going to kill her.”

You walked down the hall and looked through the door. Bucky was sitting on the end of the bed, head in his hands. His shoulders were shaking as if he were in tears. Steve was in front of him, back to you, yelling.

“You had her speak the words, knowing you might be compromised. You let her do that. You asked her to do that; knowing what could happen. You made a stupid decision that could have cost both of you your lives. And if you weren’t going to kill her, what were you going to do to her? Why did I find her like that?!”

Your heart hurt, and you felt guilty. You were filled with sorrow for Bucky. “Please stop yelling at him.” Your voice was barely a whisper.

Steve turned to you as Bucky’s head shot up from his hands to look at you. He quickly looked away from you, unable to face what he did. Steve wasn’t having it.

“Look at her!” he shouted, gesturing to you as he turned back to Bucky, “Why does she look like that, Bucky?”

“I don’t know.” His strained voice said.

“What were you trying to do?”

Bucky looked up at Steve, “I don’t remember.”

You softened at his pain filled voice as you melded against the door frame. You could tell from just looking at him that he remembered exactly what he was trying to do to you. “Please leave him alone Steve.”

They both looked at you in disbelief. Bucky was bewildered as to why you were trying to stand up for him after what happened. “It was my fault too.” You explained. “I could have gotten you, too. I was the one who agreed. I spoke the words.” You pushed your hair away from your face, “Bucky wouldn’t have been able to do it on his own.”

“He went after you.” Steve said in desperation. Bucky was still staring at you, even though it hurt him to look at you. He was holding his breath.

“If he did it was because of me.” You said, pushing off the door and coming into the room. “The soldier works on orders, or anger, or danger. If he came for me it was because of something I did.”

Whether it was because he saw your point, or because he didn’t want to argue with you after what you had been through, Steve calmed down. “We can’t let this happen again.”

“It won’t.”  Bucky said, standing up. “I’m going back into cryo.”

“What?” you asked in disbelief. “No!”

Steve didn’t seem to argue. “That was what we agreed, Y/N. If the process didn’t work, I promised that I would let him go back into sleep.”

You shook your head, “I’m not agreeing to that.”

“It’s not really your choice.” Bucky cut into you.

You couldn’t look at him.

“Don’t you realize what he did to you?” Steve asked. You nodded.

You were filled with resolve. Your eyes shot up and met theirs with inner strength you didn’t know you had. “So we go through the process again. I’ll do it myself. I can ask Jean for help. I’m getting stronger. You’ve all said it. _I can do this_. I’m getting better with barriers every day, and with Jean training me and her powers to help, we can put up another barrier just as strong as before.”

“You had Charles before.” Steve explained.

“I was weak.” You state. “I’m not anymore. Jean was almost as strong as the Professor at that time. She’s stronger now too. If we pool together, if I train a little bit more, then I know I can do it.”

The room was silent. You could feel them considering it. Steve especially. He was desperate to keep his friend.

“I’m not saying it won’t work. But the barrier already broke before. Who’s to say it won’t break again?” he asked you.

“The barrier was weak because Charles died.” You explained, “I don’t plan on dying anytime soon.”

Bucky sighed and you looked over at him. “I’m going to go back down; until you’re strong enough.”

Your hands clenched. You looked up at Steve, “Can I talk to him alone please, Steve?”

Steve looked from Bucky to you, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  


“Trust me,” You sighed, “I won’t be speaking any more Russian anytime soon.” The look on your face made Steve realize you weren’t going to budge. He looked from you over to Bucky once more, and when he looked back at you, there was something different about his expression. It felt like he finally understood.

He walked out of the room and shut the door behind him, leaving you alone with the man you were just trying to escape. You sighed and looked around Bucky’s room. You had never been in there before, but it was about as plain as Steve’s, except of a line of well used notebooks that lined a bookshelf.

Bucky stood, rigid, not able to look at you again. He waited for you to speak. After looking around the room, you finally settled on him. “You aren’t going back into that freezer, Bucky.”

“You can’t stop me.” He said quickly.

“You really want to test that?” you ask him.

He looked up at you, anger on his face. “Don’t you know what I did to you? Let me make this choice, Y/N. It’s mine and I am taking it.”

You looked him in the eyes, and saw all the pain in them from his actions. “You did what I told you to do.”

“What?” he asked, exasperated.

“You remember, don’t you?” you asked him, “What you were going to do to me… I said something to trigger that response. Don’t you remember?”

You saw his Adams apple bob as he swallowed heavily. The color had drained from his face. “I can’t forgive myself.”

“Then let me.” You say, and walk over to him. You grab his hands, which made him jump and tense up. “I don’t blame you. What happens with those words… that’s not you, Buck. I won’t let you beat yourself up over something that I told you to do.”

He looked down at you, his gaze was wavering. You could feel it in him that he didn’t want to leave you. But he was afraid of what he could do. “Please trust me.” You begged him, “Don’t leave.”

He looked down at your lips, and you could tell he desperately wanted to kiss you. He closed his eyes tight and hung his head down. He didn’t deserve to kiss you ever again.

“Hey…” you said quietly, and let go of his hands, you cupped his chin and lifted his face. You placed your lips onto his cheek. “You pushed me away once. I’m not letting you go anywhere again. I need you to trust me.”

You stared into his eyes for a moment, and you could tell he longed for you; to stay with you. He was only a push away from settling on your words. You whispered to him, “I’ve got your six.”

His arms wrapped around you as he pulled you into a tight embrace. You rested your head on his shoulder as his arms shook around you. He pulled away from you and you looked up at him. With a shaky breath, he pushed your hair away and kissed the mark on your temple.

 

You walked out together to let Steve know that Bucky had agreed to your plan. You found Steve in his room, sitting on his bed, looking at his hands.

“He is staying.” You say, causing Steve to look up. “For now.”

His blue eyes darted back and forth between you and Bucky, wondering how he missed it. He asked anyways, “How’d you get him to agree to that?”

You smiled and glanced up at Bucky, “He owed me one for getting him out of there in the first place.” You said, “I called it in.”

Steve looked up, meeting Bucky’s eyes, he knew the answer before he asked, “You sure about this, Buck?”

“No.” he admitted, and walked over to sit down next to Steve. “But you and Y/N trust me… More than I trust myself.” He ran his hands through his hair, “And I need to trust you the way you trust me.”

Steve looked up at you, uncomfortable with the fact that you convinced Bucky to do something he wasn’t entirely comfortable with, but at the same time relieved that he wasn’t leaving.

You could see the way they sat together, and you realized that their talk was far from over. “I’m going to go call Jean.” You said, and left them alone. You headed over to the elevator and pushed the button.  As you waited for the doors to open you had to question whether or not you were doing the right thing, or if you were just being selfish. You stepped into the elevator and pressed the button.

You knew that being around him made you feel good. You knew that the way he ignored you for days drove you crazy. You lost Charles, you were on a break from Wanda, and you couldn’t bare it to lose any more people you cared about. But, there was still a strong feeling of guilt in the back of your mind. You knew you had better figure everything out fast.

You stepped out of the door and turned to go down towards your room, through the lounge. When you walked down to your room, you noticed something was off. You stepped inside of your room and looked around.

Everything was back in its place; even the door had been replaced. You couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. It made sense that Steve wanted everything back the way it was. He wouldn’t want anyone questioning what happened, and frankly, neither did you. The less people questioning, the safer Bucky was.

You walked over and pulled some underwear from out of your dresser, you stripped out of Steve’s clothes and pulled off your bra, getting into something clean. You walked over to your closet and pulled the doors open to find some clothing. You hesitated when Bucky’s jacket greeted you.

You reached out and pulled it off the hanger. You turned it over in your hands as you felt guilty once more. You were defiantly being selfish. You wondered if you were holding on to him because your recent separation from Wanda.

You sighed and tossed the jacket onto your bed, pulling out some other clothes. You got dressed, grabbed the jacket, and headed out into the lounge. You found your cell out in the lounge, where you had dropped your stuff when Bucky wanted to talk to you.

You found the number for Jean, and pressed the button. You listened to it ring several times before she picked up.

“Y/N?”

“Jean,” you smile into the phone, “It’s good to hear your voice.”

“It’s good to hear from you. Is this about the Professor?”

“Oh!” you were shocked. After what had happened to you, your head was still buzzing, you had forgotten about the Professor. It made your heart twang with guilt. “No… Actually, I had a favor I wanted to ask you.”

“What is it?”

“When you said I could come back to school anytime, you meant that?”

“Of course.” She said confidently.

“Good… because I need your help.” You went on to explain about Bucky and his situation, leaving out what had happened, and ending on,  “The walls have broken since Charles died.”

“Professor told me about him. Y/N, this seems really dangerous. If he is able to-“

“I know the risks, Jean, I am asking for help.” You cut her off. It was silent for a long time.

“There is no guarantee that we will be able to do what Charles did.”

“I’m just asking you to try.” You pleaded.

You heard her sigh, “I’m excited to have you back, Y/N.”

Your smile was bright and vivid. “Thank you, Jean.”

You made arrangements with her and then ended the call. You headed over to the elevator and pressed the button. You glanced at the stairs, thinking maybe you could just walk up the flight, when the door behind you opened and Wanda walked into the house.

You turned and looked at her and she froze when she saw you. Your lips parted and you desperately wanted to say something. Wanda sighed and took a step towards you.

“How was the funeral?”

You were mildly surprised when she didn’t turn and walk away. “It was alright.” You stared quietly and then cleared your throat, “Jean said I could come back to train with her for some time.”

Wanda felt her heart tug, “You really don’t want to train with me anymore?”

You let out a sigh and turned, walking over to her, “Wan, I just want you to have your space. I love you. If you feel like we need to be on a break then I don’t want to pressure you.”

She crossed her arms and her eyes drew up over your form, “I’m not the one who needs space.”

You groaned in frustration as she walked away from you. Just because you wanted something more in bed didn’t mean you didn’t want to be with her. You wished she would just understand. The elevator dinged and you turned, walking into the room. You pressed the up button and let the door close in your face.

 

The next few days while you waited for your return to Xavier school were long. You spent most of them trying to talk to Wanda, but ultimately failing. You would end up at the bar, or in the training room. You would try to focus on building your power, in preparation for your task.

You sat at the bar, drinking your sorrow and stress, when a familiar form sat down next to you. Your head popped up at you looked at him. “You shaved.” You say, surprised.

Bucky nodded, and cleared his throat, “Back in the 40s, in the army… I kept pretty clean. After all those years of running, I didn’t really have the time to. I spent a long time trying not to look like me. I guess I missed the feeling.”

You bit your lip and absentmindedly brought your hand up and pressed it against his cheek. “It’s nice.”

Bucky leaned into your touch and looked at you. You blushed and pulled your hand away from him.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Bucky asked you.

You nodded, “As ready as I’ll ever be.” You say. You wanted to say that you hoped it would work, but you couldn’t let him think you had any sort of hesitation about your plan. You had a lot to worry about; you were starting to question yourself. You hadn’t even told him about putting your relationship on hold.

“I can drive you there.” He offered.

You glanced up at him, “I was just going to take the bug.”

He shook his head, “Let me take you. I want to see where you came from.”

You hesitated and then nodded. “Alright, it’s a bit of a drive. You’ll have to be up early.”

He gave you a look that had to smiling into your drink. “I know,” you admit, “You’re always up early.”

He smiled and grabbed a beer, popping it open easily with his metal hand. You sat with him in the familiar comfortable science you had grown accustomed to.

 

The next morning you rode with Bucky on his bike to the school. Your arms wrapped around his torso, and your face was buried into his familiar jacket. You hair whipped wildly around you, as you could feel the heat coming from where your body met with his, and pressed yourself against him harder. You felt his muscles clench under your body. You were soaking up the feeling of his thighs pressed against yours and your breasts pushing against his back every time you breathed, when you pulled up to the school.

You climbed off the back of his bike, instantly missing the feeling of your body pressed against him. You pulled off the helmet and tried feverishly to fix your hair. Bucky leaned against the bike and smiled, watching you.

“I am never going to get used to you boys and your stupid bikes.” You mumble.

“What’s that matter, doll, you don’t feel like flying?” Bucky asked you, and you gave him a look.

“Not enough between myself and the pavement if you ask me.” You say, walking over to him, “I have no interest in flying.”

He smirked and looked at the ground, “Damn. I was hoping to take you out on rides more.”

The idea of being pushed up against him again made your body tingle. You opened your mouth to reply when you were cut off.

“Good luck with that. I’ve been trying to convince her forever, but all she does is complain.” A gruff voice cut through the air.

Your head snapped over and a wide smile spread across your face. “Logan!” you rushed over and embraced him. His strong arms wrapped around you and you soaked up the familiar, disgusting, yet comforting smell of smoke and sweat.

“How are you doing, kid?” he asked, pulled away from you.

You smiled up at him, “A whole lot better now.” You shook your head and punched him in the arm, “Damn, I missed you.”

His eyes shot up and met with Bucky’s. You looked over and Bucky was sitting against his bike, looking at you uncomfortably. “Logan, this is Bucky.” you say and gesture to the both of them “Bucky, this is Logan.”

“I know.” He said. Suddenly you remembered that Bucky was in the war with Logan.

“Hey, man.” Logan greeted, and Bucky nodded at him.

You could feel the discomfort between them. You forced a smile and waved to Bucky, “I’ll see you later, okay?”

He nodded at you and you turned, walking into the school grounds with Logan.

 

 “Is that him?” Logan asked you, “The one everyone is so afraid of?”

You glance back over our shoulder at Bucky, “Yes.” You say, and then quickly changed your tune, “No. Not him. The Winter Soldier. What’s inside of him.”

“He isn’t like I remember.” Logan noted as you walked through the courtyard. You noticed that the school had long since been repaired where it had been blown to pieces all that time ago.

“Who is now-a-days?” you ask with a shrug.

“He seems dangerous.” Logan pointed out, “Do you really think this is a good idea?”

“He loses control sometimes and becomes a danger to the people he cares about.” You explain, then look up at Logan and nudge him with your elbow. “Sounds like someone we know?”

He grunted at you and the two of you made your way to the Danger Room.

“Sorry about the Professor.” You say to him after moments of silence.

“You didn’t call.” He said sharply.

You looked down filled with guilt. “I know. I’m sorry.”

When you reached the door to the Danger Room, he turned to you and placed his hand on your shoulder. His eyes bore into you. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

You were getting really tired of people questioning your decision. The decision you made on Bucky’s behalf. But when you met Logan’s eyes, you could tell that this wasn’t what he was talking about. “What do you mean?”

He patted your shoulder and turned, walking away. You watched him go and turned, walking in. Jean smiled at you, which you returned. You walked up to give her a hug. “It’s good to see you.”

“I’m glad you’re back.” She says, “How are you holding up?”

You smiled and took a step back from her. “I’m doing okay. Everything seems surprisingly calm here.”

Jean nodded, “I’ll be taking over the school soon. I’ve needed a lot of help from the other professors, but we have managed to keep the uncertainty to a minimum.”

“You’re going to be great, Jean.” You tell her and she smiled.

“Are you ready?” she asks you, and suddenly you were nervous. You hadn’t trained with Jean in a very long time. You knew that she was on a similar level to Wanda, and the idea that she could win in a fight against her was up for debate. Like Wanda, the power lying dormant inside of her was terrifying.

You took a deep breath. “Let’s do it.”

 

You spent rigorous hours training with Jean. More time than you spent with Wanda or Natasha in any one session. Every time Jean asked you if you needed a break, you would shake your head, your sweat covered hair whipping around your face. You were determined, and the training put everything else out of your mind. Weather that was because of the focus, or because Jean was forcing your other thoughts out, you weren’t sure, but you were grateful for the fact.

“Why are you pushing yourself so hard, Y/N?” Jean asked you after you declined another break.

You were hunched over, hands on your knees, covered in sweat and panting. “I have to do this, Jean.”

“You don’t.” she says, and walks over to you. “Why are you risking your life for this guy?”

You glanced up at her, “He’s my friend.”

Jean crossed her arms and gave you a look that said she didn’t believe a word coming from your mouth. As if she was trying to make a point, she asked, “Tell me about Wanda?”

You gave her a stern look and stood up to face her, “What about Wanda?”

“You’re having troubles.” She pointed out. You wanted to yell at her for pulling things from your head. But this was what you asked for. If you had done the barriers right, she wouldn’t be able to pull anything out. It was exhausting.

“She doesn’t understand that I’m just trying to meet my needs. I want to be with her, but I can’t just ignore what I want. I want to do these things with her. I love her.”

Her eyes were searching yours. Her voice was strained with shock when she asked you once more, “Tell me about the Winter Soldier.”

“Bucky is my friend.” You repeated.

“Tell me about the Winter Soldier.” She said fighting the urge to yell, “Tell me why you are trying to save someone who was going to do that to you?”

Your lips parted. She had found what you were so desperately trying to hide. Anger filled you. You go in her face when you spat at her, “ _Because_ he tried to do that to me. Bucky didn’t hurt anyone. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone ever again.”

Your anger gave way and you shoved Jean, hard with your mind, throwing her back against the wall. “I am giving him the power to do that.” When she rose, she had a confident look on her face.

“Good. Now take that power you just showed me and _use it.”_ She said, and threw her mind into you.

 

When you finally decided to tap out of the fight with jean, she approached you one last time, “Tell me about Bucky.”

You sighed at her, “I already told you…”

“You told me about the Winder Soldier,” she corrected you. “I’m asking about Bucky.”

You glanced over, meeting her eyes. “Don’t you already know everything?”

“I do.” She nodded, “But you don’t.”

You gave her a look of question, to which she smiled and walked out. There was a feeling in the pit of your stomach. You were starting to hate the way she sounded just like The Professor. You followed her out of the Danger Room and said goodbye.

You made your way out of the mansion, and back through the courtyard. You were pulling your phone out of your pocket to dial Logan when you noticed Bucky’s bike still sitting at the entrance. He was leaning against it, the same way he was when you left him hours ago.

“You’re still here?” you asked him, he looked up at you and pushed himself off of the bike, standing up to greet you. “I thought you were going to head home. I was going to catch a ride with Logan.”

He shook his head, “I wanted to look around a little bit.”

You smiled at him and turned to pick up the spare helmet.

“Hello, Fraulein.”

As if no time had passed, your heart skipped and you felt butterflies in your stomach, almost making you sick. You turned around and looked at him, already nervous. “Hello, Professor Wagner.”

He smiled at you as you felt Bucky scoot closer to your side. “How have you been?”

You nodded, “I’ve been okay. I’m sorry about Amanda. I heard what happened.”

Kurt nodded sadly. “Thank you. I heard that you vere back training with Jean. Vill you be living at the school again?”

“No,” you shook your head, “I don’t plan on moving back anytime soon.”

Bucky watched him closely, anger boiling in the pit of his stomach as Kurt smiled down at you. He couldn’t help but to move closer to you and wrap his arm protectively around your shoulders. You looked up at him, but he was still staring at Kurt.

“That’s a shame,” Kurt said, and you turned your attention back to him, “I vas hoping we could go to dinner sometime.”

There were those butterflies again. You noted how Bucky’s arm tightened around you. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Kurt’s eyes darted back and forth between you and Bucky, “I see. Vell,” he shrugged, “If you ever change your mind, you know vhere to find me.”

You nodded as he turned and walked away. When he bamfed out of sight, you stepped away from Bucky and looked up at him, “What was that about, Bucky, I thought you didn’t get jealous?”

He looked down at you; a smile was playing his lips.  “I said I wasn’t jealous over Wanda.” He corrected you, “If there is going to be a man in your life, it is going to be me.”

Your heart squeezed.  You knew you had to tell him. You sighed, unable to look at him. “Listen, Buck…”

His expression changed, he could read the tone of your voice, and listened intently.

“Wanda and I… we’re kind of on a break right now.”

His heart filled so much he wondered it if would burst. “That’s great.”

You shot him a look, “No. It’s not, Bucky.” you say. “I have to fix this with her. And I can’t do it if I keep having to question what’s going on here.” You gestured between the two of you. “I know that you don’t really understand, and I don’t really, either. So, I think its best that we take a step back.”

“What?” he asked, his heart now bursting for another reason.

“I need space to try and figure out what I want… and so I can fix things with Wanda.”

Bucky’s face twisted in anger, “What are you talking about? I thought that you were going help me? I stayed out of Cryo for you!”

You flinched at his anger, “I _am_ going to help you!” you tried to explain, “I just… I just need you to be my friend right now, until I figure out what I want.”

Bucky threw his helmet onto the ground and it skittered across the pavement, “Are you crazy?! How do you expect me to stay away from you?” he yelled.

“I was wondering the same thing…” you admitted to yourself. “I’m not saying we can’t still hang out and train; I just need you to stop… doing all that other stuff.”

He shook his head with a scoff, “I can’t stop. I already tried that, remember? _You hated it_.”

You looked down at the ground, “I’m sorry, Bucky.”

“Are you sure?” he asked and snatched the spare helmet from your grasp. “You don’t seem like it.” He strapped the helmet on and straddled his bike, firing it up. “You want me to stay away from you? Fine.” 

With a twist of his hand Bucky sped away from you. Your heart broke as you watched him ride out of sight. You sighed and buried your face into your hands. You tried to hold your composure together, but you could feel your eyes stinging with tears.

You took a deep breath and looked up. You wanted to mend things with him immediately, but figured he would need space to cool off. You had never seen him so mad before. You were surprised at the anger he hand pent up inside of him, waiting to be unleashed.

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and dialed Logan’s number after all. You tried to hide the tears from your voice when he answered.

“Hey, Logan, I could use a ride. Are you busy?”

“What’s wrong?”

You failed. You sighed, “Do you want to grab a drink?”

 

You walked back into the base hours later, slightly buzzed. You met up with Logan and, as best friends do, completely poured yourself out to him.  Logan didn’t say much. He didn’t act like he knew something you didn’t know. He was just there for you; paying for your tab.

You sauntered into the lounge, feeling pretty good. You were looking forward to making good with Bucky. You had come to the conclusion that maybe you didn’t need to push him away for you to figure out what you wanted. Maybe you should be taking the opportunity to see how you really felt.

You looked around the mostly empty room. You saw Steve sitting by the bar, mildly surprising because he was such a straight guy. He looked over his shoulder at you, and you both opened your mouths to speak at the same time.

“Where’s Bucky?”

Suddenly, your heart sank. “He hasn’t come back yet?”

“What do you mean back? Wasn’t he with you?” Steve turned to you and stood up; the panic in his voice was reflected in your own.

“He took off.” You said, and you could feel the tears welling up once more, far too easily in your drunken state. “He isn’t coming back. Is he Steve? Where else would he go? Why else wouldn’t he be back yet?”

“Calm down.” Steve said quickly and stepped forward to wrap his arms around you. “I’ll go look for him.” He looked down at your face, “Why don’t you grab something to eat and go to bed? I’ll have him back in the morning.”

You were starting to feel dizzy, so you nodded slowly. You had to trust that Steve would find Bucky and bring him home. You went to the kitchen and grabbed some of the most comforting yet sobering food you could find. You crawled into your bed after eating and curled up. You hoped that these last few days were just a bad dream, and tomorrow you would really wake up.

 

When you got up, it took you a few moments for everything to come back down around you. When it did, your heart jumped uncomfortably into your throat. You shot up out of bed, feeling really gross in the sweaty clothes you wore yesterday for training; you looked at the clock by your bed and knew that they would already be awake. You ran down the hall, passed the lounge, heart pounding in your ears. You poked your head into the kitchen before running up the stairs to the boys’ floor.

‘Please let him be here.’ You prayed.

You ran down the hall and opened Bucky’s door, hoping to see him sleeping peacefully. But you were greeted with a cold empty room. You heard something move inside of the room down the hall, Steve’s. You rushed down and swung the door open without warning.

Steve was standing by his desk, looking at the photograph of him and Bucky from the 40s. His head snapped up when you burst in. He set the photo down, and you could read the stiffness in his body as he turned to you. You met his sorrow filled blue eyes, and he gave a single, firm shake of his head.

Your hand went to your mouth as a sob wretched from your throat. You collapsed to your knees, and Steve ran over to catch you. You buried into his shoulder and cried. It was all your fault. If it weren’t for you, Bucky would be in cryogenic freeze right now. If you hadn’t opened your mouth and had a fight with him, he would still be here. Bucky Barnes was missing, and it was entirely on you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are only 2 chapters left until the endings. Let me know where you hope this is headed and if you would be interested in there being more.


	11. Search

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the wonderful reviews and kudos! You guys are awesome, and make me love writing that much more. The amount of Wanda shippers here is fantastic! I may write a solo Wanda Fic to please all you guys. I also love the amount of Wanda shippers turned Bucky shippers that are here. I guess that means I'm doing good with the dynamics of this triangle lol. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> WARNING: Seizure Trigger!

Bucky would be missing for weeks. The days would all pass the same. You would wake up, meet up with Steve, and you would pool together to try to find Bucky. You would be out during the day, and when you got tired, you would come home, climb into bed and hack into every camera you could find looking for him until you passed out from sheer exhaustion. Your alarm would go off early, and you would start over again.

“When Bucky doesn’t want to be found, He isn’t found.” Steve tried to explain to you. “He was in hiding for years. I was never able to find him. He’s been doing this for too long, Y/N.”

“I’m not going to give up on him. He is out there because of me.” You would tell him.

And you would go back to work. Steve would make weekly calls to Wakanda to see if he showed back up to go under. You even had Natasha helping you pull intelligence. But no matter what you did, you could not seem to find him.

On nights when you were working on the computer Natasha provided to you, you would look over at your closet, longing for his jacket to magically appear back inside so you would be able to wrap yourself in it.

There were even some days that Steve would try to force you to stay home, because the restlessness and exhaustion that had been racking your body over the weeks of stress. He would tell Natasha to hide your computer, and force you to be useless.

It made your miserable, but it was the only time you would bathe or eat regularly. You would take trips to the school to train with Jean, which got you out of the house; which was nice, because Wanda still wasn’t talking to you. And then you would head home to collapse. One day, you didn’t even make it home.

“You aren’t getting behind the wheel, Y/N.” Logan told you, yanking the keys from your hands.

“Logan!” you shouted, “I have to go home, I have to be up in the morning.”

“I don’t think so.” He grunted, and yanked your arm, pulling you back towards the mansion. “I’m tired of seeing you do this to yourself. So is Jean.”

“Jean lets me leave.” You snap at him.

“I don’t give a shit.” He said and led you down a painfully familiar hallway. You knew exactly where he was taking you.

“You can’t just lock me up in my room, Logan.” You yelled at him. He grunted and tore open the door to your room and tossed you inside. “If you think I am going to stay in here, you’re wrong.”

He slammed the door in your face and you screamed in frustration. You paced back and forth in your room. Sure, you could get out, but how would you get back to the base? There had to be a way you could get there without driving.

You could ask Professor Wagner. He could teleport you back to the base, and then Logan wouldn’t be able to complain about you driving. You could have Steve drive you back in the morning for the beetle.  You were too worn to care about weather asking him was a good idea.

You walked over to the door and yanked open the door knob. Jean raised an eyebrow at you from the other side of your threshold. “Inside.” She said, making you take a step back and shutting the door behind her.

“Jean, Logan-“

“I know what Logan is doing, and I agree with him.”  She explained and motioned to your bed, “Lay down.”

“What?” you asked her, entirely confused. It was a simple enough gesture, but your mind was so shut down from lack of rest that you couldn’t put two and two together.

“You’re going to sleep.” Jean said. “You need it.”

You shook your head, “It’s the middle of the day.”

“I’m going to help you, Y/N. Now lay down before I make you.” Her tone was harsh.

You sighed at her, not wanting her to mentally throw you onto the bed, you walked over to your bed and laid down in it, yanking the covers up. You glared up at her, feeling a lot like a child whose mom told them it was nap time.

“Close your eyes.” Her tone was softer this time, and you complied. Her fingers pressed on your temple, and your heart clenched when you felt her fingers brush against the scar on your head. The only thing that ever touched your scar was Bucky’s lips.

“I have to find him Jean.” You whispered as you felt all of your stress dissipate and your mind go foggy.

“I know, Y/N.” she said quietly, “I know how you feel.”

Soon, the only thing you could focus on was the sound of your breathing, getting deeper and deeper until finally you drifted off.

 

When you woke up, you felt better than you had in weeks. You sat up and looked around. Jean had left at some point. You weren’t even sure how long you were out. You grabbed your cell out of your pocket and were surprised to see that Cap hadn’t tried to contact you at all. You had to guess that Logan or Jean called him.

You climbed out of bed and rummaged through the drawers, looking for any kind of clothes, so you could get out of the day old training clothes plastered onto your skin in sweat. You were able to find a school tee shirt, but no bottoms. Something was better than nothing. You made your way into the bathroom and took the longest shower of your life.

You yanked on the shirt and your pants and set out to find Logan. When you did, you expected to be angry at him. You were surprised when you felt thankful instead.

“Thank you…” you said to him. Logan raised an eyebrow at you and handed you your keys.

You took them and sighed, sliding into the seat next to him at the kitchen table. “Is that soda?” you asked, giving him a confused look.

“It’s a school.” He explained, “Can’t have beer.”

You scoffed at the idea. “That sucks.”

“Tell me about it.”

You looked over at him, “You were right to do what you did.”

“I know I was.”

You snorted and shook your head. “That was the best sleep I had in a long time. Jean really helped me…” you looked around at all the students, “Her presence really calms everyone down.”

Logan looked down into his glass, “You should think about staying.”

“What?” you asked him, “But Bucky-“

“You can still look for him here.” Logan explained to you, “But you’ll have Jean. She can make sure you actually get some rest.”

You shook your head, “I have to be there to help Steve.”

“Steve is doing fine on his own.” Logan looked at you, “Just as Jean makes all the students calm, she can do that for you too. Just think about it.”

You were frustrated. Ever since Bucky left, people had been treating you like a child. Like you might crumble at any minute. You got up and walked away from him, ready to go home.

 

When you walked in to the kitchen for Steve for an update, Wanda was there talking to him. You felt her tense up and look over her shoulder at you. You leant against the doorway, looking at her. You missed her dearly, and looking for Bucky was a good way to get her out of your mind.

She said something quietly to Steve and then walked past you without a word. You took a deep breath, soaking up the sadness and tension coming from her. You looked up at Steve and gave him a sharp glare.

He sighed, “Sorry, Y/N.”

“No, you’re not.” You correct him, walking over.

“You’re right.” He admitted, crossing his heavy arms over his large chest. “I’m not. You need to tone it down, Y/N. I know how you feel, but you’re putting yourself in danger doing this.”

You shook your head, “It’s my fault he’s out there Steve.” Steve’s jaw tightened. He was the only person you told about why Bucky really left. You left out the part where Bucky wanted to be more than friends with you, simply telling him that you fought with him. But Steve wasn’t stupid, and he had learned to read between the lines.

“If he wanted to be here he would.” He tried to tell you.

“He doesn’t’ want to be here because of me.” You could feel your voice raising as your stress was jacked back up to eleven.

“That’s not true, Y/N.” he said, and reached out for your shoulder.

You jerked back away from him. You were feeling ready to break. “I’m getting really tired of people telling me to give up.”

“No one is telling you to give up.” Steve tried to explain to you, desperately wanting to comfort you; but comfort was far out of reach.

“Good, because that’s not going to happen.” You hissed and turned, walking out of the kitchen. You could tell you were being a raging bitch, but everything about what was going on was putting you on edge. You hated coming home to a home that seemed emptier than ever and a girlfriend who wasn’t even talking to you.

You stormed to your room and snatched a bag out of the closet. Logan may have been right after all.

 

Once you had moved back into the school, you seemed to be a bit more relaxed. You knew it was just Jean relaxing everyones minds, but you were grateful for it. You had been staying there for a few weeks, and you were finally able to talk to Steve without yelling at him.

You walked out of the Danger Room after training with Jean. You were getting really good at barriers now. You could keep things from Jean now. You practiced in and out of the Danger Room. Jean seriously limited the time you were able to train with her. Which was fine with you, because you would spend extra time going out with Logan for drinks, or with Steve to look for Bucky, or on your computer doing research.

You finally had let go. It was well over a month after Bucky left, and you had accepted that you weren’t going to find him. But you would still look sometimes. And you would train, harder than you ever had before, so that when he decided to show back up you could keep your promise to him.

You walked towards your room, thinking about what you could possibly try to keep from Jean the next time you trained with her. She had picked your brain so many times that she probably knew everything about you.

“Y/N?”

You looked up just as you smashed into a chest. “I’m sorry!” you gasped, “I was not paying attention, I was just in my head.”

“I could see that, fraulien.” Kurt smiled down at you, his muscular arms wrapping around his fit chest.

You gave him a nervous smile. You had gotten used to seeing him around by now, and you even had a few conversations with him. “I didn’t even see you, sorry, Professor.”

You could see him fighting the urge to roll his glowing yellow eyes at you. “Did you just come from your training with Jean?”

You nodded, “Yeah, sorry, I’m probably all covered in sweat.” You were, you knew, and you probably smelled too. You cursed yourself mentally for saying something so stupid. The butterflies showed up and starting to make your stomach feel worse. It was already clenched tight from training, and empty as hell.

As if he read your mind, he smiled at you and said, “You must be hungry. I vas just going to grab some lunch in between my periods. Do you vant to join me?”

You looked up at him, the panic settling in your stomach. It had been a long time since he asked you to go out for a meal with him. You had a million good reasons to turn him down before, but right now you could not think of any. If answering for you, your stomach grumbled painfully. You took a deep breath and nodded. “Sure. Let me just go change and I’ll meet you by the school front?”

Kurt smiled and nodded down at you, your stomach clenched. “I’ll see you there.”

You gave him a soft smile and turned to walk into your room. When you shut the door, you realized that you were outside your room while talking to him. You wondered if maybe he was waiting for you. The idea made your cheeks warm up.

You stripped and threw your clothes onto the floor. You walked over and rummaged through the dresser. You had to admit that after Bucky and Wanda, the gentle reaction he gave you was a nice change of pace. You picked out something cute, not sure why you felt like you wanted his approval.

You ran a brush through your hair, trying to smooth it down. You stared at yourself in the mirror. In a reaction you hadn’t had in months, you reached for a hair tie. You started to pull your hair up when your eyes caught sight of your temple. You froze. The way your hair was pulled back from your face left it open for anyone to see. You slowly dropped your hands, letting your hair fall back around your face. You became flustered and tried to flatten your hair to cover it better, as if it was something you wanted to keep to yourself. A secret just for you.

 

You sat down at the table, looking across from Kurt. He was laughing at something he had said, You gave him a smile, looking down at your food.  You could feel your nerves on edge.

“Y/N?”

You looked up at him, he had apparently been trying to say something to you. “I’m sorry?” you clenched your fists. You had noticed that you were constantly apologizing to him, and it was something you were trying to work on stopping.

To your surprise, he blushed. “I asked … if you still had feelings for me?”

“Oh.” You blushed, “I… I don’t know. I mean, it’s kind of the last thing on my mind right now.”

“I see.”  He said quietly. “I vas hoping maybe you did.”

“Oh?” you asked, blush deepening.

“I have been thinking.” He admitted, tilting his head, “I vould like to court you.” You nodded slowly, barely processing what he was saying. You bit your lip as his eyes studied you. “Vould you be okay with that?”

You tore your eyes down and cleared your throat, “Like I said, I don’t really know if I’m ready for all that.”

You felt him lean back in his chair, and you could see his tail twitching nervously under the table. His next words weren’t cold, but they still cut through you like ice. “This is about your missing friend?”

Your head snapped up so fast it hurt. His eyes widened. “I did not mean to intrude.” He said, embarrassed, “He just seemed … very close to you vhen I saw you together.”

You took a deep breath and looked away from him, unable to look him in the eyes. “I can’t really focus on anything else until he turns up. It’s my fault he is gone. I gotta find him.”

He nodded, “You must care about him a lot.”

Your shoulders raised and lowered in a shrug. “Never really figured that out.”

“Fraulin, most people vouldn’t go to the extent you are going unless they cared about that person.” His hand reached over and set a top of yours.

“I guess.”

“I vish there vas something I could do to help you. If the Professor vere here, he vould be able to find your friend.”

“Yeah.” You agreed. You wished Charles was still here. He would know what to do. Your eyes suddenly widened, and your head snapped up to meet his eyes, it hurt even more than the first time. “The Professor…” you said under your breath.

“What?” Kurt asked, obviously not hearing you.

You shook your head quickly and smiled, “Nothing. Nevermind. Are you ready to go?”

Kurt looked down at his half eaten food. He clearly wasn’t, but could tell you wanted to get out of there, so he waved for the check.

 

Kurt walked you back to your room. When you got to the door, you turned and smiled at him. You hadn’t smiled in so long that it made the corners of your mouth hurt. “Thank you for the wonderful meal, Kurt.”

His eyes widened as he blushed. You looked at him in question. “You – You called me Kurt.”

You blinked in surprise, “Oh. I guess I did.”

He smiled brightly at you. “Anytime you vant to go out again, just let me know.” He said happily, and leaned forward, placing his lips on your cheek.

He had pulled away before you even registered what happened. You turned pink after he smiled at you. You nodded and forced a smile on your face. “Goodnight.” You said quickly, and turned to your door, turning the knob. You opened the door and gave him one last smile, which he returned and turned. With a crack and a puff of smoke he was gone.

You waited for a few minutes, hand on the knob, before you slowly shut the door, turning back down the hall and walking away from your room. You brought all your focus in and started erecting walls around you mind. Layer after layer, giving it everything you had to hide your mind from Jean, who was forever watching the school.

You picked up your pace, walking faster, but not so fast that you drew attention from the students. Soon you turned down the hallway, “Kurt, you are a genius.”

 You stared down at the metal door at the end of the hall as you approached the keypad. You were able to disable the retnal scanner easily. You had been inside this code before; it had been a long time, but it was like riding a bike. You stroked a few keys and were able to bypass the system. The door opened and you slipped inside.

The room was vast and empty, the color of the ocean. You walked across the bridge slowly, as the drop below was far. You could feel your nerves building as you approached the mechinisim. You looked down at the helmet sitting in the center.

 “Cerebro.”

Your hands shook as you picked up the cold metal helmet. You stared at it. The answer was right under you the entire time, and once again you failed to see it. You slowly lift the helmet and slide it on over your head.

You weren’t The Professor. You weren’t Jean. You couldn’t hear other people. But you could still reach out to them. If Cerebro was able to boost the search, you might be able to push your mind out far enough to find Bucky. His mind was weak, and you had been inside so many times that you would know it anywhere.

You took a deep breath and let your fingers get to work. Being on the outside of a machine was a little harder than being inside of its mind. But you were able to turn it on, and switch it over to find humans.

The voices screamed inside of you as the red lights lit up around the globe walls of the room. You braced yourself against the table as the voices hollered inside your head, trying to make it explode. You clearly didn’t think this through, but you were not giving up now.

You closed your eyes and started picking through the brains, moving on as fast as you could see that it wasn’t Bucky. You started searching in the areas that you hadn’t yet covered. You knew Bucky’s past, and that he would hide somewhere foreign and obscure.

The piercing thoughts of billions of people pressed against your mind. Your head started throbbing and you had to bite back a scream. Your body started shaking.

Your mind was spread thin across the world like butter on toast. Streaching, ripping to pieces in an unimaginable pain. But every mind that you entered filled you with more determination. Soon the shaking in your body was too much and you collapsed to the floor. You saw red dots litter the ground, and you realized you had a nose bleed that was pouring.

You closed your eyes tight and your brain felt like it was going to be smashed with the pressure. You felt like your ears may be bleeding. You kept jumping from mind to mind, until your head hit the cold metal floor.

You weren’t even sure you were breathing anymore. You could feel your brain wanting to explode. Your vision started to fade in and out. You could feel the thick blood running steadily from your nose to pool on the ground.

Even as your body shook on the floor ready to die your mind still jumped around. You still pushed yourself farther and farther, until you could feel your body want to give in to the slumber.

You pressed into the next mind easily, as if the door was left open just for you, and were overcome with a comfortable silence.

A smile slid across your mouth as you finally gave in to the emptiness.

 

 

 

Your body ached. Your head throbbed. You opened your eyes to be greeted with a sterile white room. You couldn’t hear anything, but you were sure the machine you were hooked to was making some sort of beeping noise as it read your pulse. Which, frankly, you were really relieved you had, because you felt like you might have died. You took a deep breath, and it stung like a hundred needles.

You reached up to rub your face, which hurt, and you let out a loud groan. You could hear again. Your eyes looked up around the room, and when you looked to your right you were met with a firey gaze.

“Steve,” you breathed. “Where the hell am I?”

His voice was burning, “You’re in the hospital, Y/N.”

“What am I doing here?” you asked, confused, “How did I get here?”

He stood up so quickly that his chair topped into the wall behind him and broke a leg. “You are staying alive. That’s what you are doing here. I can’t believe you!” He was yelling so loud that the walls shook.

You closed your eyes tightly, flinching slowly. “I’m fine, aren’t I?”

“NO.” he shouted and leaned over your, looking positively terrifying. “You are not fine. You had a seizure. You could have damaged your brain. You could have died.”

“Huh…” you were surprised, but not entirely shocked. It honestly felt like you were dying when you were in that machine. “I guess those mental barriers really worked out.”

“Not funny, Y/N.” Steve hissed, and pulled away from you. He turned his back to you and crossed his arms. His muscles in his back were tense and twitching. “You’re out of the search.”

“What?” you asked in complete disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am.” He shouted, not even looking at you, as if he couldn’t watch the look on your face as he spoke, “I know how you feel about him, and I am not going to let you kill yourself over him.”

You were beyond confused. “What are you talking about?”

His sigh made his shoulders deflate. “People don’t just go risking their lives for just anyone. No one is worth what you are putting yourself through. I thought it would get better when you moved back to the school. But I was wrong. Professor Grey told me what you did to that machine. That thing was way over your power level and you could have gotten yourself killed. You were looking for Bucky and you almost killed yourself. I can’t allow you to look for him anymore.”

Your heart was still, but you could hear it pumping blood through your veins. Steve stood in silence for several minutes before making a move to the door. You sucked in a breath and lurched forward in your bed. “Steve, wait!”

“The decision is final, Y/N.” his words carried over. His hand closed around the handle of the door when your voice cut though his heart like a blade.

 “I found him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've already written all the endings, just editing them now. 1 more chapter before the 3 endings. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me. There will be a second one, but I'm not going to tell you which couple ending it will continue from until all the endings are out! I really hope you like my characters, plot and writing enough to continue to read the next one. I am having a stupid amount of trouble figuring out a title though. If you have thoughts let me know. Also, let me know what you think of this chapter!


	12. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter before the endings! Can't believe I am here! Thank you all for the lovely comments and kudos! I hope I don't let you down.
> 
> WARNING: Smut!! 
> 
> "warning" yeah right, you know you love it!

You were in the hospital for two weeks. No one came to visit you, which was fine, because they probably would chastise you for what you did.

Your body was weak, but you were thankful that you had finally let your mind rest. For several days you did absolutely nothing, and it was wonderful. You worried still, and would text Steve constantly to try to get him to tell you anything about Bucky; that he even found him. But when Steve told you he was pulling you out of the search, he meant in every aspect.

He would talk to you about other things, but not about him. He told you that he would come pick you up when you were discharged. He was the only one that had even tried to reach you, and the only one from the Avengers that you reached out to.

So when your phone started ringing, you were surprised it wasn’t him.

“Hello?”

“Y/N! Are you okay, my love?” Wada’s voice was shaking and you could tell she had been crying. It made your heart melt.

“I’m okay, Wan.” You reassured her, sitting upright in bed at the sound of her voice. “Why are you sad?”

“You could have died.” She started crying again, “You would have left me all alone.”

“Shh, Wan, it’s okay.” You soothed her, “I will never leave you alone. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she sniffled, “I was so mad at you. When Steve told me what happened, I just couldn’t handle it. I was even more mad at you than before. I was mad at you for trying to throw your life away and leave me all alone. But, I don’t think I can be mad anymore… I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too, Wan.” The sound of her crying and her words brought tears into your eyes. “I missed you every day.”

“Please come back soon.” She whispered over the phone.

“I will, I promise.”

“I have to go.” She sobbed, “If Steve finds out I called you he is going to be really mad. He doesn’t want anyone to distract you from recovering.”

“Let him be mad.” You smiled, “I’ve missed your voice.”

“I’ve missed yours too, my love.”

“I love you.” You told her firmly. You felt your heart full for the first time in a long time. You could tell her that every minute of every day and it would never get old.

“I love you too.” She replied with a sniffle. “I will see you when you get home.”

“Okay.”

“Goodbye.”

“Bye.” You hung up the phone and set it on your bedside table; you brought in a deep breath and closed your eyes. Finally everything was falling back into place.

 

 

A week later you were putting all your personal items into your bag when the nurse walked in with your papers for discharge. Your phone buzzed; it was a text from Steve.

‘Sorry, can’t make it, I have something important I need to do. Nat will be there to get you.’

“Of course,” You hissed under your breath.

“You ready to be out of here, Honey?” the nurse asked.

“You could say that again.” You sighed.

“Mm-hm.” The nurse nodded her head, “If I were you, the first thing I would do is go see that boyfriend of yours.”

“Boyfriend?” you asked, raising your eyebrow at her, while you felt your heart clench. Who could she be talking about?

The nurse put a hand on her hip, “Tall, dark, and handsome. Pretty eyes.”

Your heart skipped a beat. “Bucky?” you whispered. That was impossible, you told yourself. Why would he come here? Wasn’t he still mad? Did Steve find him after all?

“He came here every day waiting for you.” The nurse explained, causing your heart to race.

“Why didn’t you let him in?” you accused her, taking a step forward, which she blatantly ignored, as if she dealt with upset patients every second of the day.

“No visitors.” She said, ruffling the papers, “Captain’s orders.”

You mentally cursed Steve, as you could feel the agitation twitching in your face.

 “He would sit in the lobby every day. I kept telling him you didn’t have any visitors, but every day he would still show up. Sit there for hours. Said he had something important to tell you.”

And as if no time had passed at all, your body heated up, face flushed and heart beating fast. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

She handed the papers over to you, “You are free to go. Can’t keep a guy like that waiting; I’d be runnin’ if I were you.”

You watched her leave the room with a blank stare. You clenched the papers in your hand, causing them to crinkle; these papers that told you that you were finally able to go home; these papers that were the very last thing keeping you from seeing him. And you ran.

You took off down the hallway and bounded down the stairwell. You kept running until you were outside, and then you ran down the street.

“Hey, Flash!” a familiar voice shouted. You stopped and turned, seeing Natasha standing by her slick black car. “Care for a ride?”

“Nat!” you said, out of breath and walked over, getting into the car.

 

You were riding down the street towards the base, staring out the window. Your heart had slowed, but you were still anxious. Which was clear by the way your nails tapped consistently on the door where your arm rested.

“You were going to see Bucky?” Natasha broke the silence.

Your eyes shot over to her, and you tried to sound confused, “What do you mean?”

Natasha scoffed, “Steve isn’t the only one who notices things. I’m trained to read body language, you know.”

You sighed. Hiding things from Natasha was impossible, “It’s not like that. Wanda-“

“It is like that. You nearly killed yourself to find him.” Natasha said, “You need to figure things out. Preferably in the next hour.”

“What?” you asked her, actually confused this time.

The car pulled up to the base and she threw it into park. She turned to you with an intent look on her face, and spoke to you firmly. “You need to go find your soldier.”

You stared at her blankly. What was going on?

You turned and looked up at the base and opened your door. You stepped out of the car and walked to the front door. Things were way too weird. Everyone kept telling you about how you feel. How things were. And what was Natasha talking about needing to know in the next hour? Whatever questions you had, only one person had the answers.

As you pulled the door open, your heart started racing again. You had been in this place alone for so long, you realized just how empty it really felt while he was gone; because as you stepped through the door, it suddenly didn’t feel empty any more. And you knew exactly why; because in your mind, you could feel him inside the building.

After months, you would finally be able to apologize. You would finally be able to see him again. You found yourself bounding up the stairs, turning down the hallway towards the boys’ bedrooms; your mind leading you exactly to where his was.

You stopped at his threshold, out of breath. You drew in deep steady breaths as you looked at him, and suddenly your heart was in your throat.  He looked taller than you remembered. His wide back was to you, a shirt stretching over the muscles of his slumped shoulders. He was standing by the window, the sun shining through and lighting up his dark hair which rested on his shoulders. Your eyes watered, because you felt like if you blinked, he might disappear again. You shouted his name to make sure he was real.

“Bucky!”

He jumped and turned his head to you. “Y/N!”

His face was a veil of shock and relief. Like he also felt like you weren’t real. He turned around and you both took a few steps toward each other. You had to fight the urge to run into his arms. “I didn’t know you were getting out today…”

You nodded, “Steve was supposed to get me but he said he had something important he had to do.”

Bucky scowled and he looked at the ground, cursing Steve. He glanced up at you, “I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad I could see you again.”

You both stood in silence, just staring at each other. You smiled at him, your heart pounded and you could feel your eyes starting to hurt as if they longed for tears.

“Why did you leave?” You heard yourself whisper.

Bucky sighed and looked down, “It was the only way I could do what you asked me to do. I wasn’t going to be able to stay away from you otherwise. I didn’t want to leave…”

You felt your body flush, and you were suddenly reminded about how he made your body heat up. You wanted to grab him and pull him into your arms, but his words came back to you. “What do you mean again? You’re back now you can see me all the time.”

His heart clenched and he shook his head, “It can’t be like that.” He looked up at you, and there was sadness to his eyes, “I can’t just stay around you and not take you.” He said and looked away. He cleared his throat, “I’m still the soldier.”

You stared at him, studying his face; he seemed to get more handsome while he was away.

“I could hurt you. I _tried_ to hurt you.” He said and met your eyes, “If I could hurt you, I could hurt anyone. I can’t let that happen anymore. I have to go back.”

“Go back?” you asked, genuinely confused, and heart spiraling down fast.

“Into the freeze.” He finished.

You stood there in silence once more. “You can’t be serious.” You could hear your heart pounding in your ears again, threatening to shatter.

“I am.” He said firmly. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I have to go back until they can get Hydra out of my head. For good. Not just barred away this time. I am leaving tonight and nothing will stop me.”

You shook your head and you felt your heart fill with sadness. He had just come back and he was leaving. It was silent for several minutes and you knew nothing you could say was going to change his mind this time. You had driven him away already because you had to tell him to stay away from you.

There was no reason for you to ask him to stay.

“Why did you try to find me?”

His voice was soft, but you heard the question. You looked up at him; the intent in his eyes was strong. The truth was, you weren’t sure why you risked your life to find him. Everyone else seemed to know; but you didn’t.

It would have been easy to let him go. You would have been able to repair your relationship, push all the temptations out of your head, go back to how things were before. You looked at him; really looked at him. There was something there. Not love, not just a crush, but something else. Something you couldn’t begin to understand.  You knew exactly why. “I will _always_ try to find you.”

Bucky looked at you and took a deep breath in. He was suddenly taking a step forward to close the gap between the two of you, one hand started to reach for your waist as the other rose up to your face.

Then he froze.

You could feel the heat on your cheeks as your heart raced. You looked at his hand, a few inches away from your cheek, frozen in midair. You had seen him come to you like this so many times you knew his intent. You knew he stopped because he thought that’s what you wanted. You looked up to meet his eyes and they were laced with guilt. His hands began to lower, and you stepped into him and pulled his face down and crashed your lips onto his. You could feel his body stiffen as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

The stiffness gave way and his hands took their place on your hip and in your hair. He kissed you deep and passionately; deeper than he ever had before. Your lips separated as his tongue plunged into your mouth. You pressed your body against him as you rubbed your tongue against his.

His hand snaked down your body and grabbed your other hip. He moved you and pushed you against the wall of his bedroom as he kissed you hungrily. He was kissing you like your lips were his air and he was breathing for the first time. He was so hungry for you.

His hands on your hips hoisted you up and you instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist. Your fingers tangled in his hair, and he slammed you into the wall as his erection grinded against your covered core. You felt a moan roll past your lips, muffled by his sweet tongue.

His flesh hand travelled up your side, under your shirt and grasped your breast. He squeezed hard, and you gasped, pulling away from him, causing your hips to rock forward. Bucky instinctively grinded back against you, a grunt escaped him as you moaned at the friction.

He pulled away from you and you both looked up, eyes meeting, as you could feel your body on fire and your womanhood pulse with need. He rested his forehead on yours as he stared into your eyes. His hand was still clamped around your breast, as he slowly grinded against you again.

You tilted your head back and moaned lightly again. He groped you, and captured your lips again as he bucked into you once more. His hips racked in a continuous motion. You pulled his hair and pressed against his chest as you kissed him passionately, earning a moan of approval.

His hand quickly pulled away from your breast, as he pulled away from you, yanking your shirt off, and you helped him with his. You went back to kissing him as soon as the cloth was discarded. His arms wrapped around your waist and he was moving you again. This time he climbed onto the bed, kneeling down as he pressed you into his lap. You could feel his hard cock pressing against your pussy. It made you walls throb. He tore your bra away from you and took a nipple into his mouth. He thrust upward as you tossed your head back and moaned.

He licked the mound and nipped at it with his teeth. He kept his hands on your hips as he pressed up into you again and again. He turned to the other breast and licked the tiny pink bud before taking it into his mouth and suckling it. With each caress of your sensitive nipples, your core tingled.

Soon he was lowering you down onto the bed. His hair brushed your cheeks as his hand raced to get your pants undone. He suddenly froze. You could hear the heavy breathing coming from the both of you, as he looked up at you, eyes meeting yours from under strands of dark hair. “Is this the first time you have done this?”

Your eye brows furrowed together, your words coming out in a breathless huff, “Done this?”

“With a guy?” he finished quietly.

You felt heat race up your spine and settle in your cheeks. “Oh…”

Bucky hung his head and sighed. Suddenly he was sitting up, pulling away from you, “I can’t take that from you.”

You scrambled up and stared at him, your body was hot and you could feel the need deep in your core; your body was screaming internally at the absence of his body against yours.

“You don’t want me.” He said, “You don’t want me near you. I almost took you already and you wanted me away.”

You stared at him, barely able to make sense of the words, as your heart was still racing and your body was on a whole other level. Your mind was hazy, and you didn’t want to come back down ever again.

“I pushed you away because it wasn’t you.” You heard your voice say.

Confused, he looked up at you. “That was the soldier.” You explained and glanced down at your panties peeking out from your unzipped pants.

“I want it to be with you. Not him.” You spoke softly, and crawled over to him. He let you come to him, watching your every move.

You reached for his pants and started undoing his buckle, desperate to keep the momentum the two of you had built. You had needed this for so long. He unfurled his legs, and lifted up, making it easier for you to pull down his pants and boxers, the cloth pooling around his knees.

You stared at his erection. This was your first dick, and it was thick and throbbing. You could see the vein pulsing blood into his head. His body was stiff and you knew he was watching you. You didn’t want him to think that you were put off, so you quickly lowered yourself down and pressed your lips around the head of his cock.

You flicked your tongue against the slit and he let out a small groan. You lowered your mouth down around him and began to suck. You bobbed your head up and down, dragging your tongue along his shaft. He moaned and his metal fingers wound into your hair and grasped at the back of your head, guiding you up and down over his cock.

You dragged your tongue up the vein, and sucked the tip of his head attentively; he groaned and tossed his head back. You moved up and down at a slow pace, trying to get used to the sensation, but it became apparent that it was too slow for him. He grunted, and his thigh muscles tensed, and he started to lower your head down faster and deeper, as his metal fingers clenched your hair so tight it hurt. You let him play with you as he rammed his cock into your mouth over and over again.

After a few particularly deep thrusts, it hit the back of your throat and you gagged. He pulled you up by your hair and shoved you back onto the bed. All signs of his reservation were gone, and the hunger had returned.

His hands grasped your pants and panties and yanked them down, kicking off his own pants. He didn’t give you any time to register his movements as he lowered his mouth down onto your slit, causing you to gasp.

His hands snaked under your thighs, and he raised your hips as his tongue slid inside of you, hot and moist. He glided it in and out of you, occasionally stopping to lick upwards towards your clit. You breathed in and out heavily, and tried not to think that it was not very good. It was wet, and sloppy.

Bucky quickly noticed your disinterest, and lack of delicious noises, and shot up. His flesh hand slid over your stomach. His cold metal hand was hard and uncomfortable as it grasped your ass. He seemed to know his metal arm did not feel good in the sexual sense, because he always used his flesh hand to touch you. That, or he wanted to feel inside of you with his own fingers.

He slid one into you and pressed against the front wall, causing you to groan in pleasure. He slid his finger in and out of you, coating it in wetness that excreted from you. He shifted his weight and his hand turned over inside of you. His thumb pressed against your clit as another finger was added inside of you. His fingers were thick and you could feel you pussy clenching against them as he slid them in and out, while making circles on your clit with his thumb. You moaned, tossing your head back, and feeling a coil wind in your stomach.

He began to fuck you with his fingers faster and faster. You could feel your legs twitching from his continual stimulation of your sweet spot. You glanced down at him and noticed he hand started stroking his cock with his metal hand as he stared down at him violating you. His hand was moving swift and you could see beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

His eyes flicked up and he caught you staring at him. He bit his lip and smirked at you, pumping his cock faster as he stared into your eyes. He put more pressure onto your clit, pressing down as his fingers thrust all the way inside of you, hitting your special spot.

You screamed and thrust your head back as cum squirted out of you all over his hand. Your legs trembled as you felt your walls convulse. Bucky had let go of himself and once you had finished squirting out all over him he pulled his hand out away from you, and you whined.

Suddenly his metal arm was around your waist and he quickly flipped you over. You gasped as he held your hips up with his metal arm wrapped around you. You raised yourself up onto your hands, clenching the sheets as you felt him line himself up with you.

His head pushed past your folds and you both moaned. He was still for a moment and you were holding your breath. His free hand grabbed your hip and he slammed all the way into you.

You yelped and instinctively tried to pull yourself away from the pain. Bucky’s arm grasped your hips tightly as his flesh hand ran up your chest and he pulled you up so you back was flush with his chest and you were sitting on his lap.

“Shh,” he soothed you and peppered kisses along your neck and shoulder. His flesh hand rubbed your stomach as the metal arm still clutched around your waist possessively. He held still as you adjusted to him.

Bucky bit his lip, breathing in the scent of your hair, trying desperately not to move as to not hurt you further. All the build up of sexual tension had caused your pussy to be exceptionally tight, and it almost hurt him. He could tell you were also clenching down as your core quivered.

You glanced down and noticed a trail of blood curling down the base of his dick, coming from you. You whimpered and he shushed you again, kissing your shoulder. You closed your eyes and laid your head back onto his shoulder, trying to relax, taking a deep breath.

Once you had started to loosen, Bucky took the incentive to start slowing thrusting up into you. You moaned quietly at the peak of each thrust, the position you were in not letting him travel too deep inside of you, and you could feel his awkwardness as he tried to continue to trust upwards.

He soon gave up on the difficult position and opted for something more. His arm, staying around your waist, guided you as he lifted up. His other hand pressed against your back as he lowered you down onto the bed, pulling your hips up with his arm while pushing your chest down to meet the bed.

Your breath hitched, unsure of the new situation you were in. Bucky started thrusting in and out of you, into a whole new level of deepness. You could hear yourself moaning with every movement of his hips. He gripped your hip with his metal hand as he continually thrust deeper inside of you.

You felt his other hand roam up your thighs and over your ass, finally resting just above your second entrance. He pressed his thumb against the bundle of nerves that circled the hole. You let out a noise of surprise as your body tensed.

“Shh,” He whispered, his metal hand rubbed against your waist, “I’m going to take care of you, baby girl.”

You took a deep breath and released the tension from your shoulders. Bucky took the notion and started to move inside of you again. His thumb made circles around your asshole, caressing the nerves and bringing on a new sensation of pleasure you didn’t know existed.

He thrust into you hard and fast, you could feel his balls slapping against you clit as he drove himself farther into you. He pressed his thumb harder against your hole as he bucked his hips upward when he thrust into you, causing his head to brush against your sweet spot and you felt your stomach clench as heat filled your core.

You must have made a delicious noise because Bucky noticed whatever he just did had a wonderful reaction and he continued to pound into your spot. With each sweet thrust your core filled with more heat, building up to an amazing tension. With one final thrust you screamed again and your walls clenched around him and you were squirting your pleasure all over his thick cock.

He grunted and continues to buck into you, massaging your asshole as you rode out your orgasm. You felt him give one final thrust and bust inside of you. You could hear him moan and gasp while cursing under his breath.

He held your hips tightly against him as he unloaded inside of you. After a few seconds, his hands pressed against the bed and you could feel his hair tickling your back as he leaned over you, gasping for air. Beads of sweat hit your back as they rolled off his face.

Your chest heaved as you came back down to earth. You swallowed heavily and closed your eyes, trying to get your entire body to calm down. Bucky rose up and slid himself out of you. You whined at the loss of him and you could hear a breathy chuckle from behind you.

Your legs collapsed as you splayed on the bed. Bucky laid down beside you and stared into your eyes. His face was covered in sweat, as you figured yours was, and his hair was sticking up oddly as if he had just run his hand through it. There was a smile in his eyes as he watched you.

You looked into his eyes as you listened to the sound of your breathing. Too soon, reality came back to you. You sat up, grabbing the sheet on his bed and pulling it up around your breasts. “You really can’t be leaving…”

Bucky sighed and sat up beside you. He hung his head and would not look at you. “I have to, Y/N. I can’t stand the idea I might hurt you. Or anyone. Hydra is still in there. I can’t risk letting them get into my head anymore.”

You shook your head, “No, Bucky, I-“

Then there was a shriek that pierced the air.

Your head shot up to the door way, where Wanda stood. Tears streamed freely down her cheeks and the sight broke your heart to pieces. “Wanda,” you gasped and started to get up. You didn’t know why she was crying but your first reaction was to go to her and love her until she was all better.

“What have you done?” she shrieked, “Why have you done this?!”

It came back to you. You mouth dropped open. What had you done? You looked over at Bucky, who was staring at Wanda. You had let passion and the idea of losing Bucky forever get the better of you. You had let down the one person you truly loved. “Wan, no, this isn’t-“

“Don’t.” she warned. She turned and stormed from the room. You got up and ran to follow her, “Wan, Wait!”

Bucky clamored out of bed, “Wait, let her talk-“

Wanda turned the wrath of God on him, “No,” she hissed, “You don’t get to say anything.” She threw her hand toward him and he flew back through the air and smashed into the wall, collapsing into a heap on his bed. Tears came to your eyes.

Suddenly your clothes were thrown into your hands, “Is this why you almost killed yourself to find him? How long has this been going on? Tell me, Y/n!”

She was bawling and it tore you to pieces, “Wan, listen, it didn’t mean anything! It was just pointless lust, I swear I love you. Please.” You begged her.

“You did this. I cannot believe you did this.” She cried, “He is the reason behind all of this isn’t he? The experimentation, the interest in toys, all of it. How long have you been hiding this from me?”

“I-“

“I don’t want to hear it. Get out!” she screamed and turned to walk away. You reached for her hand to stop her and she whirled around, glowing red, with a voice that could kill. _“You don’t get to touch me anymore.”_

You felt yourself shoot back and slam into the wall. You looked up at her tear streaked face, “Get out. I don’t want to see you ever again.”

You ran.

 

You sat in a park as the sun went down, sky tinged with pink and orange. You hung your head as tears raced down your face. Everything was going to ruin. What were you going to do with your life? You had hurt the woman you love. You didn’t deserve her anymore.

You shook your head. You wished you could mend everything. Go back to the way everything was before. You clenched your fists, Bucky had left. He would be half way to Wakanda by now. You could go back and mend things with Wanda and be together.

Your heart hurt at the idea of Bucky being gone. Being with him was so new and filled all of your fantasies. It would be so easy to just run away with him. Run from all the destruction you caused here. All the heart break. Maybe then everyone would finally be happy and you could leave Wanda in peace. She would find someone she deserves. Someone who wouldn’t hurt her anymore.

You sighed and whipped tears from your eyes. You probably had hurt Bucky too. You had said he didn’t mean anything to you right in front of him. But did he mean anything at all? You had done nothing but hurt both him and Wanda since you left the school.

You took a deep breath and looked up at the sun setting on your time. Back when you were at school everything was so simple. You could set them both free. Let Bucky go on ice and let Wanda be free. You wouldn’t hurt them anymore. You could go back home, to where it all began. One big reset button.

The idea of walking away from either of them hurt so badly. But you knew if you did, they would both be happy eventually. You shook your head.

“What am I going to do?” you asked yourself, unsuccessfully trying to wipe the tears from your eyes.

You longed to fix things with Wanda and be with the only person you ever loved.

You yearned to run away from all of your problems and go on the run with Bucky, forever.

You wished you could take everything back and let them both live their lives in peace.

You sighed. You knew exactly what you had to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Sorry, I got really caught up in that and forgot I was writing a plot line and not just porn. Hopefully it transitioned smoothly. I mean, come on, did you really think we would get through this story without any Bucky smut? I'm not that strong of a person! The need is mighty!!!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the journey. The next 3 chapters will be each separate ending for Kurt, Bucky, and Wanda. I'll post in that order and only one ending will get a continuation. I may post some one shots or something if anyone wants it for a continuation of the other two endings. Just request it at the ending and I'll cook something up for you guys.
> 
> I have come up with the name for the sequel, it will be called Perfect and Imperfect. 
> 
> As always, please let me know what you think, because comments make the world go round!


	13. Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crush Ending - Reader/Kurt aka "Reader is a strong independent woman who don't need no one."

It was the hard thing to do. It broke your heart to leave them both behind. But you didn’t deserve either of them for what you had done. You were selfish, and they both deserved to be happy.

You took a deep breath and wiped your tears away. You grabbed your phone from your pocket and scrolled through the numbers. You find Logan’s number and hesitated.

Did you really want to go through with this?

You pressed the call button before you could change your mind. As you listened to the ring, tears began falling down your cheeks once more. You heard Logan pick up the line.

“I need a ride…” you sobbed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Everything.” You cried. “I just can’t do it anymore, Logan. I want to go home. I want everything to go away.”

“Alright, Y/N, where are you? I’ll be there soon.”

You told Logan where you were and hung up the phone. You stared at the picture of you and Wanda on the screen.  She looked so happy with you, and you had torn the happiness right out of her and stomped on it.

You stood up from the bench you were on, looking down at the photo. You had managed to hurt the only person you had ever loved. You could never ask her forgiveness for what you did; sneaking around behind her back with Bucky.

The thought of him made your hand clench painfully around your phone. You hurt him too. You felt so close to him, he always made you feel so good and gave you feelings you didn’t know it was possible for you to have. And you pushed him away. You said that he meant absolutely nothing to you. Maybe that was true? After all, it was easy to throw him away when you were faced with Wanda’s sadness.

You had had enough. Enough of love. Enough of people. You looked up, out into trees. You pulled your arm back and threw your phone as far and as hard as you could. You turned and walked away to where you would meet Logan.

 

You had settled back into your old room. Logan had met with Steve to pick up your stuff. Jean had made it a point to make your mind extra clear and comforting. The loss was grand, but you felt better knowing you had removed your toxicity from their lives. Wanda would move on and be happy, and by the time Bucky woke up again, you would probably be long gone.

You were heading out of your room to meet Logan for some physical training. You were finally able to put some money on your words if you could beat him. The first few days you were there, he won. You were very distracted and just venting your feelings out to him through your fists.

You turned down a hallway and almost ran into someone’s chest. You looked up at Kurt, who laughed embarrassed.

“Ve must stop meeting like this, ja?” he smiled.

You pasted a small smile onto your face. “Sorry, Kurt, I wasn’t paying a lot of attention again.”

“Fraulein, you are so far avay so often. Vhere do you go?” he asked, his hand reaching out to brush your cheek.

You brush his hand away and shake your head. “It’s not important. I really have to be going.”

“Y/N?” he asked as you started to move past him. You stopped and looked up at him, “Have you given any more thought to… being with me?”

You sighed, having tried to desperately ignore this conversation since you returned. “It’s just not a good time for me. I’m not in a good place….” You took a deep breath and looked up to face him, “I don’t want to be with you because someone else is hurting me. … Me. I’m hurting me. I brought this on myself and I am not going to let you be a rebound for me. I’m sorry, but I need to figure out myself before I end up with anyone.”

Kurt nodded slowly, as if he was sad. “I understand, Fraulein…”

“I really have to be going.” You say and move around him down the hall. His voice drifted to your ears.

“I vill vait for you, ja?”

For the first time in a long time, there were butterflies in your stomach. You had been sad for such a long time that you almost welcomed the feeling. You quickly pushed the feeling away. You didn’t deserve to feel like that after the things you did to the people you cared about.

You made your way into the Danger Room, expecting Logan, but you were surprised when you met with Jean.

“What’s going on?” you asked her, confused, “Where’s Logan?”

“Logan’s taking a break.” She smiled and walked up to you. “We have some new training for you to start.”

“New training?” you asked, raising an eyebrow as you watched her approach.

Her smile got wider. “I’m going to be in charge now. I can’t go running around like I used to with the team…”

Your eyes widened as you figured out where she was going. “Jean….?”

She placed a hand on your shoulder. “It’s time, Y/N. The team needs a replacement for me. And there is only one person I can think of to do it.”

For the first time since you left, you found yourself smiling. Happy tears fell down your face. You nodded, “Okay.” You wiped the tears away, “Let’s get started!”

 

One Year Later

You were sitting on the Blackbird with the rest of the x-men. You were headed to take down a team working for Striker, using mutants to kill innocent people. You were sitting by Logan, talking.

“You ready for this, kid?” his gruff voice asked.

You smiled and nodded. “My whole life.”

He put a firm hand on your shoulders and gave you a half smile.

“Alright,” Hank’s voice rang down from the PA. “We are about to land. Get ready to deploy.”

Logan nodded to you and you stood up, smoothing your hands over your leotard . You headed over to the gate and waited for the door to drop open. A figure stepped beside you, and a long tail wrapped around your waist.

You smiled up at Kurt, who returned the smile. And as the gate dropped open, and the wind whipped your hair, you reached over and took his hand in yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liked this ending. like a cute little bow. Let me know what you think. 2 more endings left.


	14. Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Lust Ending - BuckyxReader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments! Here is my best at some fluffy bs!

                It was the easy thing to do, once you gave it some thought. You could feel your relationship with Wanda deteriorating over the last few months; and though you still loved her, it was finally time to move on. You would always want her to be happy, but you could never ask her to forgive you for what you did. You wanted to let go and be free.

This feeling with Bucky was new, and wonderful. The fire inside of you was impossible to ignore. He made your heart race and your skin heat up even with a glance. Being with him had made you feel complete and you weren’t ready to give that up yet. You just hoped you weren’t too late.

You grabbed your phone out of your pocket and flipped through the numbers. You found Logan’s and dialed. You sniffled and wiped the tears away with your hands while you listening to the repeating tone.

You loved Wanda. You really did. But it was obvious that you couldn’t ignore the feelings you had for Bucky. She had your heart, it was true, but you finally realized that a part of your heart belonged to him too; and it had ever since he sat next to you in Wakanda, and enveloped you in his comforting presence.

The firey passion you had for him may very well burn out one day. But you had to follow where your feelings were taking you. You needed to know. You needed _him_. There would always be a part of you that loved Wanda, but it was clear now where your heart was taking you. You knew there wasn’t any reason for him to be with you, but you had to try.

Finally you heard him pick up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I need a ride.” You said into the receiver, “Feel like stealing a jet?”

 

You ran through the halls of the palace of Wakanda, going as fast as your burning muscles would carry you. You hoped you weren’t too late. You turned around the corner to the hall that led to the cryo room. You could see into the room at the end of the hall and came to a dead stop.

You could see Steve in the room, and you were consumed with agitation, finally realizing why he bailed on picking you up from the hospital. He had to make sure that he was home to take Bucky to the freeze. It made your heart hurt that Bucky had made his decision long before you were out of the hospital. You very easily could have missed seeing him at all.

Steve was talking to someone, and you held your breath in anticipation. The figure stepped into view, and your heart leapt into your throat.  You weren’t too late.

Bucky was talking to Steve, his persona was wrecked. For the first time, Bucky looked weak. His shoulders slumped, and his face looked worn and tired. He looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and lay there forever. Which was exactly what he was about to do.

It hurt to see him like that, feeling a deep searing sting in your heart. You wanted to reach out to him and soothe him. You wanted to give him the strength he needed to carry on. Your heart reached out to him and your mind followed.

You noticed he suddenly stopped talking and his body was still. He looked around the room as if he were searching for something. Finally his eyes found you.

You whispered his name and ran down the hall.

“Y/N?” he asked, bewildered. You flung yourself into his arms and pulled him down, crashing your lips onto his.

Steve smiled and took a step back, giving you your space. Bucky’s arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you flush against him, harder than he has ever held you before, as if he was trying to make you one with him.

You pulled away from him and looked into his beautiful blue eyes. “I know I have no right to ask you to stay. But I just can’t let you go without trying.”

“Doll…” he whispered, looking down at you sadly.

“Just listen.” You begged, “I know that I am the last person you would stay out for right now. But I can’t stand the idea of you being gone. I promise that I am going to make this work. I can do the barriers again. I’m stronger now. I can even keep Jean out of my head and she is just as powerful as Charles was; maybe stronger. I can do this, Bucky, please let me try; please stay with me.”

He took a deep breath as his heart pounded against his ribcage. “What are you saying, doll? What about Wanda?”

You shook your head, and tears streamed down your cheeks. “I want to be with you.”

His arm pulled you possessively against him, and his hand ran through your hair, pushing it back from your face, as his lips took their rightful place on your temple. “You have no idea how long I have waited for you to say that.”

He breathed in the scent of your hair, and let out a heavy sigh. “I can’t risk it. I could hurt people, Y/N. I could hurt you.”

You leaned up and kissed him softly, whispering against his lips, “I will stop you, Bucky. If it’s the words, or the soldier, I will stop you from hurting anyone.”

He rested his forehead on yours, and looked deep into your eyes. His eyes held the wonder of having all of his dreams come true, but they also showed fear. “You would have to be ready to kill me…”

You could feel tears rolling freely down your face. “If it means being with you, then I will happily kill you.”

Bucky’s chest rumbled with a low chuckle, causing a small smile to pull at your lips. “You’re such a romantic.”

“I learned from the best.” You whispered. “There was this guy who tried to stab me once; he gave me the knife… melted my heart right out of my chest.”

Bucky’s smile was brilliant as he suppressed another laugh. He gazed down at you, his metal hand reaching up to ban the tears from your face.  “We can’t just go back. Wanda might literally kill me.”

“Then let’s run away together.” You smile, “You and me. I’ll keep you safe.”

“I should be the one keeping you safe, doll.” He laughed, pulling you against him so you were flush with his body.

You kissed his cheek, “You always do.”

Bucky’s heart pounded in his ears as he held you tight. The way your eyes sparkled at him made his heart constrict, and he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. “Y/N, I have to tell you something…”

Your face fell blank as you looked up at him, reading his seriousness and nervousness that crashed upon you in waves. “What is it, Buck?”

His eyes dipped down away from you, too anxious to look you in the eyes, and his grip on you loosened. “While you were in the hospital… I waited for you every day. I needed to see you.”

“I know.” You smiled and kissed his cheek.

His adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed heavily. “I needed to tell you something.”

Your lips twitched and you felt the heaviness in your heart. “You were going to tell me you were going back into cryo.”

He shook his head, his hair flittering against your face as he did. “No… I mean, yes, but I had to tell you something before I went back into cryo. I was going to tell you that I love you.”

Your felt your heart stop. Tingly warmness consumed your body and ate away at your heart. You could feel yourself blushing as the words kept tumbling from his lips.

“I don’t know if those are the right words. I’m not really sure how I feel about you; but the harder I tried to explain it, the less words came to mind. It’s the closest thing I could think of; and I had to tell you. You had to know in case I never saw you again.”

As your lips opened to speak his fingers came up and his thumb pressed against your lips. He hooked his finger under your chin and tilted your face up so he could look deep into your eyes.

“You don’t gotta say it.” He reassured you in a gentle and loving voice. “I know that’s what you’re supposed to say; but I also know that it’s more complicated for you. I want you to say it when you know it’s true. When you’ve had time to figure out how you feel about me.”

You smiled up at him, wetness in your eyes, “I’m ready to figure that out… No matter how long it takes.”

Bucky let out the breath he was holding and all the tension released from his shoulders. His lips quirked up in a smile, and he pulled you forward and kissed you deeply. After all of the years, his mind finally went quiet. Weather it was the power of your mind, or of your presence, being with you made all the terrible thoughts go away.  And as he kissed you, he knew he would never be leaving your side again.

Finally, you were wrapped in the comfortable silence you had grown to love. Wherever this feeling was, that was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One left! So Excite! Any idea or requests on which ending you think will continue?


	15. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Love Ending - WandaxReader

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ending was particularly interesting to write. I tried to think about how someone who is hurt and cheated on would handle the situation. Then I tried to figure out how someone with bad ass super powers would do it. As I crafted the ending, I realized this wasn’t the end of the story. I was able to extend the plotline into another story. I really hope you enjoy it, even if you get frustrated at me. Stock up your burn heals friends, and enjoy the final chapter!

It was the right thing to do. No matter what had happened to you, there was one person you always wanted to be with. You loved Wanda more than anything. You couldn’t think about how your life would go without her. You had to make things right with her. You had to at least try.

You weren’t far from the Cap Base, so you stood up, wiped away your tears, and breathed in your new resolve and strength, and headed home.

 

You found her in her room, crying her eyes out. Your heart sank and you moved over to her. You sat on the edge of the bed and reached out for her. At your weight on the bed, she stirred. She jumped up and threw her hands out, red mist swirling.

“Wan, wait!” you pleaded. “Please wait…”

She hesitated. Her eyes darted back and forth over you with fear, anger, love, and hurt.

“Please listen to me, Wanda. I love you, and I am so sorry that I hurt you. I know there is no reason for you to forgive me, but I’m here, and I’m trying. I can’t imagine my life without you in it, Wan. I made a mistake. But I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Please, Wan, please don’t leave me.”

She stared at you, tears running down her cheeks so bad you had to fight the urge to reach out and wipe them away. Slowly, she lowered her hands, and the mist dissipated. “How could you do this to me, Y/N?”

You shook your head, “I don’t know. I was confused. I had been having all these strange feelings and urges, and I tried to come to you with them.”

She shook her head and sat back against the headboard, bringing her face into her hands to cry. It made your heart break. You reached out a shaky hand hesitantly. “I love you.” You breathed, “I love you more than anything, Wan, and I want to be with you. I know I totally screwed up, but I will do anything to stay with you.”

She looked up at you through her fingers. Her eyes glanced over to your extended hand. She pulled her hands away and stared at you seriously for several minutes. You held your breath as she evaluated you. The time she took inside of her head was killing you, when she finally spoke.

“If we are going to be together, you have to do something for me.” She said. You let out your breath and smiled wide. You lurched forward and wrapped your arms around her.

“Anything!” you shouted, “I’ll do anything for you, baby!”

She took a breath to steady herself. “You have to forget about Bucky.”

You pulled back from her, placing your hands on her shoulders. You gave her a confused look. “What?”

She took a shaky breath and turned to meet you with a renowned seriousness in her eyes. “I want you to forget him. Completely. How else will I be able to trust you again?”

“How could I possibly do that, Wan?” you asked, completely confused, and heart sinking fast.

“I can take them away from you.” She said softy, “Your memories.”

Your lips fell apart, and your hands fell from her. She didn’t just want you to not think about him and put him in your past. She wanted to completely remove his existence from your mind so it was like he never existed at all. “Wanda… I…”

She glared at you for hesitating, “If you can’t do it, how can I know you really want to leave him behind? How can I trust you not to go back all over again? I thought you wanted to be with me!” The tears swept quickly back to her eyes and rolled down her face.

“I do!” You shouted and reached for her again. You felt her pulling away from you and the perfect picture started to shatter. You panic. “Okay! Okay, Wan, anything you want! Please, Baby, I love you, just stay with me.”

She turned to you and wiped her tears, sitting cross-legged. She reached out for your face.

The shock went to you, “Right now?” you asked, hesitating and scared. You had to fight the urge to pull back from her.

“I thought you wanted this?” she sniffled.

You felt very put on the spot. You could see from the way she was moving, that this was the only way to get her back. You were afraid if you took any longer that she would back away from you again. You nodded before you could give yourself time to think. You were scared, and you didn’t want to lose what you had with Bucky. But he was gone now, and you were desperate to hang onto your relationship. You love her, and you would do anything for her. Even this.

Her hands reached up and her fingers pressed against your temples. Her touch on your scar felt foreign and wrong.

“I love you.” You whispered to her.

“I know.”  She stared into your eyes and gave you a reassuring smile, before you felt the spell spring from her fingertips.

 _“You don’t remember or know James Buchanan Barnes.”_ Her spell tumbled over her soft lips and you saw the red mist spring from her finger tips as she altered your reality.

You tried desperately to cling to the memories. To hold onto them one last time as the mist enveloped you. You remembered how he looked at you when you first met in him the cryogenic chamber; the way he challenged you in your face.

You remembered how he sat beside you outside the palace and you stared out into the forest. You were so content just sitting with him. That particular memory made your heart ache.

You wondered if maybe you were making a mistake, giving away your memories, before you had time to think about what giving them up really meant to you. Before you even knew what _he_ meant to you. But as your earliest memories of him began to blur and fade, you knew it was too late. Tears welled quickly into your eyes as you watched everything he ever meant to you get washed away.

You remembered when he first tested your power, in a way that no one ever did. How you could go all out with him and he could go all out with you. You trusted each other with your lives. More than you trusted anyone else; you knew he would always have your back.

Your lips tingle and your scar burned as you recalled the first time he kissed you. His lips were so soft, but forceful, like he knew exactly what he wanted and he wanted you to want it too.

Tears strolled steadily down your face as your first kiss was erased from existence. You clenched your hands together and mentally had to remind yourself that this is what you wanted.

‘You want this.

You want this.

You want this.’

The way he cared for your tears, the way he knew exactly what you needed even when you didn’t, how he wrapped his warm jacket around your shoulders. The way you smiled and laughed together and walked home in his hand like it was the most natural thing in the world for you. All of those images slowly blurred and faded.

You heard yourself sniffling and felt all the wetness of your face. Wanda’s eyes burned into your mind as they glowed red.

Everything was slowly fading away. You had trouble remembering his voice. Then it was hard to remember the shade of his hair.

You remembered your fight with him like it was yesterday. How he was visibly upset that he couldn’t restrain himself from wanting you. It hurt so badly then, but you started to not be able to recall the pain.

You couldn’t remember the touch of his hands through your hair. The color of his eyes was suddenly a question. Were they blue or brown?

You tried to take steady heaving breaths to calm your shaking body as the red mist probed your mind for every last inch of Bucky. Soon, you couldn’t recall what he tasted like when he pressed his lips to yours.

‘You want this.’

You could feel Wanda particularly attacking the time you made love to Bucky. Your hands shook. It wasn’t just sex was it? Was there really a part of you that loved him? You felt a hole burn in your heart as the feeling of being completed by him was taken away from your soul.

Soon, everything was fading away. You could barely bring the image of his face to your mind. Everything was gone. All of the memories played out in your mind one last time before disappearing completely.

Finally, you had one last memory. Someone was there with you, but you couldn’t tell who. The person was entirely blurred away. You could tell they were worried, and upset, and asking for help. Soon, you couldn’t even tell what they were feeling, or even if they were a person. The picture became bright around the edges as the very last thing was taken from your mind.

The figure stepping forward, brushing away your hair, and kissing your temple for the first time.

 

 

 

 

Bucky gave Steve one final hug before stepping into the Cryogenic Freezer, and lying back against the wall. It was already cool to the touch. He tried to relax and move into something comfortable to sleep in, so his muscles wouldn’t ache when he finally woke up. Steve closed the door, and Bucky saw him wave before he felt the temperature drop.

Bucky closed his eyes. He tried to hold onto the image of your face. His heart twisted uncomfortably. He hoped that when he woke up again you would be there. Maybe by then you would have moved on from Wanda. There was a part of him deep inside that hoped for it. For when he woke up he would be greeted by your face again. That when he was finally fixed he could come find you, and you would finally be together.

The thought of seeing you again was the greatest hope in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, that was a crazy one to write. I think I listened to Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift like 5 times while writing this – it totally had the feel I was going for. I really hope you enjoyed the run and I’m sorry about your feels. I know it probably seemed like a forced ending, even though the character made the decision to do it. Which is one of the reasons I have continued the plot. 
> 
> The next story will move on from this, starting maybe two or so years from this point. It will be another choice ending but this time I promise they will both be happy. I’m pretty bad at writing happy but I’m gonna do this for you guys! The story will drop out the Kurt ship, and most of the X-men aspects, leaving only Logan and probably Jean. I don’t have as much use for them in the continuation as I did here and don’t want to clog up the story.
> 
> We will see the rest of the Avengers in the sequel. I have Vision and Tony confirmed and I’m working on Sam and Hawkeye coming in. Minor parts, mostly, but I’m happy with it. I really hope you guys will continue to follow the characters and the plot into the next one. And finally, please let me know what you think about the path I have taken you down. Your input is important to me and helps me craft where to take you next.


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